Monday, August 22, 2016

We Don't Believe in that Crap Anymore

Readings Today

We're right behind you.
Sunday's reading is from Isaiah, 66:18-21. Here, Isaiah speaks of a dispersion of God's chosen to all nations, especially ones that have never heard of  God. Once they have fulfilled God's missionary designs, the faithful of the diaspora will be gathered to Jerusalem. It may be read as a type of the Church, as well.

And the Gospel is Luke 13:21-30.  Jesus is asked if many will be saved, and he challenges them with the narrow gate. The Gospel is pretty serious today. That narrow gate is a perfect image of salvation. Of the Church. Many aren't going to make it through. These people go to Hell.

So naturally, the homily was about American immigration policy, and not voting for "billionaire politicians who want to keep immigrants out."

Now, call the Bear crazy, but he doubts anyone ever went to Hell because of their opinion on immigration, or global warming, or fracking, or any of the garbage you see in those inane,  non-Catholic Pope Videos. 

But in the Bear's church, the homily was about immigration and not voting for Trump. But the Bear has everything finally figured out. Nearly any time a Catholic priest or prelate opens his yap, the Bear hears the same old song and dance. (As a former dancing Bear, the Bear has a sharp ear for familiar tunes. He heard the Bolsheviks singing it, too, when he was touring the hinterlands of Russia on a propaganda train.)

The Bear's Dream

[Dream transition effects from TV]

The Bear padded up to the priest on all fours (so as not to be too intimidating). The conversation went like this:

Bear: "Father, you missed a great opportunity to impress upon people that their salvation is pretty dicey and Hell is real. Your homily sucked. And am going to vote for Trump just because his election will make you and all your ancient V2 generation buddies have a stroke. Good riddance."

Father: " Salvation? Hell? Nobody believes in that crap anymore. I'm talking about real problems, here, on our planet."

Two other Priests: "Look at that Bear, Kitten. Kind of cute, but doesn't have a clue." "Oh, you're so right, my Dove. He is quite the bear, though. I think I'm falling in love."

Pope Francis: "Fracking is the most important issue the Church must address. The Bear's been telling these Medieval fairy tales for years. Why do you think we had our Turkish brothers and sisters Bearnap him? And we would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for those darned Russian spetznas commandos. Whoops, I shouldn't have said that. My mouth has a mind of its own, you know. Nobody believes in that crap anymore."

[Dream transition effects from TV again]

A Repurposed, Non-Supernatural Church

Look, humans. Nobody in your Church believes in that crap anymore. Understand that. Only an institution that had ceased to take seriously the smallest teaching involving the supernatural would be constantly talking about worldly problems instead of getting souls into Heaven.

Nobody believes in that crap anymore. Souls. Heaven. Last Things.

So, the question is, if you're running the Catholic Church, and you don't believe in that crap anymore, how do you remain relevant? They have to say something in the homily, after all. Hell? Medieval superstition. Heaven? "Pie in the Sky When you Die." Miracles? Puh-lease. We don't believe in that crap anymore. So the Church has been repurposed. Reinvented. "Rebranded," in the words of former Vatican spokeswolf Fr. Rosica. No more fairy tales. Fracking. Immigration. Global warming.

The Church has  become a model UN for elderly gentlemen to play at fixing real or imaginary worldly problems because they don't believe in that crap anymore.

Of course priests and prelates don't want to believe in Hell. It's because they know they would be going there if it existed. They are wolves in sheep's clothing. Even after nailing his paw to the floor in front of his favorite pew, it sometimes still takes three tranq just darts to get through a homily.

Nobody believes in that crap anymore.

That will be the epitaph on the gravestone of the Church of Rome as we know it today.


  1. Right on Bear. The Church's new worldly relevance is totally irrelevant to the relevance of God. Basically, the Church has become a left wing political organization which is a bunch of crap.

    We must pray for the Church that this nonsense ends soon.

  2. It is interesting that the very conclusion of Isaiah has been left out of the readings:


    As the new heavens and the new earth which I will make Shall endure before me, says the LORD, so shall your race and your name endure.


    From one new moon to another, and from one sabbath to another, All mankind shall come to worship before me, says the LORD.


