Tuesday, January 31, 2017

And so, it begins.

NOTE: If you wish to correspond with the Bear, you must send a real email to st.corbinians.bear@gmail.com . What Bear gets from Blogger does not have your email for a reply. In other words, I get only your Blogger profile, without an email to which I can respond. So... if there's something you want me to take action on or respond to in any way, you have to use your email client to send me a real email.

And so begins the only part of writing that is not fun. Not visit to great aunt Mamie's not fun, but throwing up wasps while having jumper cables clamped to whatever is clampable not fun.

The edit. You know, where another person takes your blood, sweat and tears and gargles them while looking for a reaction. When even the mightiest Bear must submit to someone else fooling around with his manuscript. "Here. Bear knows it sucks. He'll just go sit in the corner and sob loudly. Don't mind poor old Bear."

It happens to every writer. It is for the best.

It doesn't mean a Bear has to like it. But it also means the Bear can say it really is coming soon. The Bear is not so deluded as to think his first novel cannot benefit from editing. And at this point he doesn't care much if a coloring book ("Buy extra red crayons, kids!") is slipped between the covers.

(Beta readers, you are still important! Please?)

Saturday, January 28, 2017

Short Bonus Chant: Russian Orthodox Epistle

Bonus Track! Article below is full Lauds by Bear. This is for fun. Russian Orthodox method of reading the epistle (although a poor imitation of the better examples of the "from the grave" style. It can be spine-tingling.)

Lauds With the Bear

Here is the entirety of Lauds, as sung by the Bear, using the St. Meinrad "Liturgy of the Hours for Benedictine Oblates." It is obviously not offered as an experience of sublime chant. It is offered to show how anyone can chant the Hours, or Opus Dei, as St. Benedict called it.

This is a week behind due to production.

It starts with a brief prayer for assistance, then has an invitatory as a kind of "warm up." (Monks were supposed to make sure they arrived no later than the end of the invitatory.) Then there are psalms chanted to different tones. There are six tones, each one having the normal four lines, then versions for each having six (and five) lines. It just takes practice to learn the tones so they are second nature. The only music the psalms will have is the tone number. You are expected to know the tone, and be able to sing it to the words of the psalm.

The two psalms in this example use 7 and 6, and the Canticle of Zachary is 3. These happen to be some less commonly seen tones. The Lord's Prayer is always the same beautiful  tune. By the way, the monks sing the same way, which is cool when we visit.

iChant is an excellent little app to help you learn the tones. (And there are many different ones. The more familiar black "Christian Prayer" has a few, but is quite a bit more complicated. The book the Bear uses is a four-week psalter without special observances.)

The Bear may be biased, but the St. Meinrad psalter is easy, lovely, and complete. It is designed for amateurs, i.e. oblates.

All psalms end with the Glory Be.

There are two or three psalms. Then there is a reading, and responsorial verses. Then there is an antiphon for the Canticle, then the Canticle. There is the Lord's Prayer, the collect, and the ending prayer.

There is also Midday, Vespers, and Compline, which ends with a beautiful Salve Regina in Latin.

The Bear cannot recommend chanting highly enough. There is something indefinable about the Opus Dei, as Father Benedict knew well. He regarded it as most important, and an aversion to it was an infallible sign of demonic oppression.

Again, not offered for entertainment. Bears aren't much for singing. Call it edification.

Friday, January 27, 2017

Bear Doesn't Know for Sure, but...

He suspects there are those who wish Francis would have advanced their agenda without fanfare and fireworks. The Bear thinks this pontificate has been a mess, and not what was intended. Now Catholics are polarized and the superultramontanism position has been discredited. However, the Bear is realistic, and understands things look different from the trenches, than from the liberal-trickling-down-to-the-average-Catholic mind-set. It would probably be wise to note that we are in the tiny minority, and even that doesn't agree on much. Francis drives a few of us crazy, but at this point, we are probably more useful in ways that do not depend on numbers.

Tuesday, January 24, 2017


"If you had been of the world, the world would love its own."

Worldling. Traitor. Quisling. Enemy.

Fan Mail From Some Flounder?

A faithful reader has asked the Bear's opinion on a piece by a popular, if angry-sounding, ephemerist, regarding Pope Francis. While the Bear has never considered consulting a human's opinion (finding woodland creatures to be far more sensible) he granted the reader's request in his benevolence.

