Saturday, October 15, 2016

You Knew it was Coming (Sponsored by "Venom")

Sponsored by Venom: a New Scent by Francis

Venom: "Smell like the sheep..."
There comes a moment in the life of every television show, and, apparently, ephemeris, where it jumps the shark. This is not a proud moment, but let's get it over with shall we? It is time for a head-to-head comparison between Pope Francis and Ginger Rogers.

If the Bear may offer the slimmest of apologies, the only thing the he can think to write about in current events is likely to be faith-threatening, or at least a near occasion of sin. For instance, your Pope, Francis, departed from prepared remarks to go off on his favorite hobbyhorse of proselytizing. He called it "venom" to "Tru-Fayth by Francis (TM)," which is the pan-Christian belief system championed by Jorge Bergoglio, and to which all of you belong now.

Pope Francis: does not really dance
Ginger Rogers: danced backwards and in high heels
Winner is GINGER

Pope Francis: likes Martin Luther
Ginger Rogers: liked Mary Baker Eddy
Winner is GINGER because Mary Baker Eddy did not cause nearly as much trouble

Pope Francis: no evidence he ever slept with Howard Hughes
Ginger Rogers: slept with Howard Hughes
Winner is POPE FRANCIS (if you believe Ginger wins this one, just keep it to yourself, please)

Pope Francis: partnered with Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI in some match that gets weirder every time the Bear thinks about it
Ginger Rogers: partnered with Fred Astaire (who whined that "I suppose Ginger will have to be there, too," about his lifetime achievement award ceremony, much like Pope Francis treats Pope "Emeritus" Benedict)
Winner is: GINGER

Pope Francis: is a communist
Ginger Rogers: teamed up with her mom to drive communists out of Hollywood
Winner: GINGER

Pope Francis: did not win an Oscar
Ginger Rogers: won Best Actress for Kitty Foyle (1940)
Winner: GINGER

Pope Francis: never starred with Ronald Reagan, probably didn't like him
Ginger Rogers: starred with Ronald Reagan (1951 Storm Warning)
Winner: GINGER

Pope Francis: visceral hatred of guns
Ginger Rogers: crack shot
Winner: GINGER

Pope Francis: does not play tennis
Ginger Rogers: near-olympic level tennis player
Winner: GINGER

Pope Francis: Inspirational Quote: “Those closed in the formality of a prayer that is cold, stingy [who] might end up as Michal, in the sterility of her formality.”
Ginger Rogers: Inspirational Quote: "I believe in living each day as it comes, to the best of my ability. When it's done, I put it away, remembering that there will be a tomorrow to take it's place. If I have any philosophy, that's it. To me it's not a fatalistic attitude."
Winner: GINGER

Pope Francis: became pope
Ginger Rogers: did not become pope
Winner: GINGER

There you have it. Need the Bear point out that Ginger just clobbers Francis.

24 comments:

  1. You're lucky there are no sharks in the woodland.

    Not sure you would have made it over the pool.
    They're not just bigger salmon!

    If you've run out of topics, I'd be interested in your take on the judge's order in the St. Louis priest suing SNAP. I know you can't speak on the underlying case, but after SNAP repeatedly refused to cough up for a discovery, the judge really slapped the defense. What ramifications does that have down the road when a judge does that, and what would it mean for suits against SNAP in the future (and other jurisdictions)?

    Judge Sanctions Snap

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  2. I am no longer a lawyer so I can do anything I want. This is actually, literally true. Rob banks, walk around in red like a cardinal, fly a jetliner from New York to Dubai. You name it.

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  3. I'll bet she could take the evil old goat in a fist fight too....even in her current state.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fists? Yes, on his best day. But Ginger preferred the head kick.

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    2. Ginger is dead, you know, and I am uncertain that even her powers extend beyond the grave. I do not rule it out, however.

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    3. I mean powers except to captivate and intoxicate Bears.

      Delete
  4. Clearly a SLEAZY DEFENSE lawyer used unethical tactics to keep poor INNOCENT VICTIMS from seeking justice from certain priestly perpetrators of sexual misconduct against them by having causing the court by throwing out their pleadings on technicalities. Anyway, that's what it looks like to me.

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  5. No? Hmm... Upon closer look, it appears that SNAP was unwilling or unable to comply with certain legal requirements, so the court got tired of them and said a big fat "YOU LOSE."

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  6. And looks like it suspects unseemly financial ties between the law firm and SNAP.

