Friday, December 2, 2016

Bear's Ephemeris Turns 4 Today

Today, St. Corbinian's Bear ephemeris turns four years old. What an excellent reason to leave a comment, or some nourishing salmon as he tries to bring his Hindenburg of a novel to a safe landing, despite gusty winds of excessive creativity. ("Harder to land than the Isle de France" - who will get that one?) Just days away, now. Then, he will once more be prowling the woodlands, providing what passes for wisdom and entertainment on these dubious pages.

The archives only go back to February 2014. The Bear went mad and burned the woodlands down while working on his Masters in Theology. But today is still the birthday.

What an interesting time to have an ephemeris. You can read The Bear Who Woke Up - the first piece after the Great Fire - here, if you want. It has all the elements you've come expect, except for third-person writing. The Bear has continued to diligently maintain this flea-bitten circus ever since. The little eclectic Catholic blog written by a Bear is closing on one million views.

Judging Angels is on short final (three metaphors now). Crosswind right at spec limits, gusty and variable. We were heavy, so had to burn off some fuel. Have tried to land several times, but had to declare missed approach at the last second every time. And made up a new excuse for the passengers every time. ("Badgers on the runway;" "Maintenance repainting the centerline," etc.)  Completely lost sight of the airport at one point. But Captain Bear knows his passengers expect a silky smooth kiss of rubber on runway that will make them break into spontaneous applause.

He will deliver nothing less, and you know it.

This is the one. Here is the landing. Crab right, coming in at an impossible-looking 30-degree angle, but inerrantly, straight in. Last-second rudder kick to point the nose of the beast at the centerline, perfect flare, and sweet touchdown right on the numbers just to show off. Handoff to Ground, which is so impressed, all other traffic is stopped while we taxi to the gate. There, fire trucks are spraying an arch of glistening rainbows for us to pass through, while within, TSA employees are linked in a line, high-kicking, while singing "Happy Birthday."

Style is important to Bears.

Bear Air from the ursine imagination of the country's next , well, only, greatest Bear novelist, arriving at Gate 22. A Catholic psychological novel (totally NOT urban fantasy) that will confound every expectation, and subvert all your most beloved tropes. The Bear will playfully slap you around a bit, and you will suffer from repeated psychological whiplash, but it's exhilarating to safely play with the magnificent ursus arctos. Just don't get too invested in anything you read, because it's probably not what you think.

6 comments:

  1. Well happy birthday to us - I turn 57 today and I must say I've known about the Bear for the past 3 and have they have been the best 3 years of my life....(along with some other major important lessons from Almighty God :)
    Awaiting patiently for "Judging Angels"!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Happy Bearish Birthday Greetings! Here's a quick lap around the small ring on the unicycle juggling copies of Amorous Laetitia while singing "We're in the Money" in pig Latin. Remember, 57 is the new 27!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you...you can juggle copies of A L and if you drop them, that's ok, (though I am sure you are an expert juggler) and it would be all be part of the act.

      Delete
  3. Happy birthday, ephemeris! And safe landings, Bear

    ReplyDelete
  4. Stolat Bear! I am pretty impressed with all the hats you've worn, quite a few, and now you can add "author" to them. No matter what ever happens, it can't be said you rested on your laurels.

    ReplyDelete

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