Saturday, July 30, 2016

Madmen Meets Fr. Rosica

Papal press flack Fr. Rosica crassly bragged that he had rebranded Catholicism and the Papacy. Here are some suggestions for further rebranding of the Church, drawn from Diet Pepsi slogans. The Bear finds these very inspiring. What slogan has Fr. Rosica come up with for his client, Pope Francis? How do you rebrand without a slogan?

  • 1964: "Now You Can Have Your Adultery and Eucharist, Too"
  • 1964-1966: "Come Alive, You're in the Francis Generation."
  • 1973-1974: "1-Calorie Dogma-Free Catholic Church is Here."
  • 1974-1976: "You can do it. No, Seriously, Whatever, Francis is Cool With It."
  • 1978-1980: "You're drinking Francis Kool Aid... and it Shows."
  • 1980-1983: "Now You See the Faith, Now You Don't."
  • 1984: "Catholicism. Improved by Pope Francis."
  • 1985–1986: "Francis Church. The Choice of a Lost Generation."
  • 1989–1991: "Pope Francis. The Right One."
  • 1989–1992: "The Catholic Church. The Taste That's No Better Than Diet Coke, Diet Rite, Diet Dr. Pepper, Diet Mountain Dew, Diet Sunkist, or Any Other Diet Soda"
  • 1991–1994: "You got the Right Pope Baby, UH HUH" (sung by Ray Charles for Diet Pepsi)

The Bear came up with some of his own.

  • "Not the Fathers' Church" (Oldsmobile)
  • "The New, No-Demands Church: I'm lovin' it" (McDonalds)
  • "Pope Francis: Think different" (Apple)
  • "Got Heresy?" (Milk)
  • "Nothing outlasts the Pope: he keeps talking and talking and talking..." (Energizer)
  • "So easy even a self-absorbed neopelagian can do it." (Geico)
  • "Francis: Taste the Rainbow." (Skittles)
  • "You got Islam in my Catholicism! You got Catholicism in my Islam! (Voiceover by Francis) Two great Abrahamic religions that taste great together." (Reeses Peanut Butter Cups)
  • "The Catholic Church: Have it your way." (Burger King)
  • "I'd Walk a Mile for a Microphone." (Camel cigarettes)
  • "Does She or Doesn't She? Whatever it is, it Doesn't Matter Anymore." (Clariol)
  • "You Give us 22 minutes, We'll Neuter Another Dogma" (WINS Radio)


  1. "Where's the Church?!" (Wendy's "Where's the beef?" campaign.)

    1. Old woman shaking her rosary at a Francis lookalike. "Where's the Church?"

  2. Man, you almost got 'em all.....'cept for this one....

    "Just Do It" (Nike....and I'm pretty sure satan too)

  3. No Rules, Just Wrong (Outback Steakhouse)

  4. Brilliant as usual, but oh how unfortunate that such humour is a reality today.


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