Monday, April 21, 2014

Bear Cashes In

The Bear is kind of worn out from Pope Wars and the drama building to Easter. Today he finds himself at the end of a long day in the law mines with nothing in particular to say (although something is gestating for later).

Pewsitter has been running the Bear's articles on a fairly regular basis. (Bear shout-out to whoever is clipping his blog for them!) It stands to reason that St. Corbinian's Bear will eventually become a Catholic celebrity like Mark Shea or The Black Sheep Dog. Of course, even an apparently immortal Bear (1300 years and going strong!) needs to think about retirement. So the Bear was fantasizing today about his marketing possibilities.

  • The Story of St. Corbinian's Bear Coloring Book (box of crayons included -- with two reds)
  • SCB barbecue sauce ("Makes Horse Meat Good so Imagine What It Will Do for Your Ribs!")
  • St. Corbinian's Bear's Meals on the Run: Not-as-Fast-as-a-Bear Food Recipes for Busy Days (a companion cookbook to the above)
  • St. Corbinian's Bear's Very Tiny Book of Ecumenical Fun
  • A Field Guide to Heretics, by St. Corbinian's Bear (with very short "HOW TO ARGUE LIKE A BEAR" video)
  • All Dogs Go To Heaven, Unless They're Catholic: St. Corbinian's Bear's Guide to Lumen Gentium (based on the semi-popular, now-suppressed blog entry of the same title that some may recall)
  • St. Corbinian's Bear's Teddy Bear (complete with backpack and a little horse that attaches to his mouth with velcro)
  • Prophet Elisha, 42 Very Bad Children, and Two Bears play set (this could be big; maybe Lego would want to buy a license)
  • The Twelve Bears of the Bible (a serious, Scott Hahn type book about the meaning of the twelve mentions of bears in the Bible. Twelve Bears, Twelve Apostles... see where we're going? The Bear didn't think so. That's why you need this book!)
  • Bavarian Bible Bear Cheat Sheets ("just in case")
  • "Do the Red" coffee mugs and tee shirts

Those are just a few ideas. Feel free to add any suggestions of your own.


  1. "St. Corbinian's Bear's Teddy Bear (complete with backpack and a little horse that attaches to his mouth with velcro)"

    My favorite! :) ...would seriously buy 2 dozen of these immediately.

  2. Letting this go to your head, are you?

    Just kiddin', bonne chance!

  3. Hey, Pete, you've got to strike while the iron is hot! One minute you're the biggest thing since Tango Masses, the next you're just another flea-bitten attraction in a backwater Turkish circus. Do you think people will dare sign up for a "Hike the Alps With SCB" trip? Don't worry, the Bear will never forget the old hood and the friends who dragged him out of the dumpster and taught him how to blog.

  4. Perhaps a game of horse shoes? While the barbeque is on the grill what better way to pass the time than a nice lawn game like SCB official horse shoe set. (I don't think Jarts would be a good idea and the horse shoes would go along with the whole theme.)

  5. The money in the merch biz is in T-shirts. Camo is popular from Duck Dynasty. Go with SCB T-shirts in camo. You can thank me later.

  6. Thanks, Susan! Your order for 24 SCB Teddy Bears at $69.95 each has been sent to the factory. That comes to... $1678.80, plus shipping. (Sure, scoff away, Pete!)

    No, when Jarts were popular the American tort bar was in its infancy. The Bear doesn't need those headaches.

    Terry, the Bear doesn't think you understand the concept of "branding," but thanks. Camo is something for hunters... bears, it just doesnt work. SCB should beat DD because the Bear is also controversially outspoken on religion and even hairier.

  7. I sent in an order snail mail....hope the postal workers don't steal the quarters...

  8. ummmm,....yeeeeaaaaaahhh....maybe a little modification of the order....

    how much for a cub with a pony in its mouth?

  9. Thank you for your interest in our LIMITED EDITION special collectors bear "SCB Cub With Pony In Its Mouth" personally signed by the Bear. The price of $1678.80 has been added to your previous order of $1678.80. Your new total is $3357.60 plus shipping. Thank you for your order!

    1. P.S. all sales are final :-) Have a beary nice day!


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