Thursday, October 16, 2014

Evil Jesuits Ain't What They Used to Be

Perhaps what is most disappointing about the Synod on the Family is how inept the villains are. The Bear wants menacing, pointy-beard-stroking Jesuitical geniuses from the Black Legend dandling their pet tarantulas on their knees as they spin their plots. (Pyrates by the late, great George MacDonald Fraser, better known for his Flashman books, is a rollicking great example of how evil Catholics should act.)

These guys are more like Cardinal Fang and the other Monty Python inquisitors.

Pope Francis has formed the greatest Argentine-German conspiracy since the rat lines at the end of WWII, and how does his Teutonic genius answer criticism from African prelates? When we want Sambo's opinion we'll ask for it. (Nothing could make homosexuals' top peg on the sensitivity totem pole clearer than the absence of voices crying out for Kasper's head on a platter.) Well, Cardinal, at the rate you're going, Catholicism will still be going strong in Africa long after the last Mass is said in Germany (sometime next week, the Bear hears). The Bear can't help but think if the Germans, not the Africans, had been shoved to the back of the bus, this would be a much saner synod.

The prelates fielding reporters' questions for the most part looked like a line-up of Obama press secretaries. Arrogant, evasive and mendacious. And for Pete's sake, is it too much to ask that they manage things so you can't actually see Pope Francis manipulating the strings from the overhead platform?

Speaking of Francis, the Most Humble, the most Compassionate, the Most Merciful -- another year and he's going to have more titles than Allah -- there are reports he is passing notes -- passing notes -- to the show runners during the synod. Could we at least try, gentlemen? Black rats with little pouches could scurry across the floor and climb up some cardinal's leg. Or a large spider could lower itself right in front of his nose, bearing a message. Heck, even a sinister masked figure would at least be an effort.

Funny how all those things Pope Francis has said, starting five minutes after becoming Pope, seem reflected in this document no one seems to know who wrote. Could we be more transparent? What happened to Jesuitical subtlety? Of course Pope Francis wrote the Relatio, no matter which hand puppets get shoved in front of the cameras. We know the bishops didn't even get a chance to see it, so do you really think it doesn't contain a jot or tittle that Pope Francis didn't want?

The Bear calls BS on the whole thing. (That is Bear Suspicion.)

"Make a mess." Now there's some sound, spiritual advice, because if there's one thing religious people like, it is buffoons screwing around with what they hold most dear. So, here's our mess. In the end, these are all settled topics, and few are unable to determine the truth. To the extent sins are committed in reliance on the synod, the clerics will share the guilt.

I'd much rather be called to account for poking a little fun at wickedness in high places than encouraging sins that cry out to heaven.


  1. Liberals were woefully unprepared for this synod. If I was a liberal at the synod, I would have asked Cardinal Burke the following question:

    "Cardinal Burke, as you well know, the previous doctrine of the Church allowed Catholic states to execute heretics. With the recent news of ISIS beheading people for apostatizing from Islam, do you believe a Catholic state could still execute heretics today in light of the teaching on religious liberty from Vatican II?"

    I would have loved to hear his answer. Alas, liberals are dumb.

  2. I think we can forgive liberal journos for asking the tough questions, like, whether Catholic states (there aren't any) should execute Muslims (see the Church's current position on capital punishment, and the big "HUH?" in the Catholic Dictionary next to the word "heresy.")

    Anyway, something tells me Cardinal Burke would have handled them better than the Cardinals at the presser (!)

    No, the liberals that counted were more than ready for this. It's the conservatives who were suspicious, but probably not suspicious enough.

  3. So much for the much-vaunted curial reform, eh? The way this Synod's going, we're soon going to be reminiscing about the administrative genius of the Benedict years.

    1. Yeah... that kind of dropped off the radar screen. I seem to remember being assured by the happy love all-singing dancers that that was all being taken care of discretely. Well, there has been a lot of "walking" and "smelling" in this papacy, so maybe there just hasn't been time. Once Pope Francis finishes improving on God's work with the family, maybe he can turn his attention to more mundane matters.

      The first thing he should do is distance himself from his pet Cardinal's comments about Africans keeping their traps shut while the Ubermenschen sort things out for everyone.

      If an ordinary politician had called a secret meeting, packed the report committee, issued a bombshell working document no one is willing to take credit for, been caught passing notes back and forth, and tolerated arguably racist remarks by his whip, the press would be all over him.


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