The Answer in 32 Points

The piece explains why Pope Francis is not the Pope, and why Pope Benedict still is, and, moreover, the worst Pope in history. In summary, we have to wait for the real Pope (Benedict) to die, then elect his successor, which would completely bypass Francis.

It consists of 32 points, and readers are invited to spread it far and wide.

Now, the Bear has on his own pondered the implications of Benedict's sort-of resignation, and has opined (to much criticism; well-deserved for all he knows) that it is not crazy to wonder if his resignation was legitimate. The Bear believes it is odd enough to raise questions.

The Evil Pact that Elevated Benedict, and Forced Him to Sort of Resign

The world loves its own.
However, the author of the piece in question states it as a fact, and attributes it to an evil pact between homosexuals in the Church and Benedict. He could be pope for a few years, but would have to resign, or face repercussions - possibly blackmail involving something to do with homosexuals. So Pope Benedict resigned for "fear of the wolves," but didn't.

This doesn't sound like a very well-thought out evil pact to the Bear.

The Bear supposes that is possible, but would need a whole lot of convincing evidence to accept it as a fact. Obviously, the author believes her evidence is irrefutable. Anyway, the answer is Benedict is still Pope, because he resigned in accordance with some evil pact, so Francis was never elected, and is not pope.

The Bear Calmly and Reasonably States His Position

The world loves its own.
This is what the Bear thinks.

These are very strange and troubling times. The man currently occupying the Vatican causes any thinking, faithful Catholic to suffer, and is doing real damage. The Bear has no qualms whatsoever in saying no pontificate, no period, has been more destructive and dangerous to the Faith. This pontificate is the perfect storm, and the windswept house is -  impossibly - blowing away before our eyes.

Hardly a day goes by without Francis attempting to destroy the Faith. The Bear is not going to extend this article with examples. You know as well as he does. He has surrounded himself with apostles of evil. He does not like the Catholic Church, or Catholics, the real ones, anyway, whom he constantly abuses. He loves Lutherans. Muslims. Evangelicals. After all, the Pope hardly gets press for palling around with Catholics!

Francis has sewn his false white garment to the coat tails of the Lord of the World, and is loved by the World. We all know what Jesus said about that. "Hey, climate change? I'm on it. Oh, yeah, I can feel the love!" Mr. Humble loves the world, and loves attention, and pushes his face into media to (1) gratify his massive ego, and (2) advance his infernal objectives.

"If you had been of the world, the world would love its own: but because you are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you." John 15:19.

Whatever Gets You Through the Night

The world loves its own.
Where honest Catholics go from there is not for the Bear to judge. In some ways, we are like hikers lost in a dark wood, infested by vicious Bears. We can holler back and forth, but we are each on our own. The Bear would counsel, worry about the Bears. Don't argue whether they are legitimately in these woods, or whether you should throw stones or kneel before them. (Believe the Bear, it doesn't matter.)

Some say we are getting our just desserts from God. (Not the Bear.) Others solve the problem by simply crossing Francis out - he's not the Pope. (The Bear has never said that, nor does he maintain he is, either.) If someone thinks an evil pact with homosexuals elevated Benedict, then caused him to resign, but not, then who is the Bear to dispute that?

The Bear does not tell you whether Bergoglio is pope or not. He lacks the facts, and he is not an expert in these matters. Legal specialties are seldom as simple as non-specialists imagine.

Whatever He Is, the Evil Rat-Bastard Has Declared War On Catholicism

The world loves its own.

Sorry, but these are not normal times. Things that would normally be unthinkable must be considered. The Pope is the symbolic focus of Catholicism. It is no small thing to attack the Pope. But he leaves us no choice.

What the Bear says is that we have an arsonist in the Vatican. He should be resisted with every tool at our disposal. If the Bear can write something, that causes people to lose respect for Bergoglio, then the Bear is doing the Lord's work. We do not want people to respect Bergoglio! We want to expose him for the danger he is! That is why the Bear does not take a "respectful tone." Mockery, satire, invective, criticism, agitprop, it's all good to a Bear.

We all have our own opinions on various things, but we all agree that Bergoglio is the enemy of the Faith, be he Pope or pretender. The Bear is happy to let smarter ephemerists than he argue about the man's status. The Bear does not need to resolve that question to know what to do.

The world loves its own.
Bergoglio is the enemy! This is what the ursine 450 gram brain knows. It doesn't have room for endless arguments about footnotes, and conspiracies, and legal niceties. A traitor. A quisling. A man who shakes hands with demons from Hell. In short: dinner.

