Friday, July 29, 2016

The Truth About Islamic Terrorism

Bear agitprop.

The Bear has been thinking about Islam, and its terrorism in the abstract. Coolly. What do the terrorists think they are accomplishing? What are they actually accomplishing? What does the constant drumbeat of attacks really mean?

Terrorism As Advertising

Terrorism is just a form of advertising. Or, if you prefer, agitprop. Propagande par le fait. Our age is not the first to see bombers and assassins. A violent act is guaranteed news coverage.

The Bear learned a long time ago that the best advertising was "earned media." Any lawyer can buy advertising. But make friends with your local news reporters, and you can be regularly interviewed on current legal topics. Not only is it free, but you are portrayed as an expert. Public relations is very simple. Newspapers have column inches to fill, and television news programs have time to fill. You do them a favor when you give them easy content.

Terrorism is perfect for dominating news. It is the most effective earned media ever. It is also the stupidest. One must ask: What is Islamic terrorism selling? Accomplishing? Now, the Bear thinks this is a very interesting question, and that the result is very different from the intention, and from what you probably think.

The real message of every terrorist attack is not one any sensible person would want to be associated with. Islam: a Psychopathic Death Cult for Losers. Maybe they imagine they are frightening the West. In reality, they are mostly just making people secretly loathe Muslims. Particularly since the Muslim community in America has never understood the need to aggressively distance themselves from terrorist attacks.

Islam: Culturally Protected

But the Bear has caught himself in a mistake. Events have proved that the Muslim community in America has zero incentive to aggressively distance itself from terrorist attacks. Right now, Muslims are the most culturally protected group in the country. They are smart enough to know that if they play the victim card after every attack, their status actually increases! "BACKLASH!" They have figured out American culture - not that it's hard - and, like all culturally protected groups, play it like the Wurlitzer at Busch Stadium.

Many Muslims won't assimilate. Islam is not a religion. It is a politico-religious movement that the liberal West will never get.   An unknown percentage of young male Muslims are susceptible to the magical process of "radicalization" we keep hearing about. The word means no more than this: some moron with a website says how cool it is to kill people in the name of Allah, and a different moron reads it and murders some people while yammering at his god.

Islam Exists Only at the Sufferance of the West

Thinking like a Bear, he cannot help but note that Islam exists entirely at the sufferance of nuclear powers. The Bear is sure all of his readers share his pastime of drawing up imaginary target lists should they ever get ahold of the launch codes. No? Maybe it's just a Bear thing. ("They all hate us anyhow, so let's drop the big one now." - Randy Newman.) The heart of what passes for culture in Islam could be wiped out with a few dozen air bursts. If we wanted to go all the way, we could nuke the sandy Islamic places into seas of black glass, tie strips of fatback to our feet and go skating. The Bear bets Russia would join in.

Muslims are in our country only because we cannot import enough of them. They're hardly crossing the Atlantic stupidly piled onto waterborne deathtraps. We could easily throw the Big Switch and all of a sudden all the Muslims are leaving the country, instead of coming in. Afghanistan is in dire need of brains. It will never have indoor plumbing with a bunch of dope heads wandering through the fields cutting up poppy blooms and licking opium milk off their knives. Imagine what an infusion of former American Muslims would do for Afghanistan, and whatever dirt ISIS happens to occupy at the moment.

The beauty of such a noble gesture makes the Bear shed a tear.

The Bear is not advocating anything. He is just noting the realities. The fact is, it is the policy of the United States, and France, and wherever, to do nothing about Islamic terrorism. The fact is, terrorists make headlines, but they don't change anyone's life. They do not impact the country. Far more people are murdered in Chicago with no headlines at all. Our leaders have made the conscious decision that policies touching upon Muslims should not be influenced by essentially irrelevant terrorism. They want as many Muslims as possible in America, for reasons the Bear does not understand. He suspects they dream that Islam may help stamp out Christianity in the West, which appears to be the current agenda of our government. But he's not sure.

Islamic Terrorism Symptom, Not Cause

The Bear agrees. The reason there is terrorism is because the West doesn't really mind it that much.

More to the point, every Muslim on the planet could disappear overnight, and the West's problems would not be improved. That's the real takeaway. The West is run by arsonists like Pope Francis yelling "burn baby burn" as every institution burns to the ground. Muslims didn't set those fires. Terrorism is not a problem, it is a symptom of the West's death wish.

