Sunday, August 28, 2016

Terrorist Bear, and You too, There

Papal Airplane.

How can a man who says Catholics who actually believe the Church has the absolute truth are potential terrorists be Catholic? How can a man who apparently believes the Church holds only a partial and provisional truth that must be supplemented by non-Christian religions, be Pope?

Look. The Bear is just a Bear. Bears are very practical. All animals are, because they know if they screw something up in the wild, they will die. Humans, though, can survive, and even prosper as stupid. Sorry, but it is true.

Exhibit A: the latest Pope-on-a-Plane game. The elderly and ridiculous gentleman from Argentina will not condemn Islamic terrorism. Instead, he points out "fundamentalists" who "believe in absolute truth," who inhabit both Islam and Catholicism.

In other words, if you are an orthodox Catholic, you are a fundamentalist and therefore a potential terrorist. Terrorism is not an Islamic problem, but a fundamentalist problem all religions are subject to. (No doubt this is why when we hear of a terrorist attack, we immediately think of radical Christians.)

Thus spoke the greatest traitor to the West now living, Jorge Bergoglio. The most despicable quisling, and cuck-in-chief of the throw Western Civilization overboard, mutiny so more victims of a failed and violent religion can fit on the Barque of Peter, now on a course for the fabled One World Religion. Captain Queeg was a regular Admiral Nelson compared to this guy.

Being a practical Bear, not inhibited by superstitious dread of being struck by lighting for speaking the truth, he says "screw that." The Bear shall add "prophet" to his resume. That's what prophets do. Tell the truth.

The Irrelevancy of Jorge Bergoglio

There comes a point when a public figure makes himself irrelevant. Spiro Agnew's "nattering nabobs of negativity speech." The Dixie Chicks saying they were ashamed to be from Texas. Pee Wee Herman getting caught, um, let's say committing an impure act with himself in an adult theater. You get the point.

All of these transgressions, however, pale when set next to the tiresome game Pope Francis plays every time he gets in an airplane. Does he think God can't hear him spouting nonsense if he's in an airplane? He is denigrating the true Church to provide cover for Muslim terrorists, the most culturally protected group in the world. He is knowingly and deliberately lying about a very important problem for the West. (Or is suffering from a severe mental illness.)

He especially hates Catholics who actually believe in all that crap, i.e. believe they possess the absolute truth. Pope Francis calls faithful Catholics "fundamentalists," and puts them on a level with Muslim terrorists. See how easily the man lies? How can we trust anything a liar says?

We can't.

Yes. I believe the Catholic Church holds the absolute truth. If I did not, I would not - could not - be a Catholic.  If that makes me a terrorist, well, then I'm a Bearrorist. As for Jorge Bergoglio, he obviously doesn't believe in all that crap anymore. How can a man who says Catholics who actually believe the Church has the absolute truth are potential terrorists be Catholic? How can a man who apparently believes the Church holds only a partial and provisional truth that must be supplemented by non-Christian religions, be Pope?

Buh bye, Jorge Bergoglio. I don't know what you are, but I know what you aren't. Jorge Bergoglio has found the crack from which the smoke of Satan entered the Church and sits over it, breathing deeply of the fumes, like the Oracle at Delphi, so he can walk out and try to pollute Christ's Church with the open sewer of his always-open mouth.

Surviving the Quisling Occupation of the Church

Pope Francis smiling, Church dying.

What do you do when you can't take the Pope seriously anymore, and you're a Catholic? You know, it's not really that hard. You know how to Catholic. If you read this ephemeris, the Bear bets you know how to Catholic hard. Be Catholic. Be Catholic if your local parish is crappy, with dancing girls and idiotic homilies. The less attention you pay to that demented man in white calling himself the Pope, the happier you will be. It's all just PR, anyway.

Someday soon, there will be a popular uprising, and Pope Francis will be thrown into the Tiber. If not, he'll die, having ensured there will never be another nutjob from a southern hemisphere country that thought it could win a war using WWII ships bought from the U.S., against a first world country with nuclear submarines. 

