Monday, May 2, 2016

May Is Bear Danger Awareness Month



Pretty much self-explanatory. Bears are not to be trifled with, no matter how winsome they may appear. Between the funny hat and the unicycle sits 800 lbs of destructive power with jaws that can crush a skull, paws that can break a spine with ease, and claws that can turn you inside out with one swipe.

If you encounter a Bear, offer it salmon, or cash, or both, just to be safe. Tell the Bear to wait while you go get more salmon and cash out of your car, then drive away to safety. But make sure the Bear does not get your license number.

Here's a Bear Safety Video for your enjoyment. But remember, your best protection against even the most fearsome Bear is: always go into the woods with someone who runs more slowly than you do. Then you don't have to outrun the Bear. You just have to outrun your friend.



11 comments:

  1. That's why people invite me to go to the woods with them: I don't run very fast!

    Elizabeth R

    ReplyDelete
  2. Bear falls for the oldest trick in the book:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CVS1UfCfxlU

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good tactic -- if you want to turn an angry Bear into a really Bear. Funny.

      Delete
  3. What happened to your vacation Bear? I thought you were going back to the woods for a few days to scare a few folks. Anyway, glad you are back with helpful hits.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The Bear is a workaholic, which is unusual among Bears. Perhaps he shall resume his vacation. He knows he needs one (badly) but can't seem to resist the almost supernatural hold this ephemeris has upon him.

      Oh, Mike, and he happened to have something important to say :-) If you were a woodland creature, methinks you would be the bee.. A generous supplier of golden honey, but with a keen sting when necessary. A clear thinker who can fashion strong, (hexagonal) arguments. The best of friends to the Bear.

      Delete
  4. Especially timely video, Bear. We are heading to Whistler in July and will now be alert to this fearsome danger.

    Love your ephemeris!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Take plenty of salmon on ice and some cash -- 50 bucks for a black Bear. Here is a secret: smile, sing and dance, and few Bears can resist. And it is against the Bear Code to eat one's dance partner. Be sure to have someone video it, then we can post it here!

      Delete
  5. Speaking of videos!: http://www.romereports.com/2016/05/03/pope-francis-asks-for-the-role-of-women-to-be-assessed-in-his-may-prayer-intention-video

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yeah... they're hardly even blogworthy anymore. But the Bear did, of course. Mostly just having some fun,

      Delete
  6. Bear, glad you're back. Thank you for this important information. The video was great, too!

    ReplyDelete

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