Friday, April 1, 2016

Bear's April Fool's Day (You Won't Believe #15)

The only drawback of being an ursine purveyor of frequent satire is that the Bear cannot really get in the spirit of April Fools Day. But the Bear does take April Fools Day, carefully cuts it into pieces like a potato, and lovingly plants them behind his house. They sprout and grow, and so there's always a bit of April Fools Day to enrich this little three-ring circus.

But the Bear has put a Parody tag at the bottom of this post. If you click on it, you will have access to all the satire and parody that has appeared in this ephemeris.

And besides, what can you do with April Fools Day when Pope Francis is panicking about global warming and claiming previous popes allowed nuns to use contraception? When Pope Francis is jetting to Sweden to celebrate the Reformation with a female Lutheran Bishop on Halloween? When the pope releases bizarro "Pope Videos" that are patently anti-Catholic? Or how about a document that says Jews are good to go without Christ?

It's April Fools Day every day with this pontificate. At least we know who the fools are. They don't bother to hide it.

The one thing you can count on, dear reader, is that the author of this ephemeris is really, truly, a Bear, ursus arctos, with a bite force of 850 PSI (shark: 669); the best nose in the animal kingdom; the ability to see in color and to run 30 MPH.

Here are some fun and little-known facts about Bears. The Bear would not want to be the human that established #15. But he wants to hear Pope Francis complain about that one in his next speech on global warming. The Bear double-dog dares him.


  1. I feel like Gen. Pickett. I have no ephemeris!

  2. #7: A group of bears is called a sloth.

    Now I wonder if I have bear ancestry...

    Elizabeth R

    1. Rather insulting term. Besides, Bear's don't hang out in groups much.

    2. I don't know if that's so insulting. After all, if a group of bears decide to be sloth-ful, who's going to tell them otherwise?

      Now, a male bear being called a "bore" and his mate being called a "sow"--them is fighting words.

      So what's up with the solider bear?
      A rival Bear?

    3. Cute li'l feller. The Bear... well, he is German, after all.

  3. I like #6. That Irish lass must have been as fertile as the Kansas fields.

    1. Lucky for the Irish they didn't stick around, although polar bears are completely overrated.


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