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You know the one.
That awful one that just happened.
It all went down like this.
One or more young Muslim males killed some people while shouting Allahu' Akbar.
The authorities pretended to be puzzled at this, as if such a thing had never before happened. Police went "searching for motives." Oscar-worthy performances of utter cluelessness were delivered in a great production the Bear calls, "The West Rolls Over and Shows Its Belly."
Every Social Justice Warrior from Archbishops on down to first year fine arts majors buffed their tolerance cred by making up excuses for the poor Jihad Joe, like he was "biopolar," or abused by a Catholic priest as a lad, or something equally implausible.
And everyone lectured us on how great Islam is, and what a beautiful people Muslims are, and how, by, golly, they're practically Catholics cuz OMG3greatabrahamicreligionssamegod, and how Islam is peaceful.
The word "backlash" was shrieked like an ululating Mahdist woman cutting choice parts from one of Kipling's Tommies in the Sudan.
The young Muslim male did it for any reason except Islam (delicious to those of us with a sensitive palate for irony).
Other people saw it in their Facebook feed, or on the news, and were upset until shortly before bedtime. The next day there was some other damned thing and they forgot. They're all named Mohammed, anyway, so there's no way to even keep score. Neil Postman's wonderful Amusing Ourselves to Death's low information-action ratio is the iron law of our media age.
Or, to put it another way, everybody talks about the weather, but nobody ever does anything about it. Terrorism has become a part of the cultural weather, and is treated just the same.
What Do Terrorists Do When They Cease to Terrify?
Loud noises and cries of "Allahu' Akbar" provide the soundtrack to the 21st century. Or, rather, elevator music, since it is such a tedious sameness it is just fading into the background. Terrorist attacks are like plane crashes, or lightning strikes, or, for that matter Bear attacks. Sure, they happen, but actuarially, I'm safe enough. Only the really, really, unlucky get killed by a terrorist.
It's true. No one reading this will ever be killed by a terrorist, or lose someone close to a terrorist, the Bear is certain.
The terrorists have already lost. They don't terrify anymore. Frankly, if an old show-Bear might turn critic, their act is stale. The West is more embarrassed on Islam's behalf than frightened by it. That's why all the cultural spokesman are so hilariously condescending to Muslims.
Archbishop Cupich is like a good mommy telling little Johnny it's not polite to stare at the tattered greybeard pushing a shopping cart full of his stuff down the sidewalk while shouting verses from Isaiah.
But let's completely forget Muslims and talk about something much more interesting. Bears.
A Bear Killed 21 People in Peoria Roaring "Bear Rights"
If the Bear should go on a rampage through Peoria, Illinois, and take out twenty or thirty people roaring BEAR RIGHTS, nobody better start making some lame-ass excuse for his attack. The Bear, is after all, no matter how cute and cuddly he may seem, an alpha predator God designed for killing everything. Not that he currently has any plans, but a Bear is a Bear, and everyone knows what Bears occasionally do.
Seriously. Hang around enough Bears and one day you will run into the wrong one. Or the right one on a bad day. Greenpeacers can coo about the Poor Polar Bears not having any ice to live on, but if they actually met a polar Bear (who are very stupid and overrated animals, or else they would not live on ice) they would see adorbs; the polar Bear would see a seal.
If the Bear roars BEAR RIGHTS when he's killing people, that's what it's all about. And he will personally hunt you down and rip your jawbone off, Sunshine, if you ruin his big political statement by making it about something else. This is not hard. If you're going out in blaze of glorious murder, you don't, at the last second say: "wait, this should be significant... I should probably yell something, like, oh, I dunno... ZEPPELIN RULES!"
The West Suffers From Timothy Treadwell Syndrome
You may have heard of Timothy Treadwell. He thought he had Bears all figured out. That they accepted him. And, for a while, it looked like he might be right. His girlfriend, who was a smart woman, was afraid of Bears, yet nonetheless Treadwell dragged her to Alaska to play with his Bear friends. One Bear was wandering down the Bear path in Bearland and came to the Big Crossroads. Right there, at X marks the spot, humans had pitched their tent, so, you know, they could encounter Bears. The Bear killed Treadwell and his girlfriend.
