|The latest in medical technology.|
Today, he got a call from his Nurse Practitioner (who is more properly concerned with the other end of the Bear) who absolutely insisted that he come in and be seen, or he would probably be dead of sepsis in 24 hours from his sore paw.
The Bear's paw had been elevated to a Medical Emergency. The Bear admits to being flattered by the concern and he went into the local VA clinic and was seen by Dr. Tong. Dr. Tong does not speak a word of English, although no one has ever had the courage to tell him so. Even the Bear hesitates making his primary care physician hate him.
Dr. Tong apparently agreed with the Bear that whatever made his paw sore, it was getting better. Nonetheless, having been seen by Dr. Tong, he was obligated to send the Bear to the regional VA hospital for an x-ray. Apparently, just because, but the Bear will never know for sure.
His sore paw x-rayed, the Bear was free to go. The x-ray table is very hard, and it is quite awkward for a Bear to remove himself except by doing a sit-up. In all honesty, the Bear does not do very many sit-ups, relying on his natural animal fitness.
So, remember, the Bear had just gotten an unnecessary x-ray for a sore paw Dr. Tong had already declared (the Bear believes) a non-issue. He should never have been there in the first place.
In rising from the x-ray table, the Bear popped an old hernia repair. Congratulations, VA, you have now caused a real medical problem by playing around with an imaginary one. So now the Bear walks to the Emergency Room, holding his guts in with a pot lid, like in Apocalypse Now. Well, not quite, but still... (See how things can quickly escalate once you place yourself in the hands of the VA?)
An hour and a half later, the Bear leaves with his arm bandaged for the "rainbow draw," you automatically get at the ER, and a surgery consult that might result in a phone call in a month or two. Or not.
The Bear is something of an expert in hernias (is this oversharing?) having had his stuffing popping out in various places so many times no surgeon will touch his hernial areas with a ten-foot-pole. Apparently, after a couple of surgeries, the surgeon has no "landmarks" to go by and is completely baffled on how to sew up a hole from which your intestines are coming out of. Ridiculous! This is Teddy Bear Surgery 101 that the Bear's mate could do!
The ER nurse said to just buy underwear a size smaller. Seriously. Can you imagine the Bear in his too-small Walter White tighty whities? (If you actually did, the Bear is a little frightened.) Does that even sound comfortable, let alone effective?
The advances in medical science today amaze the Bear.