Monday, February 1, 2016

Tales of a Homicidal Rooster

"Die, egg-stealing fiend!"

Forget Bear attacks. The Shepherdess must pass by the rooster every time she goes out to the goats. And most of the time, the rooster tries to kill her. Indeed, she will often return bleeding copiously from spur and beak.

Today, her adventure would have satisfied Romans at the Coliseum. Perhaps some comic relief between prisoners fighting animals bare-handed and the retarius vs. secutor. When the rooster-fighter is wearing pajamas and flip-flops, it's clear that it's all in fun.

When the rooster attacked, she picked up a stick. But he was a small, agile target. Spying a garbage can lid, she sprinted for it, and now had a shield as well as a stick. She was definitely drawing on her Celtic genetic memory.

She was able to sort of smash him down underneath the garbage can lid, but that was only a temporary solution. She made a dash toward a small pink bucket (where did that come from?) leaving the rooster -- who was very angry from being smashed -- in pursuit. Still holding her garbage can lid, she put her stick in her teeth and attempted to "bucket" the rooster, as she has done before. Unfortunately, the pink bucket was too small. So she fled once more, with the rooster in hot pursuit.

Unfortunately, she ran out of the Bear's field of view from the window at the top of the stairs, where he stood, sipping his coffee.

She prepared a delicious omelette, and was not bandaged, so the Bear assumes she eventually prevailed over the dastardly Saxon rooster. It would have made a great running gag on Green Acres, had the writers thought of it. One of the Bear's sons contributed an illustration of Boudicca. The Bear thinks the rooster might be unnerved by woad.



9 comments:

  1. Oh dear. This does give buffs a bad name. Could you plan a nice rooster salad and replace him?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We've only lost one hen, so he seems to be on the ball.

      Delete
  2. I laughed so hard I sprained a spleen. My hat is off to your lady...she is a true warrior maiden.

    ...while you sipped your coffee.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad you could enjoy her predicament with me.

      Delete
  3. Very funny. As a suggestion, you might want to catch the unruly and cross rooster scene in "Cold Mountain". that fella came to a bit of a bad end.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Replies
    1. Why, thank you. Just a typical morning in Zoar.

      Delete

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