Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Cozy Bear and Fancy Bear

The Bear knows many of you doubt the truth of much of what the Bear relates about himself. This is understandable, as the Bear is so awesome and leads such an exciting life.

However, consider this late bit of news.

The Democratic National Committee was hacked by two groups named "Cozy Bear" and "Fancy Bear." These hackers are alleged to have ties with Russian intelligence, which Russia denies. They were looking for DNC opposition research on Donald Trump.

As a Bear currently living in Moscow and enjoying access to the highest levels of the Russian government, the Bear states that it is quite impossible for Russia to be involved.

"But how would you know that, Bear?" you ask.

You may remember that back in May, the Bear was abducted by Turkish agents and held in an Istanbul zoo, scheduled for execution. (Another state -- very small -- was involved, the Bear believes, but he does not have sufficient proof yet to name names.)

The odious "Bunny Rabbit" hacked this ephemeris from a static I.P. address assigned to the Vatican. Now think. Who was it that hacked the hackers and put Bunny Rabbit out of business?


And who was it who rescued the Bear? A Russian landing ship that "just happened to be" transiting the Bosphorus when somebody -- who knows, maybe SPETSNAZ GRU commandos -- disabled the Turkish guards, blew the doors off the Bear's cage, and led him on a two mile chase through the streets of Istanbul under a hail of gunfire. (Seven, if anyone is curious. But you don't live 1300 years if you can be brought down by a few Turkish bullets. The Bear has had worse bee stings.)

Cozy Bear. Fancy Bear. B34R. Russia. Things that make you go hmmm.

Why would Russia go to so much trouble to rescue the Bear?

The Bear has no idea. Everyone knows Russia loves Bears. The Bear was able to get Morse code and shortwave radio messages off in the clear.  It is probably all a big coincidence that has nothing to do with Russian tensions with Turkey or the Bear's long-standing ties with Russia, and shadowy connection with every significant event in 20th century Russian history.

Of course, the Bear could have made it all up, and just made a lucky guess about the "Bear Group" of hackers with supposed ties to Russian intelligence. That's probably it. After all, if the Bear did know, do you think he would be blabbing? Unless someone wanted him to for some reason.

However, Russia was not involved in the hacking. Do not believe lies from the American press. Believe the Bear.

In an unrelated matter, the Bear is endorsing Donald Trump for President in 2016.

Do svidanya.


  1. Would believe the bear any day over the U.S. msm.

    Seattle kim

  2. I agree with Seattle Kim above. I trust Bear more than I ever would a politician or a news journalist.

  3. won't tell us this all disinformation?

    1. The Russian government has firmly denied that Cozy Bear and Fancy Bear work for Russian intelligence. The Bear truly does not know where B34R fits into the mysterious "Bear Group" of hackers, other than they seem to be friendly to the Bear, and were counter-hacking Bunny Rabbit at the same time Russian special forces effected his rescue last month.

      The Bear has absolute confidence in the Russian government.

      Sometimes countries want to send signals, yet do not want there to be any proof that the signals are coming from official channels. Drop a hint here, a slip there. Plausible deniability.

      No doubt Russia wants Turkey to know they rescued the Bear from the heart of their capital. But they don't want the diplomatic fallout. Perhaps they might let the Bear speak of it, because, well, some do not find a large talking predator credible, believe it or not.

      Similarly, perhaps someone wants everyone to know "the Bear group" has the capability to hack the DNC, and wants everyone to know they were interested in the dirt the DNC was gathering on Trump. It is embarrassing to the DNC, and might provide material aid to Trump, who has already signaled his blessedly sensible desire to end America's reflexive opposition to Russia. We are natural allies. Russia, with the fraction of the military resources, have flat-out beat Obama's idiotic policy in Syria.

      Officially, all the Bear can say is that the Russians deny any involvement in "Bear group" operations against the DNC.

    2. What I found interesting in the article is that in the discussion of the hit on the DNC and the US departments, there was no mention whatsoever about Hillary's email server.

      All that talk about the sophistication of the Russians:
      [He said the DNC was not engaged in a fair fight. “You’ve got ordinary citizens who are doing hand-to-hand combat with trained military officers,” he said. “And that’s an untenable situation.]

      But Hillary and her staff of one held them off.


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