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  7. In civil cases (with which the Bear was never involved, due largely to an absence of satisfying blood) the plaintiff does not HAVE to be involved. So the court can be pretty brutal. The priest said, "You're making this up," and the court said "You're not giving the priest the information he needs." It is a sanction to punish a noncomplying party, in this case SNAP. It would be very bad if the law firm were indeed shown to have donated money to SNAP, since that would give the law firm a financial interest in the outcome. Which is sort of weird, since the law firm already gets typically a third of anything recovered plus expenses. Anyway, it would be a conflict, to the best of the Bear's knowledge.

    The way the court has to discourage withholding evidence is to take it off the table, and this includes in criminal cases, too, with the exclusionary rule.

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  8. It was very charitable of the Bear to give the Pope one winning category.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I didn't want anyone to think the contest was rigged.

      Delete
  9. ok....

    pope francis; has the vatican, the curia, and the Throne
    dr. evil; has a moon base, 2 moon units, and a rotating chair
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aTpCheX46wI

    winner is....?

    (and I might add; it's really REALLY difficult to tell them apart...except that dr. evil is no doubt much less dangerous to the well-being of the world)

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    Replies
    1. Sorry, but I feel any comparison between the Holy Father and fictional characters might be disrespectful. Granted, it is not much of a stretch for Ginger, but, then again, no one would be. Here is the most hilarious casting ever. Ginger Roger learns sister Doris Day's hubby is a KKK assassin. With Ronald Reagan. Granted, I've never seen it.

      Delete
    2. perhaps you're right....I'll amend my comparison to this one....

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ccSp0XnAGFU

      better?

      Delete
  10. The Pope does have one advantage, though: he has the keys to the saint-making machine in the Vatican. Do you think he could be persuaded to make Ginger a saint?

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    Replies
    1. Ginger was married for 30 years. Of course it took her five husbands. And then there were the unsanctioned relations that even a Gingerphile cannot overlook. But she was a hard worker, brought joy to millions and was devoted to her mother. Sadly, she was not Catholic. But do you think that would do?

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  11. That reminds me of a line from '42nd Street' that I've never quite gotten. It's during the "June" song rehearsal, where Ginger and Una Merkel are gabbing away while walking through their paces and the rest of the chorus is singing. They're talking about some other girl, and Ginger says, "She's so good to her mother! Do you know, she makes $45 a week and gives her mother a hundred of it!" Is this a hint that "she" has some OTHER source of income that's, so to say, off the books? I wondered if she meant "100% of it", but the line sounds more like a punchline, so I'm thinking it must be a slightly off-colour joke.

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  12. No, I caught the very same line and it is definitely "$100 of it." I didn't know what to make of it, but given all the pre-Code jokes in 42nd Street, I have no doubt that you're right. Just watched Gold Diggers of 1933 where the adult material is more visual. And it opens with Ginger singing "We're in the Money" clad in some bizarre steam punk / GENCON cosplay armor. And then she does it in pig Latin! There is nothing Ginger can't do! Then she's hardly seen the rest of the film. Much of the same cast as 42nd Street. And a surprisingly affective acknowledgment of the very depression audiences went to the movies to escape.

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    Replies
    1. In fact, now that I think about that, I may have gotten some bad salmon. That can't be right.

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  13. Bear, you do the best Pope-a-dope.

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  14. The Pope doesn't care about winning or losing, just doing things the "right way", the Francis way.

    The Pope would be disappointed with Gingers wanting to have a gun, let alone shooting one, because guns kill. He would not he pleased with her being against communism. He would be fine with her not being Catholic.

    He'd likely be sad that she never had the chance to be inspired by his vision of mercy and world peace.

    He has it all figured out. He's going to bring peace on earth and good will to men by letting everyone know that only we can save the world is through accompaniment, and focusing on things we can all agree on. The other stuff is just solemn nonsense. Unity through earthly things, the Francis way.

    If only Ginger focused on refugees, knew about climate change, understood the value of worldly minded governmental thought control. Still, she didn't know any better. He might make her a "saint" for not giving up on finding the right guy.

    Talking about God and the Truth that He has given to the Catholic Church is fundamentalist venom, and proof that one doesn't believe in the ways of the Francis

    Francis doesn't care about winning or losing. because he's got it all figured out. Billions of people who need him. He is very important. He just gets disappointed when we all don't get along with the program, by joyfully accepting his vision, and embracing this fragile world that we live in, and owe everything to. We're all going to die after all, and we need to see things his way in order to have lives of significance. It's too late to be important when we die.

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    Replies
    1. I would pay money to see a Pope and Ginger meeting. Maybe she would tango the old fellow into retirement.

      Delete

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