Francis isn't all bad, the Bear supposes. He has said some things that have inspired the Bear. Some of his pantomime is a bit much, but the Bear knows not every circus trick turns out to be a crowd-pleaser. (One time in Budapest, someone got the bright idea of a Bear-and-Ponies act. What were they thinking?)
The Bear has to say, though, that Francis doesn't seem very Catholic. Let alone Catholic enough to be the Pope. The more he careens through the barrio in his red bannered, solar-powered Mad Max vehicle screaming "I am the Lorax! I speak for the trees!" the harder it is to imagine that he really is the Pope.
Let's put it this way. If Francis is the Pope, the Catholic Church has never had a Pope before, has taught the wrong things for 2000 years, and is history's most evil institution.
Then along came Francis. Like Michelle Obama said of America, for the first time we could be proud of the Catholic Church.
But this can't be right. Francis is clearly the outlier here even if his apologists are Legion.
The Bear gets the conclave. Sure, it's cool to "make history," and pick some guy from Argentina. Especially if there really was a "Team Bergoglio" lobbying for him. But if our Francis as we now know him is what the cardinals really intended, it's time to do whatever we need to do to get our Church back.
I know. It is a frightening thing to see how a Bear's mind works.
Now, the Bear knows we Catholics are supposed to be a bunch of doofusses who can't genuflect and chew gum at the same time. We're not qualified to criticize our betters and it's a sin besides. It's their Church, after all. How lovely that they let us come in sometimes as long as we
But that's not the way it is. The shepherd is for the sheep, not the sheep for the shepherd. Unless he's fleecing them.
Here's something else. Don't you find it a little coincidental that at the very moment we've got Francis channeling The Big Giant Head, there's something else nearly as unprecedented? Of what does the Bear speak?
We just happen to have an extra pope.
That's right. Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI.
Come on, what are the odds?
So, if someone were unable to conceive of Jorge Bergoglio being and acting as Pope, who -- protestations to the contrary notwithstanding -- would probably be the real Pope? As we have seen, running around saying stuff all the time, isn't necessarily a good quality in a Pope. Silent Pope Benedict -- if he were Pope -- is doing a fantastic job, thinks the Bear.
Now, the Bear has no idea how it could work out so Pope Benedict's resignation was not effective. Maybe it wasn't accepted. All the Bear is saying is that if Bergoglio isn't pope, then Ratzinger may be.
After all, who else?
In the Bear's fantasy, we all just ignore Jorge Bergoglio and pay attention to to Pope Benedict. (Except when he says he's not Pope. Then we smile and shake our heads indulgently, and say "We know it's hard and confusing, Papa, but it will be alright.")
And this blog will have day after day of stories saying, "Today, Pope Benedict didn't say anything or do much."
And that will be wonderful news.