It is as much a waste of time trying to figure out what is going on in Jihad Johnny's head as Pope Francis'. They aren't the news. The news is we live in a world that actually encourages Jihad Johnny and Pope Francis. On alternate days, the Bear could write an ephemeris article on terrorism, and one on the latest stupid thing to come out of Pope Francis' mouth. And readers would probably love it, although the Bear is at a loss to understand why people are interested in dog-bites-man stories.

One day you will be watching the news on the latest terrorism act, and look out the window to notice that no one seems to have collected the trash over the last six weeks, and there is smoke marking looting and destruction in your hometown, not in those peoples' part of the big city, where that sort of thing belongs. Suddenly, terrorism and Pope Francis won't seem so important.

Terrorism has become part of the cultural weather, as the Bear recently noted. Islam could not possibly come up with a worse advertising campaign than being known as that religion that's murdering innocent people all the time. But until insurance companies see a market for individual terrorist attack insurance, it is actuarially irrelevant to us. It will never be more than random tragedies like tornadoes ripping through midwestern trailer parks.

But terrorism has an upside. Every terrorist attack brings out the true idiocy of the people with their hands on the cultural levers. President Obama. Archbishop Cupich. Pope Francis. If you have risen to the position of a cultural leader in these last decades of the West, you are a moron. The system is rigged, and anyone with any creativity or intelligence is not allowed anywhere near positions of influence in the burning Western institutions.

Terrorist attacks do two things: make us secretly loathe Muslims; and make us openly loathe our leaders. You can work out the implications of that combination for yourself.

It's a crazy world.

Tuesday, July 26, 2016


Proposed novel cover. Sometimes you CAN judge a book by its...

Bear's friend, author, Tim Capps
The Bear is pleased to announce that his very best human friend, Tim Capps, has inked a book contract with Hope and Life Press. Tim's novel Judging Angels is set for publishing this fall/winter.

The Bear was permitted to see a final draft of the manuscript of course. He can truthfully say that a lot of stuff happens. And there quite a few characters. And it's pretty long. It's funny. And scary. Romantic, too. Horror, yep. Police procedural? Check. Passages of lyrical beauty? Of course. Good versus Evil? The Bear never figured that out, exactly, but maybe you might.

In fact, it's almost like what the Bear would write if he ever had to time write a novel. Unfortunately, this ephemeris takes almost his every waking minute, so the world will never see a novel written by the Bear.

But this isn't too bad. Off the top of his head, the Bear recollects it has:

  • beautiful, dangerous redheads
  • a handsome but dangerous man
  • murders and some righteous smiting
  • did the Bear mention redheads?
  • an evil tarotista and a wise blind woman
  • steely-eyed police detectives
  • forensic science and clones
  • crime sprees with lots and lots of felonies- and that's just the good guys
  • guns and knives and - never mind...
  • duct tape - a surprising number of scenes with duct tape, if the Bear remebers correctly
  • big time marriage troubles, some snuggling, a few good kisses, plus artistic- never mind
  • one family's multi-generational curse: "The Torso in the Attic" or something like that
  • theology good and bad, including a special guest appearance by "Father Rainbow"
  • evil villains, morally compromised heroes, and a decent, rosary-praying Marine
  • Hermann Goering 's watch
  • poetry, movie references, and plenty of jokes
  • temptations and dangers no human was ever meant to face
  • blood - the Bear's favorite part (besides the redheads)
  • just maybe a genuine insight or two into life, love and dangerous redheads

Oh, the Bear wondered which of the redheads might have been modeled on his driver, bodyguard,  and factotum, a.k.a. "Red Death," a.k.a. "The Shepherdess," his mate. "All of them, he said."

On The Latest Terrorist Attack (Print Out and Save)

Print Out and Save, You Will Need It Again Soon

You know the one.

That awful one that just happened.

It all went down like this.

One or more young Muslim males killed some people while shouting Allahu' Akbar.

The authorities pretended to be puzzled at this, as if such a thing had never before happened. Police went "searching for motives."  Oscar-worthy performances of utter cluelessness were delivered in a great production the Bear calls, "The West Rolls Over and Shows Its Belly."

Every Social Justice Warrior from Archbishops on down to first year fine arts majors buffed their tolerance cred by making up excuses for the poor Jihad Joe, like he was "biopolar," or abused by a Catholic priest as a lad, or something equally implausible.

And everyone lectured us on how great Islam is, and what a beautiful people Muslims are, and how, by, golly, they're practically Catholics cuz OMG3greatabrahamicreligionssamegod, and how Islam is peaceful.

The word "backlash" was shrieked like an ululating Mahdist woman cutting choice parts from one of Kipling's Tommies in the Sudan.

