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Contest: Guess the Bear's Big Announcement!

Dragons? Not worried.


The correct guess shall receive a valuable (i.e. tangible) prize!  Eventually! Some suggestions:

  • He will be named to Trump's cabinet.
  • He finally has a grandbear.
  • His ephemeris has been picked up by Patheos.
  • He received a personal phone call from the Pope.
  • He was just type-rated on the 737.
  • J.J. Abrams is rolling out a movie about the Bear's adventures, featuring time travel.
  • SCB has been voted one of the Top Ten Catholic Blogs (in the large talking predator category)
  • He has been hired as the official spokesbear for Russia.
  • Robert Downey, Jr. has invited him to spend the weekend with him.
  • His conviction several years ago for... that business in Pennsylvania has been overturned on appeal.
  • His mate, Red Death, has finally conceded that our marriage is valid after all.
  • Or not, and the Bear is free to marry Natalie Dormer. (Shout out, Nats!)
  • He's going to be severely injured when Red Death reads the above.
  • Finally, the Bear has just signed a contract with HBO to play a major new character in Game of Thrones' last two seasons: the Bear, from Bear Island (hard to avoid typecasting when you're a talking animal).


In case of same guesses, the one with the most detail will break the tie. Polish those crystal balls and let your imaginations run wild.

Contest will end midnight, Woodland Savings Time, Tuesday.

Comments

  1. I'm betting that it's number 2- an adorable grandbear! Congratulations to Bear and Red Death and the proud parents!

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  2. I hope it's not Patheos - but maybe another platform, such as the National Catholic Register?

    - The Beaver

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    Replies
    1. Can you really see the Bear domesticated even by NCReg?

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    2. Only as a step in your plan for conquest of the interwebs

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    3. Oh, the Bear's designs extend far beyond the interwebs.

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  3. Thirteen seems a logical choice.

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  4. As I said before, congratulations on the novel.

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    1. No doubt the Bear can write. So, it's a good guess... He likes it much better than Yarnbunny's.

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  5. "Your Ephemeris" is the term of address for an auxiliary bishop, no?

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    1. The Bear has been a lawyer and a piano player in a bordello. He has to maintain some dignity. No.

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  6. Best picks Pope's December intention and makes companion video!

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  7. Replies
    1. meh, the Bear can't get interested in the Pope Videos anymore. Maybe if there were guest directors. Can you imagine a David Lynch Pope Video? Quentin Tarantino? Now that would be worth watching.

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  8. you've discovered your inner she-bear, found a pair of smashing size 23 EEEEE stilettos, and are going to go the full caitlyn in a prime-time special on the National Fishing Network in August, hosted by Bear Grylls (?).....(nice touch that last, eh? :)

    you know francis would give you a private audience.

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    Replies
    1. If there were a prize for twisted creativity, you would win.

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    2. I get that a lot.

      So....do I win a goat? How 'bout a goat? Wouldn't mind a goat. I'll take Deuce!....or Javert....your choice. Just don't try to throw Goatburger in there....or is he already dead?

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    3. We just one boomerang goat, Willow. Gave him away, but the people didn't keep him. If you come by Zoar Farm, you can take Goatburger.

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  9. All the things on the list seem possible, except that the Pope would give the Bear a personal phone call. So I'm going off the board and guessing that the Bear will announce that he has caught Mew, Mewtwo, Moltres, Zapdos, Articuno and Ditto...the six rarest finds in Pokemon Go.

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    1. terry....I'm utterly and completely horrified that you know that.

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    2. So, Terry, do you sit in court playing Pokemon Go? "Hang on a second, Your Honor, I just have to finish this one thing." Are your grandkids old enough for that already?

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  10. Oh dear Bear! I hope JJ Abrams has a better role for you, than he had for the bear on LOST! ;)

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    1. As if a handgun is going to bring down a charging polar Bear, anyway. "I know how to get a darned fish biscuit." Best line in the show.

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  11. Congratulations on your novel...

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    1. The Bear does not know where this novel rumor is coming from. Remember, the Woodlands are very much like the Twilight Zone, and you never know where reality ends and fantasy begins.

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    2. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    3. True crimes aren't nearly entertaining as made-crimes, where nobody really gets hurt. I could certainly write a book on trial strategy, but it might fall into evil hands. I will take my secrets to the grave. I will probably forensically challenge the errors of the current occupant of St. Peter's Throne in a manner similar to what I have done in the past. Got rid of the death penalty in my state, lost my job, calling it a day. My sons have remote control drones. They didn't seem to be very entertaining in the long run.

      As for former posts about a novel, I am honestly clueless, although I do not dispute you. We'll see if I can find and delete them faster than you can cite them

      Good to see you post.

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    4. "True crimes aren't nearly entertaining as made-crimes"

      No, seriously, it's the latest network grab. I even tried googling for you as announced with some of them. Netflixs is renewing (avery), CBS (Jon Benet), NBC (Menendez brothers), and I think a couple of others. They are all very high profile, and I don't know if yours could match those for profile. But the announcements all came about the time you announced a big project.

