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Bear Banned From Facebook, Rolls Out New Facebook Page

"Cardinal Kasper bets this Bear
can't get 500 likes."
The Bear assumes someone has chosen this moment to report his Facebook page to the authorities, invoking the "No Bears Allowed" rule. The Bear cannot imagine why anyone would feel particularly vindictive against him right now, based on anything he's written about in the past few days. So, nah, it was probably just a random Bear sweep by Mark Zuckerberg.

In any event, invites have been sent to all current Bear Friends to move to this page. Of course, new friends are welcome, as well. 

New features include enhanced personal details and biographical data. How tall is Bear at the shoulder on all fours? How much does he weigh? What music does he like? Yeah... stuff like that. (Gosh that sounded so much better when the Bear started this paragraph.)

Here's what is currently up on the soon-to-be-banned page. This is actually going to work out a lot better, the Bear thinks.

Advantages of friending the Bear are many. First of all, if someone is really bothering you, well, a Bear in need is a friend indeed, as the old saying goes. Second, all ephemera (blog, for the uninitiated) articles will be shared on the new FB Page that isn't a Page. Third, the Bear will start posting his world-famous Catholic agitprop for you to enjoy and share, and also random misfirings of his ursine brain in short text form. And lastly, you can enjoy a more intimate and spontaneous relationship with your Bear. (Boy, that came out really creepy sounding, but you know what the Bear means.)


Comments

  1. Great news from Bearland. Wishing you much success. How many days before do you think this attempt will last?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Shouldn't be a problem since it's a "Page" (as opposed to a Page) like celebrities and businesses can have). Now I just have to manage to complete the switch by getting everyone on the same page -- literally.

      Delete
  2. Facebiook allows 50 some "genders" but you can't be a bear?

    ReplyDelete

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