The young Muslim male did it for any reason except Islam (delicious to those of us with a sensitive palate for irony).

Other people saw it in their Facebook feed, or on the news, and were upset until shortly before bedtime. The next day there was some other damned thing and they forgot. They're all named Mohammed, anyway,  so there's no way to even keep score.  Neil Postman's wonderful Amusing Ourselves to Death's low information-action ratio is the iron law of our media age.

Or, to put it another way, everybody talks about the weather, but nobody ever does anything about it. Terrorism has become a part of the cultural weather, and is treated just the same.

What Do Terrorists Do When They Cease to Terrify?

Loud noises and cries of "Allahu' Akbar" provide the soundtrack to the 21st century.  Or, rather, elevator music, since it is such a tedious sameness it is just fading into the background. Terrorist attacks are like plane crashes, or lightning strikes, or, for that matter Bear attacks. Sure, they happen, but actuarially, I'm safe enough. Only the really, really, unlucky get killed by a terrorist.

It's true. No one reading this will ever be killed by a terrorist, or lose someone close to a terrorist, the Bear is certain.

The terrorists have already lost. They don't terrify anymore. Frankly, if an old show-Bear might turn critic, their act is stale. The West is more embarrassed on Islam's behalf than frightened by it. That's why all the cultural spokesman are so hilariously condescending to Muslims.

Archbishop Cupich is like a good mommy telling little Johnny it's not polite to stare at the tattered greybeard pushing a shopping cart full of his stuff down the sidewalk while shouting verses from Isaiah.

But let's completely forget Muslims and talk about something much more interesting. Bears.

A Bear Killed 21 People in Peoria Roaring "Bear Rights"

If the Bear should go on a rampage through Peoria, Illinois, and take out twenty or thirty people roaring BEAR RIGHTS, nobody better start making some lame-ass excuse for his attack. The Bear, is after all, no matter how cute and cuddly he may seem, an alpha predator God designed for killing everything. Not that he currently has any plans, but a Bear is a Bear, and everyone knows what Bears occasionally do.

Seriously. Hang around enough Bears and one day you will run into the wrong one. Or the right one on a bad day. Greenpeacers can coo about the Poor Polar Bears not having any ice to live on, but if they actually met a polar Bear (who are very stupid and overrated animals, or else they would not live on ice) they would see adorbs; the polar Bear would see a seal.

If the Bear roars BEAR RIGHTS when he's killing people, that's what it's all about. And he will personally hunt you down and rip your jawbone off, Sunshine, if you ruin his big political statement by making it about something else. This is not hard. If you're going out in blaze of glorious murder, you don't, at the last second say: "wait, this should be significant... I should probably yell something, like, oh, I dunno... ZEPPELIN RULES!"

The West Suffers From Timothy Treadwell Syndrome

You may have heard of Timothy Treadwell. He thought he had Bears all figured out. That they accepted him. And, for a while, it looked like he might be right. His girlfriend, who was a smart woman, was afraid of Bears, yet nonetheless Treadwell dragged her to Alaska to play with his Bear friends. One Bear was wandering down the Bear path in Bearland and came to the Big Crossroads. Right there, at X marks the spot, humans had pitched their tent, so, you know, they could encounter Bears. The Bear killed Treadwell and his girlfriend.

The Bear does not feel obligated to blabber on about how Bears are animals of peace, or warn about a Bear "backlash." Treadwell was an idiot, and the Bear did what Bears do. Not all Bears, obviously. But here is an important point:

Not every Bear will kill you, but if you are around Bears,
you are in danger of being killed by a Bear.

The more Bears you are around, the greater chances of being killed by a Bear. (There is actually a mathematical proof Bears worked out long ago, but it is complex, and Bear math involves stones and acorns.)

Some people have said it is only Bears with a particular kind of Bear Rabies who kill. Not ordinary peaceful adorbs Bears. There may be some truth to this. For instance, the Bear would probably never kill anyone, anymore, even on a very bad day. We already established not every Bear will kill you. But here's another important truth.

Even if only Bears with Bear Rabies kill people, 
only Bears can and do get Bear Rabies and kill people.

A smart person does not invite a Bear to live with his family just to prove how brave he is, or how tolerant of other species he is, or even because they are useful as entertainment. He doesn't keep packing his ursine guests into every room, ignoring the snarls from some of them. Eventually, he and his family will wind up as gnawed-on remains shallowly buried in the compost pile out back.

And people will say the same thing they say about Timothy Treadwell.