Pope Francis disregards reality in the same way. If he were an animal, he would be dead. Beasts don't have the luxury of ignoring reality. But there is no human so stupid or wicked that he cannot be put upon the highest pinnacle by schemers smarter than him. "Oh, but he smiles, and he mentioned the devil a couple of weeks ago." Yeah, well, if you're so impressed by that, be glad you're a human, surrounded by other humans who help you survive, because if you were a beast that stupid, you would die.

World's Thinnest Books

Well, maybe not, actually fur realz. But the Bear shall take a moment to list the World'a Thinnest Books;

  1. Muslim Contributions to Western Civilization
  2. Pope Francis' Guide to Actual Church Teachings
  3. Archbishop Blase Cupich's Qualifications as Telepathic Psychologist
  4. Church Growth Since Vatican 2
  5. Hillary Clinton's Guide to Computer Security
  6. The Rescue Mission in the Benghazi Attack
  7. Reasons Why We Should Invade Syria and Aid Terrorists
  8. Ways Barack Obama is Superior to Vladimir Putin
  9. Other Religions Cardinal Koch Has Not Sucked Up To
  10. Elements Within the Church George Soros has not Put a Tentacle Into

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

No Country for Old Men Review

I'm old. I'm going to be dead soon. Yup. That's all I got.

The McGuffin

The Bear just finished watching the film, No Country for Old Men (2007). If you haven't seen it, but might, there are SPOILERS here.

The Bear gives No Country for Old Men 2 Fish out of 5.  It's depressing. It will probably roll over your Cymbalta like a tank. It is well made, but hollow. Nothing matters. Blind chance rules over us. We are none of us in the movie we think we are. We are all stalked by the hitman with the bad haircut.

You may know that Alfred Hitchcock named the plot element that drives the storyline "the macguffin." It can be anything - a person, a thing - so long as the protagonist is after it. Frequently, it is not even that important.  No Country for Old Men makes the macguffin transparently inconsequential in the long run. It also defeats audience expectations by killing off nearly all the characters the audience cares about.

Yes the Bear knows it won academy awards. Why should the Bear care? Because Hollywood produces America's dreams. What does this film say?

The Plot is not the Story - It's About a Hopeless Old Dude Who Will Soon Be Dead

But who is the main character in the movie? Why, it's the guy who doesn't do anything much at all, and has very little screen time. The Bear doesn't even remember the name of his character, if he had one. The sheriff: Tommy Lee Jones. The guy with almost no lines, at the end of his career. He's not just looking forward to retirement. He's looking ahead to the end of his life without any consolation from religion.

At the end, the sheriff, now retired, explicitly describes his efforts at discovering God.  In words to this effect, he says he thought God would enter his life, somehow, but didn't. Doesn't sound to the Bear that the sheriff put much time and effort into finding God.

No Country for Old Men fools us into thinking it is about a big, rather standard adventure. Somebody stumbles onto a fortune, and wants to keep it. He turns out to be pretty resourceful, too: clearly a survivor. The hitman who stalks him is relentless and indestructible. He sometimes allows victims to call heads or tails before he kills them. A flip of the coin. Chance.

Only, the apparent protagonist dies off-screen, and we never so much as see his body in the morgue. Likewise his wife (sweet Kelly Macdonald). We only know she's dead because the hitman looks at the soles of his boots, presumably for blood. Woody Harrelson dies after maybe ten minutes screen time. Javier Bardem's homicidal weirdo with the bad haircut gets randomly T-boned at the end, and wanders off with a bone sticking out of his arm.  (Why didn't the Bear get any of these fascinating mad homicidal geniuses to represent? Pretty much a forgettable parade of mopes.)

Long before the end, you've forgotten about the money. The plot - weird homicidal hitman going around killing everybody - just sort of rolls along with a certain momentum until it slows and stops with maybe fifteen minutes of movie left. The evil guy is not brought to justice; the case isn't solved. It's all just futile.

And that's why, ultimately, the Bear didn't care much for it. He gets how a plot can essentially be the movie; or a skeleton to hang themes one; or even a lengthy misdirection while something else is going on.

Fair enough. But where is the inner story in No Country for Old Men? Tommy Lee Jones is a morose old man who recognizes his life is behind him. His life lessons don't really amount to much, since he has no spiritual life. He makes a glum joke or comment; he has an old man's shock at The Way Things Have Gone To Hell in a Hand basket. But even there, another old guy in a wheelchair tells him about a senseless Indian attack in 1909 that killed someone.