Our blogging is probably doing more to undermine this idiot than you imagine. He does seem obsessed with his enemies, and stone-throwers. Oh, Hell yes. Give the Bear a big stone and he will pound Bergoglio in the head with it. (Bears being not very accurate throwers, but can run very fast.)

We know what Catholicism is. Let's not get lost in the weeds about conspiracy theories. Pick up stones. Don't hide them! Throw them while laughing maniacally. One after another until we win, and Bergoglio is buried under a pile of stones as big as Mt. Etna. When they are more afraid of us than eager to tear down the Church, we win. There may even come a time for propagande par le fait. What has to happen before you fight? What dogmas have to be discarded in the name of "mercy?" What percentage of the Church are you willing to see destroyed? How many souls are you happy to see damned?

It's the oldest decision in the world: fight or flight. Can you eat me, or can I eat you? The Bear says, "I can eat you, evil rat-bastard," and the Bear will fight, and it isn't going to be pretty, but it will be true.

Judging Angels Moving Forward

Could be the tag line for Judging Angels.

Ah, the Bear is rubbing his paws together with glee in anticipation of his blessed BETA READERS offering their sage feedback. The role of a few folks who are willing to donate their time and talent as "guinea pigs" for a literary endeavor cannot be overstated.

The author is in that world, and knows a lot about it. It makes it hard for him to view it as the reader will.

Remember, you are the volunteers. Work as you wish, and the Bear hopes you enjoy it. It is probably better to not wait until the end, though. And we probably need to wrap up by the end of February at the very latest. If you have sent input and not received a response from the Bear, please let him know so he can track down the problem.

If, for whatever reason, you decide you can't do this, no problem. Your're the volunteers and your time is entirely yours. Not everyone likes every genre. But the Bear does request that you let him know. If you had started reading, then decided not to go forward, it would be great to know where you stopped and why.

If you have been unable to access the manuscript, we can fix that, but you have to let the Bear know.

Thank you again, most sincerely.

Your pal,
The Bear

Sunday, January 22, 2017

Pope Francis Saturation Strategy to Confound Catholics

[UPDATE] Did Francis really deny he was an uncomfortable Pope by saying (in his latest rambling interview) "No. No, I believe for my sins I should be even more misunderstood"? So, isn't that really saying, "No. No, I believe for my sins even more people should fail to acknowledge how great I really am." The mind boggles.

Saturation is an effective means for less able leaders to suppress opposition to their policies. If you are constantly feeding the ever-obliging news media with dopey sound bytes, you prevent anyone from effectively understanding or responding to your agenda.

The Bear sincerely believes this has been a strategy of Pope Francis, one that he has recently kicked into overdrive. This is why the Bear developed the Tar Baby Warning System. It says, "The medium is the message, not the message. Note it, and do something more productive with your time."

An astonishing amount of dope gets slung from the Vatican every day. If you try to keep up with it, and get sucked into a quagmire like Amorous Laetitia, the "TILT" light will go on in your head, and you will be left bewildered and hopeless.

You still think it all just happens to happen? Well, the Bear doesn't. When it comes to sound bytes and press releases from the Vatican, its name is Legion. (In more ways than one.) "But, you HAVE to take everything seriously, because I'm the Pope!"

No, actually, the Bear does not, which is where he parts company with his Facebook critics. You may or may not be the Pope. The Bear does not know. What he does know is the difference between the truth and a lie.

He knows God cannot deceive nor be deceived. He knows the Church cannot err. As for Francis, the Bear long ago concluded he was untrustworthy. (Do you think he would treat him like he does if he had any doubt about that?) Francis is the part that does not fit. Get it?

He's turned into the Lindsay Lohan of the Catholic blogosphere. Everybody feels they have to write about everything he says and does because.... well, because. He's another celebrity. There are times the Bear wishes he could write one last article, saying, "You know what we've got here, so what is the point in taking his latest interview (in which he says Jesus was the incarnation of Krishna) seriously?" [For illustration only.]

It's okay. We have a Church. We have a Bible. We have a few brave and true clerics. (Oh, and we have Francis.) We have more good stuff by real Catholics than you could read if you lived to be as old as the Bear. We don't need to know everything - in the Bear's opinion - in order to be good Catholics. How can Francis wear the white outfit and live somewhere in the Vatican, and yet not have the least respect for real Catholicism?

