Monday, December 19, 2016

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas - Jihad Edition

The Bear helps you get into the holiday spirit with these new lyrics to a beloved classic.

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Everywhere you go
Take a look in the five and ten,
At all the knife-waving men
With suicide vests all armed and ready to blow.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas,
Attacks in every store.
But the scariest sight you'll see,
Are mujahedeen who will be
At your own front door.

A turban and beard and a pistol that shoots
Is the wish of little Ah'-med.
To raise up a son who will kill with a gun
Is the hope of his mother (she said).
Policemen will say once it is done
They don't have a motive - he's dead.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas,
Everywhere you go,
Allahu akbar is how you say
Merry Christmas the ISIS way,
And the signal to keep your head down low.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas,
Soon, the sirens start.
But there isn't really a clash,
Above all no backlash,
Just the fear that's in your heart.


  1. wait, I'm this the newest snippet from JA??

  2. No. This is from the ending of the penultimate chapter, "Crow for Two." "He was a zombie who had just bought a one-way ticket to Hell, to spend eternity with his demon girlfriend, but it was true: he was not afraid." How can you write that with a straight face, you ask. I'm not sure, but it probably has something to do with medication. Very different from what the beta readers got. Lighter, less lyrical, more fun, but most of all it's Catholic in its DNA now, rather than bolted on.

    1. SO glad to hear that last bit.

      And hats!....I hope you didn't get rid of the outrageous Sunday hats in the big Lincoln....a laugh out loud moment for me :)

    2. No, the hats remained, although Mrs. Goodman was demoted from Magical Negro to well-meaning old lady.

    3. ahhhhhh, yes...very good. Now you won't be sued by the author of the Matrix....or by obama, who, according to the NYT, owns claim to that title.

    4. I also dropped 30,000 words, which could probably pass for a novel!

    5. oh dear....I hope they weren't any of the ones I liked.

    6. I guarantee it. Lots. I know. It killed me to take an axe to my baby. But it's a real story now. A lot more fun. It was a good trade off.

  3. two old sheikhs compare their family albums....

    first sheikh....this was our youngest, he blew himself up with 20 Shia pilgrims in Najaf.

    second sheikh...S--t that aint nothing! my youngest blew himself up on Easter morning at the biggest Christian Kanisa in Baghdad!

    first sheikh.....sighs-resigned that he had been outdone-yeah, they blow up so soon....


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