Saturday, July 30, 2016

Bear Reveals Truth About Judging Angels Authorship

"A genre-bending masterpiece of literature. It almost made me want to convert." 
- Bashar al-Assad, President of Syria

You know, the Bear is getting kind of irritated.

This Tim Capps fellow is traveling everywhere, making all the late night talk show appearances, and what does the Bear get? As GHOSTWRITER, .00005% of royalties.

Now Bears are not all that good at math, but the Bear is beginning to think his "good friend" has taken advantage of him.

Nobody will buy a book written by a Bear, he said. What about all those articles I wrote for your stupid blog?" he said. You'll scare everyone off at book signings, he said. I'm devastatingly handsome, while you're a bit, well, hairy, he said. And smelly, he said. You have unsavory friends like Bashar al-Assad, he said. You've managed to fight on both sides of every war in the 20th century, he said. You have bad press written all over that adorable face of yours.

Well, any human can write a novel. How many are there available written by a real, live Bear? So at least you, visitors, friends and woodland creatures will know, the Bear actually wrote the book. He sold his chance at literary fame for a mess of salmon pottage.

The Bear can only imagine your shock and outrage.

Never again.


  1. Is that really your book? Now I have to go back and re-read. Wow Bear, if so, I'm really happy for you! Congratulations!! :-D

  2. Oh my goodness. I just saw your photo. I say this with all sincerity, you are just as endearing and adorable in your photo as you are in your bearish ephemeris. I mean it, your personality comes across just as much in your photo. I see a gentleman with real humanity there, the bow tie is off the chart. How cute you are!! And what a distinguished career you have had.
    But are goats really preferable to sheep? Sheep are so cuddly, and goats seem mischievous. What about that little goat that was knocking over his friends in a popular video recently? That seems extreme. I like animals that are easygoing.

    1. I figure you maybe have a two hour, maybe three head start after Red Death reads this. Make the most of it, Kathleen.

  3. Fame, makes a man take things over
    Fame, let's him loose, hard to swallow
    Fame, puts you there where things are hollow
    Fame (David Bowie)

    Stay Bearish.

    1. Fortunately, it is doubtful that the temptations of fame will present themselves to an old Bear. Like all the Bear's writings, the primary motivation is to share some fun with people, and slip in an insight whenever he can get away with it.

      The difficulty is pinning down the genre. I really do think a Catholic screwball comedy is as good as any, although my publisher, who is far wiser than I about these things, puts it in the psychological thriller category. In typical Bearish fashion, it's so crammed full of everything, you could name any genre and you would be right. Mostly tongue in cheek, except where people are messily dying or involved in domestic kidnapping. Okay, I take that back. The last is tongue in cheek, too. Pretty much good people acting horribly, but they have their reasons.

  4. Sorry to hear you and this dreadful Capps fellow are having problems. I think the fact that you wrote the book should be announced to the world as animal worship is big nowadays. Lots of folks out there would buy in to this. Book sales would skyrocket. And a TV series would be planned, etc. etc. So,Bear, broom Capps and go for the gold yourself.

    1. Can't. Contractual obligations. He's gotten me out of plenty of jams (as you probably imagine) so it's it so bad. Thanks for the salmon, btw. Much appreciated! I am shamefully behind in emails what with writing Capps' novel for him and all. I looked last night and had over 1000 emails I hadn't read. Oh bother.

  5. Why, yes, this fantastic ephemeris is 100% my property, and I do have 100% control over what appears on it! Thank you very much for asking!

    1. This, BTW, was in response to the author of some weird, unpublished comments, not anything seen here.


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