The Bear does not know. But the Bear does not know most things. He can smell a swindler fifty miles away, though, and that's enough for him. But he can do a whole lot knowing very little. And the most important thing to know is that Francis cannot eat the Church. We all know the truth. So let's do it, and don't pay so much attention to Jorge.

Saturday, January 21, 2017

One Day of Real Violence vs. Eight Years of Imaginary Tea Party Violence

When the animals break loose and run through the town being chased by the clowns, it's a bad day to be circus folk.

You may quote the Bear. When the circus melts down, the smarter folk stand on the sidelines, blending in (easier for some than others) saying, "By Jove, this is a bit rum, don't you think?"

Obama could not turn us into Europe in eight years. Trump has done it on day one. We have our very own political riots and carbecues. The Bear should refine that statement to this:

Trump's inauguration has brought out the freak show we always knew made up a substantial portion of the Left. One that seems strangely untroubling to their fellow travelers.


If any Never-Trumper should wander into the Woodlands, they will no doubt be incensed to be linked to rioters. The Bear will kindly save them the trouble of commenting.

"But what about the neo-Nazis and Klansmen? What about the militia crazies with guns? What about all the racists? (And don't demand that I show you the Trump racists; we all know they're invisible with dog-whistles, and they're the worst kind.") What about all of the Trump rapists?"

Here's what's about them. They exist to any measurable degree only in your fevered imagination. "Racist" is like "Nazi." Congratulations, Leftists, you have turned two useful words into bland synonyms for "people I don't like."

Show the Bear the like when Obama was inaugurated. People peacefully pondering a birth certificate doesn't count, now. (That was probably among the dodgier aspects of anti-Obamism, and no one's insurance company had to shell out for fires and vandalism). Tea Party rallies: what was the bill for property damage? How many police were injured?

The Bear has been in both a Tea Party rally (in St. Louis, by accident) and carnival in Sicily (on purpose). The Bear assures you that women were far safer from casual, "all in fun" groping at the Tea Party rally.

Show the Bear the Klansmen rioting in Dixie. Show him the neo-Nazis goose-stepping in their hundreds in major cities. Show me the lynching, the politically-motivated rape, Show him the burning, the breaking, the un-American flags of Anarchism and red flags of (the Bear assumes) Communism. Show him the gun-massacre perpetrated upon non-whites, by whites (make sure you get your statistics straight, now).

In other words, put up or shut up.

Now, the Bear has another challenge. Use the comment box to say (feel free to cut and paste):

"He wasn't my guy, but them's the rules, and he's my president. I do not want to be associated with a bunch of idiots who, I have to admit, seem to have found the same party I support appealing. In fact, that sort of disturbs me."

Or, you can pretend birthers are the same as people destroying property in riots, and endangering lives. (Yes, any time there are riots, lives are at risk, especially police lives. Ready to sign on with the Bear that Blue Lives Matter?)

In any case, it's all good for the Bears. It will be a time of instability that we shall make our move. It shall look something like this. Okay, nothing at all like this. Go to bearmageddonnews.com to see what it'll really look like. Drop a comment for those talented guys at the Bear's second favorite website. Maybe even some salmon.

Inspirational Francis Song Will Make You Cry

Wow. Sure are a lot of costume changes. But for The Chosen One, nothing is too good, eh? If the Bear were directing, he would maul the performer. Or add goats, one of the two, or both. Panda has moved to the barn now. Her two siblings live on a ziggurat seven bales high, while Panda is like a moray eel, backed into a hole.

Monday, January 16, 2017

Sunday, January 15, 2017

Bear at Peace: Menu Expanded

Wow, Bear had forgotten how good humans taste. He is a peace.

St. Corbinian, why did you lie to Bear and say it was wrong to eat horses when Bear felt at peace doing so? Now Bear will eat all the horses he wants. To tell you the truth, he was at peace eating the occasional man, woman or child before you said that was bad. Since he is at peace eating people, too, he is soliciting funds for a trip to Rome. The Bear figures everyone wins if he can just get enough money together.

The bishops of Malta, in a pastoral letter published in the Pope's semi-official newspaper L'Osservatore Romano wrote:
 -"[A] separated or divorced person who is living in a new relationship manages, with an informed and enlightened conscience, to acknowledge and believe that he or she are at peace with God, he or she cannot be precluded from participating in the sacraments of Reconciliation and the Eucharist (see [Amoris Laetitia], AL, notes 336 and 351)."

