Friday, August 7, 2015

Dear Reinhard: Is Sex With a Prostitute Adultery?

Once again, we look over the shoulder of Germany's favorite advice columnist, Reinhard Marx, as he opens up his mailbag...

Dear Reinhard,

My wife and I have been married for eighteen years and have a six year old daughter. I love my wife, but for three years I have been seeing a sex worker in a Munich brothel, Magdalena. She is the only working girl I ever visit, and I  have fallen in love with her. Although I realize this may be less than ideal, I love both my wife and Magdalena.

I hear some people saying that this may be "adultery," and, further, that it could be a mortal sin and maybe I shouldn't take communion! I am a good Catholic and want to do the right thing. Surely God recognizes the stable and loving relationship I enjoy alongside my marriage? What should I do?

Muddled in Munich

Reinhard replies...

Dear Muddled:

Don't be so hard on yourself. As the editors of the traditions gathered together under the name "Jeremiah" wrote: "The heart is perverse above all things, and unsearchable, who can know it?" Pascal, though only a Frenchman, expressed a similar sentiment when he said, "The heart has its reasons that reason knows not." What these authors, separated by centuries, agree upon is this: you cannot control whom you love.

The important thing is that we find a way for you to feel welcome in the Church in your clandestine extramarital relationship with Magdalena. Is it right to call a committed, though unorthodox, loving relationship adultery? I think not. So enjoy the blessings of love (and love!) and do not let small-hearted naysayers keep you from communion!

I am sending you an autographed copy of Pope Francis' friend and collaborator Archbishop Victor Manuel Fernandez's "Heal Me With Your Mouth: the Art of Kissing." (Sounds like you could use it!)

God bless you!

Next installment: Dear Reinhard 2 -- The Plot Thickens


  1. nobody, but NOBODY writes like a Bear! Thanks for a rare (these days) laugh.

    It's just a shame that Reinhard forgot to quote that great American sage and moral pillar, Woody Allen, when explaining why Allen thought it was ok to shtoop the teenage girl he raised as a daughter with Mia Farrow....
    "The heart wants what the heart wants".

    Reinhard must be slipping.

    1. Perhaps that will be the next "Dear Reinhard."

  2. Hey, who are you to judge!???

    And, let's be specific. Jeremiah was a particular being. He was a bullfrog. Come on. Quit dancing around the facts.


  3. Dear Reinhart,

    My wife and I have been happily married for 18 years and have a six year old son. We consider ourselves regular mass goers with interest in the faith. I have been having a relationship with a sex worker, Gunther (Twink) in a Berlin bathhouse for the past four years. I love this young man and think of him as my son. He has recently been diagnosed as HIV + and I am his only emotional support. I also contribute to his material support as his family has abandoned him. Don't worry, I always wear a condom, so am not endangering my wife.

    I've searched around the Internet and some Catholic sites say that being gay is disordered and that non-vaginal sex is a mortal sin, and I'm incredulous! I've never experienced this at my welcoming parish! Can this be? I am a regular communicant and as my son prepares for his First Holy Communion I want to be prepared with the right answers. There will come a day when he starts asking about these things.

    Thank you and God bless!

    Befuddled in Berlin.

  4. I come to this blog for commentary and satire -- but all I find is the latest news.

  5. He kinda forgot that Marriage is a sacrament and having sexual relations with another is in violation of that sacrament. If this guy loves this other woman Great! Don't have sex with her!

  6. Reinhart's reply to Befuddled above:

    My dear son,

    First let me say how laudable it is that you provide such precious support to the young man you describe above. It is obvious to me that you take the Gospel message to heart in serving the least of our brothers.

    It is good that you recognise the need for protection to keep your wife out of harm's way. To put one's spouse first is a heroic gesture for which you should be commended.

    As far as describing our gay brethren as "disordered" do understand that this unfortunate and uncharitable phraseology comes to us via a Slavic pope from a far less developed region of the continent. His catechism is now far past its "sell by" date! Be rest assured that the Synod Fathers have it foremost on the agenda to eliminate uncharitable and unscientific descriptors from the catechism.

    We must not obsess on the mechanics of genital expression--we as a Church must meet people where they are and accompany them on their journey. Pay no attention to outdated, tit-for-tat examinations of conscience.

    My blessings on your son as he prepares to partake in the beauty of our Shared Meal in the Lord.

    I remain,

  7. Perhaps reinhard is also in the real estate business for added income. .... unused church property for sale.... quick liquidation......
    Could it be the effects of the heavy allied bombings ?


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