Monday, September 8, 2014

Bear Update

Say JEPD one more time,
I dare you.

The New American Bible, Revised Edition (NABRE) is owned by the U.S. Bishops. It is a good translation, but the USCCB won't let it be published without its horrible, faith-destroying, Modernist notes. You know the kind: assume the anonymous writers were dolts; anything supernatural was made up; and everything is dated as late as possible to eliminate prophecy. Maybe you're the type that doesn't get ruffled by bad notes, but not the Bear.

There are other good translations out there that don't cause the Bear to tear out his hair, such as the Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition (or the Second Edition), the New Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition, or, last, but not least, the Douay Rheims.

St. Benedict Press is a reliable publisher. Their "UltraSoft" feels better than leather, softer, in the Bear's opinion. They have the RSVCE and the Douay Rheims in nice editions.

Ignatius Press is another good one. They have the RSVCE 2nd Ed. which gets rid of most of the "thees and thous," and makes a few changes to please conservatives, e.g. Isiah 7:14 they translated "virgin" instead of "young woman." (The Hebrew is actually "young woman," but translating it "virgin" is justifiable, and certainly traditional!) Between the two, most Catholics probably like the 2nd Edition a bit more, but it is really personal preference in both the translation and the edition.

The Bear just ordered the RSVCE from St. Benedict.

Reports of Ineffective Foot-Nailing

The Bear is alarmed to learn that since Cardinal Dolan decided to give his blessing to homosexual
depravity at the next St. Patrick's Day Parade, people who have followed the Bear's advice to "nail your foot to the floor in front of your favorite pew and die there," have nonetheless been bolting.

So for the duration of the current crisis, the Bear is making available:

  • three foot long augured stake
  • cold forged heavy-duty chain
  • 3-inch thick adjustable steel ankle bracelet that cannot be unlocked once applied. 

This gear has been tested in worst-case scenarios from the upcoming October synod without a single escapee. (During the "Pope Dolan" test one subject did chew his leg off.) Watch this space for further announcements.


  1. I'll take the foot nailing gear, thanks! Hopefully I don't chew my leg off.

  2. The Hebrew is actually "young woman," but translating it "virgin" is justifiable, and certainly traditional!

    My vote is that they settle on "maiden", though I guess we could get into a technical argument about whether a betrothed Jewish woman would qualify, given the marital formality of Jewish betrothals at the time.

  3. As a professional reliablity engineer, you must perform both the nail and augur tests in a.) EF and b.) othrodox and reverent NO and c.) heterodox and irreverent NO. As a seperate test group consider baseline and post stress as well.. For example, post stress may be post Synod.

    Just discovered your blog. I've enjoyed your sense of humor at a time when I find littlle and no consolations.

    1. I suspect there would be little need for the enhanced equipment in an EF parish or in an orthodox and reference NO. The original nailing protocol would be sufficient.

    2. There's only so much testing we can ethically do with nailing people's feet to the floor and exposing them to irreverent NO Masses. As a Bear, I am opposed to animal testing.

    3. And, welcome Newguy40. We try to have fun, otherwise the news would be too depressing!

  4. It would be especially unethical to expose participants to irreverent NO Masses!

  5. The RSV comes from the Masoretic text, seen by many, especially in Orthodoxy, as unreliable, having been monkeyed with in various Christ-denying ways. On the other hand, "parthenos", used in the Septuagint, is unambiguous and was not controversial in its day, but became so in the early Christian era, when Jewish scholarship was desperate to discredit the manifest fulfillment of OT prophecies. It's hard to imagine any other reading of Isaiah 7:14 that could qualify as a remarkable sign from God.

    It is not an entirely unrelated phenomenon that the same church of nice that uncritically accepts the Masoretic revisions should have produced the hee-hawing Cardinal Dolan desperate to be everybody's friend.

    1. Yes, the "but shouldn't we use the actual Hebrew text?" avoids the uncertainties surrounding the Jewish canon which, was, after all, established after Christ by people hostile to him.

      I don't foresee biblical scholars going to the LXX though (!) There's always the Douay Rheims. And the RSVCE/2d still avoids the crazy-making USCCB notes.


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