The Bear does not feel obligated to blabber on about how Bears are animals of peace, or warn about a Bear "backlash." Treadwell was an idiot, and the Bear did what Bears do. Not all Bears, obviously. But here is an important point:
Not every Bear will kill you, but if you are around Bears,
you are in danger of being killed by a Bear.
The more Bears you are around, the greater chances of being killed by a Bear. (There is actually a mathematical proof Bears worked out long ago, but it is complex, and Bear math involves stones and acorns.)
Some people have said it is only Bears with a particular kind of Bear Rabies who kill. Not ordinary peaceful adorbs Bears. There may be some truth to this. For instance, the Bear would probably never kill anyone, anymore, even on a very bad day. We already established not every Bear will kill you. But here's another important truth.
Even if only Bears with Bear Rabies kill people,
only Bears can and do get Bear Rabies and kill people.
A smart person does not invite a Bear to live with his family just to prove how brave he is, or how tolerant of other species he is, or even because they are useful as entertainment. He doesn't keep packing his ursine guests into every room, ignoring the snarls from some of them. Eventually, he and his family will wind up as gnawed-on remains shallowly buried in the compost pile out back.
And people will say the same thing they say about Timothy Treadwell.
So, as a professional Bear, the Bear advises you that if you have stuffed your home with mostly peaceful-looking Bears, you are an idiot, and your children should be taken away by the state. Not only are Bears freeloaders, but they, and only they, are subject to Bear Rabies. One of your guests might come come down with Bear Rabies and start taping BEAR RIGHTS posters up all over the place (one of the first symptoms). And since we already know you are an idiot, you will politely look the other way.
And when you don't show up for work, the gnawed-on remains of you and your family will be found shallowly buried in the compost pile out back.
And the funny thing will be, nobody will care about you. The Bear, on the other hand, will be subjected to endless and condescending excuse-making. Archbishop Cupich will say he was a "mentally unstable" Bear, and Pope Francis will apologize for Pope Emeritus Benedict or some other German murdering Bruno in 2006. President Obama will say guns should be banned, because Bears hate guns and become enraged.
Even if they attribute the attack to Bear Rabies, they will explain that the Bear couldn't help it. It's a virus, in the air, in the water. Any poor old Bear can get it. Most Bears are peaceful. Now. Don't you feel so much better knowing that any Bear, and only Bears, can unpredictably contract a disease that will turn it into a homicidal maniac?
What Would Bears Do? What are Humans Doing?
Bears are not all that territorial. But if an animal moved into their territory, and some of them kept talking about how they hated Bears and were going to kill all of them, the Bears would hold a council in the Big Clearing in those woodlands. And they would say, "This new animal is a danger. Individually, most of them are tolerable. But they and only they have elements who advertise wiping out Bears, and they and only they occasionally kill one, or a few of us. Brother Bears, what should we do?"
The Bear does not say. Bears have their own ways of dealing with things, and the less humans know about them the better. Bears will prosper after Islam takes over the world, and eventually humans degenerate back to the Paleolithic era when Bears were worshipped as gods.
After 1300 years, and still ticking, the Bear will probably live to see it. You won't, nor will you see anything very bad, as things go. Perhaps not even your children or grandchildren. So don't worry.
The Bear loves you crazy humans, but if you don't care about your territory, don't breed, don't value Human Lore from ages past, there's not going to be much left to mourn when your civilization dies, and the sight of a beautiful woman in public is the stuff of legends, and the only book in print is the Quran.
Frankly, the West doesn't deserve to win. Islam is the only society that gives damn about their beliefs. The Bear predicts the West forfeits. It just never showed up for the game. And the Bear shall yell Allahu' Akbar while riding his unicycle and Muslims will love him and throw him salmon and the world will burn with a bright insanity you cannot imagine.