Sorry, Tommy, but you don't even get to have an especially bad period to have beat you down so badly. It has always been this way. He's just empty, looking ahead to only more emptiness. He's not sailing to Byzantium at all. He's merely shuffling off this mortal coil with a sour taste in his mouth.

Yeah, maybe for other people, but not for us.

The title is from Yeats' Sailing to Byzantium, which is nearly as depressing as the movie. Technically, it is a competently piece, but not Oscar-worthy.

Monday, August 22, 2016

We Don't Believe in that Crap Anymore

Readings Today

We're right behind you.
Sunday's reading is from Isaiah, 66:18-21. Here, Isaiah speaks of a dispersion of God's chosen to all nations, especially ones that have never heard of  God. Once they have fulfilled God's missionary designs, the faithful of the diaspora will be gathered to Jerusalem. It may be read as a type of the Church, as well.

And the Gospel is Luke 13:21-30.  Jesus is asked if many will be saved, and he challenges them with the narrow gate. The Gospel is pretty serious today. That narrow gate is a perfect image of salvation. Of the Church. Many aren't going to make it through. These people go to Hell.

So naturally, the homily was about American immigration policy, and not voting for "billionaire politicians who want to keep immigrants out."

Now, call the Bear crazy, but he doubts anyone ever went to Hell because of their opinion on immigration, or global warming, or fracking, or any of the garbage you see in those inane,  non-Catholic Pope Videos. 

But in the Bear's church, the homily was about immigration and not voting for Trump. But the Bear has everything finally figured out. Nearly any time a Catholic priest or prelate opens his yap, the Bear hears the same old song and dance. (As a former dancing Bear, the Bear has a sharp ear for familiar tunes. He heard the Bolsheviks singing it, too, when he was touring the hinterlands of Russia on a propaganda train.)

The Bear's Dream

[Dream transition effects from TV]

The Bear padded up to the priest on all fours (so as not to be too intimidating). The conversation went like this:

Bear: "Father, you missed a great opportunity to impress upon people that their salvation is pretty dicey and Hell is real. Your homily sucked. And am going to vote for Trump just because his election will make you and all your ancient V2 generation buddies have a stroke. Good riddance."

Father: " Salvation? Hell? Nobody believes in that crap anymore. I'm talking about real problems, here, on our planet."

Two other Priests: "Look at that Bear, Kitten. Kind of cute, but doesn't have a clue." "Oh, you're so right, my Dove. He is quite the bear, though. I think I'm falling in love."

Pope Francis: "Fracking is the most important issue the Church must address. The Bear's been telling these Medieval fairy tales for years. Why do you think we had our Turkish brothers and sisters Bearnap him? And we would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for those darned Russian spetznas commandos. Whoops, I shouldn't have said that. My mouth has a mind of its own, you know. Nobody believes in that crap anymore."

[Dream transition effects from TV again]

A Repurposed, Non-Supernatural Church

Look, humans. Nobody in your Church believes in that crap anymore. Understand that. Only an institution that had ceased to take seriously the smallest teaching involving the supernatural would be constantly talking about worldly problems instead of getting souls into Heaven.

Nobody believes in that crap anymore. Souls. Heaven. Last Things.

So, the question is, if you're running the Catholic Church, and you don't believe in that crap anymore, how do you remain relevant? They have to say something in the homily, after all. Hell? Medieval superstition. Heaven? "Pie in the Sky When you Die." Miracles? Puh-lease. We don't believe in that crap anymore. So the Church has been repurposed. Reinvented. "Rebranded," in the words of former Vatican spokeswolf Fr. Rosica. No more fairy tales. Fracking. Immigration. Global warming.

The Church has  become a model UN for elderly gentlemen to play at fixing real or imaginary worldly problems because they don't believe in that crap anymore.

Of course priests and prelates don't want to believe in Hell. It's because they know they would be going there if it existed. They are wolves in sheep's clothing. Even after nailing his paw to the floor in front of his favorite pew, it sometimes still takes three tranq just darts to get through a homily.

Nobody believes in that crap anymore.

That will be the epitaph on the gravestone of the Church of Rome as we know it today.