    4 They shall go out and see the corpses of the men who rebelled against me; Their worm shall not die, nor their fire be extinguished; and they shall be abhorrent to all mankind.

  3. Fulton Sheen's Wartime Prayer Book is in my pocket. I had a similar nonhomily yesterday as you had...visiting my daughter in Ohio....blehe

    1. Are you kidding me!? Fulton Sheen's Wartime Prayer Book? And available on Kindle?


      Spent the afternoon with my FSSP Priest today. He said, just spend 20 minutes with Archbishop Sheen a day, and you will be well on you way to heaven.

      Thank you, Nancy v! That prayer book is now on my Kindle. May it reap much fruit.

    2. I know, isn't it a gem?! ArchBsp Sheen also recommended that one hour of Adoration (for priests) and at least 1 hour/week for layfolk.

      SCB, I gratefully received this post to make up for this past Sunday's nonhomily. Would that the masses in the pews hear this.

  4. Here Bear, cheer up!

    You take Red Death next year to celebrate the success of Judging Angels.

    1. I was afraid that would be a near occasion of sin. It wasn't.

  5. Bear, Your priest needs a good kick in the posterior. Tell him to get in line, the long, long line.

  6. If a Bear growling and leaving in the middle of his homily doesn't work, the Bear does not know what will.

    1. How about trying this during confession:
      "Father, I dwell on angry and violent thoughts about ripping my priest's jaw off during his inane sermons."

    2. Yeah, I kinda went there once. It's been awkward ever since.

    3. This comment has been removed by the author.

    4. utubeo
      "Not to rub it in, but we had a great sermon last Sunday, but boy did it jam up the confession lines."

      This is what is supposed to happen and what we look forward to and, unfortunately, is what is absent for most of us. Giving us help to get to heaven is what is missing. By the way utubeo, was this a FSSP parish or what?

    5. Not all that glitters is FSSP.

  7. At least we didn't have to listen to a woman in a pant-suit with one hand in her pocket explain why her same-sex marriage was probably more valid than yours. I used to be unsure about I've seen it! Run for your lives!

  8. If by "that crap" you mean mamby-pamby universalism, global warming, same-sex marriage, Marxist economics, pandering to pro-death politicians, and making excuses for adulterous relationships...I'm in!

  9. "We don't believe in that "crap" anymore"....reminds me of a priest some years ago when we stupid little lay people were organizing a Divine Mercy Sunday. "Oh, Father, would you be able to help us with a holy hour on Divine Mercy know the teaching that came from Saint Faustina?" "I used to have to put up with that cra...garbage but I don't anymore."

    Yeah, we little church ladies with nothing better to do actually DO believer in heaven, hell, etc. And we accept all those things that Our Lord and His Holy Church has taught over 2000 years. We believe and we pray and we are holding back the evil as best as we can in spite of poor crappy shepherds.

    1. Oh my. That makes me feel nauseous. I hope you prayed for that Priest.

  10. The priest basically said ""that the last shall be first and the first shall be last just indicated that some folks will get to heaven sooner than the others. The whole narrow gate thing is related to be "isolated" from helping and serving others.""

    Sin, meh. Not so much bubbalah...

  11. Bravo, Bear.
    It seems simple enough doesn't it?

  12. Bear I cannot tell if this is a fictional account of what the priest said. Is it? Squirrels are very literal and tend to believe exactly what is written.

    These men are rendering the Church irrelevant and out of touch. I do believe we are going to see fewer and fewer attendees at Mass, in fact, we are already seeing it at multiple churches in our area. This will continue due to the current regime. It's the Protestant effect.
    I can't and won't sit through such Homily Horrors. I also won't financially support the destroyers. Our Extraordinary Form Mass that we have enjoyed for the last eight months has been yanked as of next week. I have no idea what we will be doing.
    I have a relative trying to get over an addiction to prescription painkillers. I had her attention the other day when trying to encourage her to put God first and life will not be so confusing, but I realized, I have no church to send her to.

    1. Yes. (But not the dream sequence.) He said we "should not vote for millionaires who want to keep immigrants out." Fortunately he was a visiting priest. Poor old V2 relic. Now keep in mind that the twins are back from Korea and Afghanistan. They were upset, too.

  13. Wait, what? Whither the happy Bear? Or am I just hallucinating again?


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