So, as a professional Bear, the Bear advises you that if you have stuffed your home with mostly peaceful-looking Bears, you are an idiot, and your children should be taken away by the state. Not only are Bears freeloaders, but they, and only they, are subject to Bear Rabies.  One of your guests might come come down with Bear Rabies and start taping BEAR RIGHTS posters up all over the place (one of the first symptoms). And since we already know you are an idiot, you will politely look the other way.

And when you don't show up for work, the gnawed-on remains of you and your family will be found shallowly buried in the compost pile out back.

And the funny thing will be, nobody will care about you. The Bear, on the other hand, will be subjected to endless and condescending excuse-making. Archbishop Cupich will say he was a "mentally unstable" Bear, and Pope Francis will apologize for Pope Emeritus Benedict or some other German murdering Bruno in 2006. President Obama will say guns should be banned, because Bears hate guns and become enraged.

Even if they attribute the attack to Bear Rabies, they will explain that the Bear couldn't help it. It's a virus, in the air, in the water. Any poor old Bear can get it. Most Bears are peaceful. Now. Don't you feel so much better knowing that any Bear, and only Bears, can unpredictably contract a disease that will turn it into a homicidal maniac?

What Would Bears Do? What are Humans Doing?

Bears are not all that territorial. But if an animal moved into their territory, and some of them kept talking about how they hated Bears and were going to kill all of them, the Bears would hold a council in the Big Clearing in those woodlands. And they would say, "This new animal is a danger. Individually, most of them are tolerable. But they and only they have elements who advertise wiping out Bears, and they and only they occasionally kill one, or a few of us. Brother Bears, what should we do?"

The Bear does not say. Bears have their own ways of dealing with things, and the less humans know about them the better. Bears will prosper after Islam takes over the world, and eventually humans degenerate back to the Paleolithic era when Bears were worshipped as gods.

After 1300 years, and still ticking, the Bear will probably live to see it. You won't, nor will you see anything very bad, as things go. Perhaps not even your children or grandchildren. So don't worry.

The Bear loves you crazy humans, but if you don't care about your territory, don't breed, don't value Human Lore from ages past, there's not going to be much left to mourn when your civilization dies, and the sight of a beautiful woman in public is the stuff of legends, and the only book in print is the Quran.

Frankly, the West doesn't deserve to win. Islam is the only society that gives damn about their beliefs. The Bear predicts the West forfeits. It just never showed up for the game. And the Bear shall yell Allahu' Akbar while riding his unicycle and Muslims will love him and throw him salmon and the world will burn with a bright insanity you cannot imagine.

Monday, July 25, 2016

Madcap Bear Issue 1: "Method to His Madness"

A Clue.
Oh dear. The Bear feels terribly guilty for neglecting the Woodlands. He can only repeat that he is this very day concluding a matter of major cultural importance, indeed, potentially the hinge upon which the West will turn and bar its door to insidious decay.

Really, that's just hype from an old show-Bear. The blog will go on, but only when the Bear is not otherwise occupied literally 24/7.  Sleep? That's what winter's for. Back to the same-old-same-old "What The Pope Did Now." (Is Francis still Pope? That's how busy your Bear has been. Please, someone, say "no.") Hey, not complaining.  "Dance With the One That Brung Ya." The Bear isn't going to get all hoity-toity on you. You can bet there's some good jawbone-rippin' coming your way.

But he does admit to being in a rather frolicsome mood. If he were in a zoo, he would be pounding out the glass with a big rock and laughing at everyone run. In the meantime, he will mercilessly tease you with cryptic comments. Beat your friends. (Actual contest still running - STILL TIME TO BEAT ALL CURRENT ENTRIES ACCORDING TO STATED RULES WHICH ARE NOT TIME-SENSITIVE.)

FILED UNDER: "Method to Bear's Madness."

BTW if you cheat and use Google, no one will know.  Except your guardian angel. Do you really want to run that risk?

1. What do you call it when a redhead flips out?

2. Can an angel deputize you to lawfully exercise angelic authority, including smiting?

3. What is T.S. Eliot's least bad poem?  Seriously, did you really get Ash Wednesday?

4. How many bullets does a Smith and Wesson .38 Chief's Special hold? (come ON, this is serious!)

5. What is William Wordsworth's best poem?  Ode on Intimations of Immortality or She Was a Phantom of Delight? (Sorry, either or; no Daffodils)

6. If you have been cleared to runway 27, do you taxi east or west?

7. Hermann Goering: ace in WWI or WWII? Both?

8. Does "An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge" ring a bell?

9. Do you think Jake forgot Chinatown?

10. Do clones have the same fingerprints?