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    5. I was of record on Chris Coleman, killed his beautiful wife and two boys to run off with a dog track waitress from Florida. He was security for televangelist Joyce Meyers, and would lose his job over a divorce. Horrible, horrible crime. The only one that still bothers me. That got quite a bit of attention. I did not play a major role, though.

      Ernst Bruny with the "suitcase boy" murder got some sensationalistic attention on Oprah.

      But, most cases are just people being killed who aren't pretty, or white, or female. Those don't usually get much attention, except the ones with a racial element.

      All I did was murders and sex offenders. I was glad to retire. I learned one thing, though. No one should be defined by the worst thing they ever did. I have had the experience of watching the news and seeing some horrible crime and thinking, what an inhuman monster. Then I wind up representing him. The scare thing is they're just people. Murders are seldom planned, mostly just substance impaired people getting bad ideas. Sex Offenders, the bad ones, child porn, too, I literally don't get it. They didn't ask to be perverts, and usually there's some seriously messed up stuff in their past. I always tried my best for my clients, and was unusual in being able to maintain a good relationship. I think it was because I saw the as persons. Of course, once they get in the joint, here come the ineffective assistance of counsel claims LOL. The Client Gratitude Curve is very amusing.

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    6. Looks like we have a winner!

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    7. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    8. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    9. Tim asked me to float some early concepts for him, that's all.

      Just so your joke is not taken seriously by anyone - plagiarizing is a death sentencing in publishing - Ursula Archer is a nom de plume for the Bear. Judging Angels is 100% the original work of Tim Capps, for better or worse.

      Except, of course, the Bear's substantial (and uncredited) assistance.

      The Turks and the- nevermind, but let's just say a very small southern European state, were relentless in interrogating the Bear, including the use of hallucinogens. It is true is memory has not been as sharp since.

      Fortunately, the Bear has strong ties to Russia, and was rescued by SPETSNAZ commandos who freed him and led him on a two-mile dash through the dark streets of Istanbul to a waiting Russian landing ship.

      The publisher obviously wants as little of the book's substance as possible available online, so the Bear was asked to sanitize his ephemeris. He did the best he could.

      It should be borne in mind that anything that has appeared before represents earlier drafts and substantial rewrites have occurred. The time-travel element has been removed entirely, for example. Everyone can look forward to a novel that is shiny new and - there's no other way of saying this - Bearish.

      If you enjoy the Bear's style and humor, you will enjoy Judging Angels. Even though the Bear did not write it, but, rather his friend, Tim Capps.

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  12. That's easy, all the above.

    In particular the points related to Pennsylvania, Robert Downey Jr., Trump, the Pope, J.J. Abrams, Red Death, Natalie Dormer, and HBO are causally related in that order, with the other points as natural consequences of one or more of the above sequences.

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    1. That is an interesting scenario. RDJ and I went on a cocaine fueled rampage (back in the day) through Amish country, and were bailed out by Donald Trump. The Pope apologized to the Amish, getting the attention of J.J. Abrams who had no idea there was an A-List talking Bear. Red Death knocked the beguiling smirk off Natalie Dormer's face, causing HBO to write her her out of the show. Then she mercilessly beat the Bear with a rolling pin in one hand and an iron skillet in the other. Red Death, not Natalie Dormer. The Bear's agent negotiated the HBO contract to be followed up with a series called FLOSSED about a zoo animal dentist who becomes convinced one of the Bears is sentient. And a time-traveler. (Does that make sense? No. Does it matter? Apparently not.)

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  13. Spokesbear for Russia, duh! (which I of course had nothing to do with... :-) )

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    1. Thanks! There was Misha as mascot the olympics.

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  14. The Bear and Ann Barnhardt http://www.barnhardt.biz/ are forming an on-line partnership where news and views concerning the world at large and the Catholic Church in particular will analyzed via a matrix of Diabolic Narcissism and Cognitive Dissonance. This will, of course, be a serious effort to understand our times and to do their little part to bring order out of chaos or at least try to explain it or live with it or fight it or something. But since they are not particularly optimistic that their efforts will be successful they are also in working on Plan B for which information is not presently available. Updates made a more information becomes available.

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    1. The Bear suspects he and Ann might not be simpatico. She would constantly be yelling at him to get off the $#@*!! unicycle and get serious. The Bear would pedal just out her reach as she chased him, and nothing would get done.

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  15. This is a trick - I say it is not a grandbear, but twin cubs! My second guess would be that I could really support Trump if you were advising him in some capacity.

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    1. Another set of twins, huh? The Bear would be delighted. It would be an Abrahamic miracle at this point, however. Who knows?

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    2. sorry, I mean twin grandcubs!

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  16. You, Red Death and all your Cubs get to be on an episode of Family Feud?

    Seattle kim

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  17. Replies
    1. That one is in the rear-view mirror.

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  18. you're getting Megyn Kelly's slot when she's forced out next week?

    (I'm assuming we can make more than one guess....)

    You're going to be announced as Rush Limbaugh's co-host?
    You're going to announce that you are D.B. Cooper?
    Red Death is really Anastasia Romanov?

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    1. I hope Red Death doesn't think you believe her to be Anastasia. And, seriously, would she have a nickname "Red" anything?

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    2. yeeeeeaaaahhhh....OK, you got me there.

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