Thursday, July 7, 2016

Bear Will Have Nuclear Launch Codes

Within 24 hours of Hillary Clinton's swearing in, the Bear has been assured by the completely mysterious and totally unconnected with the Bear hacker group you may remember from the Bunny Rabbit Incident, B34R (or Cozy Bear or Fancy Bear as they are sometimes called), that they will supply the Bear with everything necessary to target and launch every last nuclear weapon in the inventory of the United States.

Admit it. You are so much more comfortable with the Bear having control of The Bomb than some ridiculous human. Of course, the Bear would never use his powers for evil. He means at all. Readers of this ephemeris know how seriously he takes everything, and this shall be no exception.

But, just in case, he's making a list, and checking it twice. He predicts the mere knowledge of this development will improve international behavior. And could see to the Bear's salmon needs for the foreseeable future.


  1. They wouldn't be your drones flying over the Savannah River, would they, Bear?

  2. Very good. We would much prefer BAD to MAD.


Moderation is On.

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