Monday, August 4, 2014

"Oklahoma, Where Satan Is OK!"

Now opening for Metallica tribute band
in Oklahoma City!
Oklahoma wasn't really known for anything, to the Bear's recollection. Until now. Now they can revel in their new publicity as "The Satan State." Their license plates can now say, "Where Satan Is OK." But is His Satanic Majesty pleased?

Satan:  "Minions, have you secured a venue?"

Minion:  "Yes, your Dark Mightiness."

Satan:  "I am pleased. I assume it is in New York City."

Minion:  "Well, not exactly, Master."

Satan:  "Las Vegas, then?"

Minion:  "Actually, Master, Oklahoma City."

FIZZBLIP [Minion is burnt to a cinder]

The bishop of Tulsa is taking this very seriously, so the Bear probably shouldn't joke. How have we arrived at a point where people are so afraid of litigation that they have to make a venue available for Satanists? Because we are afraid to say they are not a legitimate religion, but merely a semi-organized mockery of the Catholic Church. They're not going to be perverting a Methodist service, the Bear can tell you that.

On a related note, have you ever noticed how when movies want to create a "religious" atmosphere, it is always Catholic? It is the same principle.  A counterfeiter doesn't print fake Monopoly money, but phony legal tender. In a way, Satan can't help but pay the Church a compliment.

Wonder where they'll build
The Bear is sure the good bishop knows what he is doing. Spiritual forces are not to be trifled with. However, the Bear suspects that the devil is more likely to be present at someone's elbow when he clicks on a porn website, when she gossips about or envies her neighbor, than when some boobs enact a cartoonish and blasphemous bit of amateur theater.

Not that there are no people who traffick in spirits. But they don't advertise. 

The Sooner State? Not anymore. Oklahoma is quickly becoming The Satan State. Now that's savvy marketing!


  1. Straight to Hell in a surrey with a fringe on top.

    1. Ha.

      Friars and nuns and priests better scurry
      Of I'll drag them down in my burning surrey
      When I take you out in the surrey with the flames on top!
      Watch those flames and see how they sputter
      When your hair's on fire and your fat melts like butter.
      Scaredy cats'll peek thru' their shutters as your eyes start to pop.


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