-" 'It is possible that in an objective situation of sin – which may not be subjectively culpable, or fully such – a person can be living in God’s grace, can love and can also grow in the life of grace and charity, while receiving the Church’s help to this end' (AL 305). This discernment acquires significant importance since, as the Pope teaches, in some cases this help can include the help of the sacraments (see AL, note 351)."

-"On the other hand, there are complex situations where the choice of living “as brothers and sisters” becomes humanly impossible and give rise to greater harm (see AL, note 329)."

Friday, January 13, 2017

Panda Makes Her Move

The Bear was snuffling around in the kitchen on one of his nocturnal forages when he noticed Panda in her box, bleating piteously. It was cold in the kitchen. She looked cold. She said she was cold. So, she got picked up and taken upstairs. She snuggled down and went to sleep quite happily, warm beneath the covers. So that's five different species in bed. One of which is the biggest sucker in the world.

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Incredibly Stupid Facebook Catholics

The Facebook Colonies

When he's not spamming baby goat videos, or writing dubious novels, or publishing this slipshod ephemeris, the Bear maintains a Facebook page that depends from this these writings like a forgotten appendix. It is instructive, however, to read what people who are allegedly Catholic actually believe.

The consensus among those Facebook Catholics sufficiently outraged by the Bear to reply follows.

Huh. Being on Facebook doesn't automatically
make Catholics smarter than anyone else on Facebook.

What Facebook Catholics Believe

On The Pope - The Bear has no right to challenge the Pope in any way, or expect him to make an effort to fit his novelties into the legitimate heartland of Catholic belief because, well, he's the Pope. It is beyond ultramontanism. It is (as the Bear has observed before) the most twisted caricature of Jack Chick papal infallibility. 

The Bear humbly believes that any teaching by the Pope is not ipso facto correct. This, according to the Bear's understanding, has never been the teaching of the Church. The Pope cannot discard previously established dogma in favor of his own idiosyncratic personal opinions. What he can certainly do is to teach in continuity with the Church of history, and put his own stamp on his pontificate. It is certainly legitimate to stress mercy, for example. In fact, the Bear thinks that is an excellent thing.

But today we are back to Chesterton's mad virtues, again. Fornication set loose upon Christendom does damage, of course, but Mercy runs wilder, and more madly, and does far greater harm.

"If that little blond girl manages to get into our house again, I guess it's okay."

Communion: A Word that Actually Means Something

(See "Featured Post" on sidebar to the right from 2014. Bear called it then, and he's still right. "End Game is the Eucharist: Keep Your Eye on the Ball." It's always been about the Mass. As the Bear has said in another post, in answer to the question, how many divisions does the Pope have? One. The dividing line is laid down in pavement paint now, so make sure you're on the right side.)

Where "mercy," or any other virtue or dogma is weaponized, in order to destroy established truths that some pope simply believes are outdated, or wrong to begin with, there is a problem. Take divorced and remarried Catholics. 

Communion for Divorced and Remarried Catholics - There are ways that they may be brought into participation with the sacrifice of the Mass that do not involve consuming the Blessed Body and Blood of Our Lord. Pope Benedict pointed this out. Proper instruction, not unworthy communion, is the best way to deal with this issue. But the the culture of the West is built upon entitlement. If I am denied Holy Communion, "those un-Merciful non-Francis priests are taking something away from me! I have rights, dammit!"

(Catholics used to be said to "assist" at Mass. Now, if you say that, people will think you're a "eucharistic minister." "Participation" is shaking hands at least twice per Mass, and singing Haugen-Hass tunes about gathering, and pilgrims and what not. Catholics no longer have any idea what they are in those pews for.)

The same may be said for Lutherans and communion. Anyone who maintains that Lutherans can licitly take communion does not even understand what the word means. "It's okay so long as they can get away with it," is a mind-boggling stupid argument.

Indeed, the argument on Facebook was that the Church does not forbid anyone from taking communion. As long as you're fine with yourself in your heart, you will not be turned away. The Bear supposes that is true. In the Orthodox Church, the priest is likely to establish your bona fides, if he doesn't recognize you, but not in the Roman Catholic Church. 

The Church has always had requirements for worthy reception, which flow from a clear understanding of herself and the Real Presence. Practice implicates dogma, and it is the biggest lie out of the Vatican today to say it doesn't. "Just pastoral." "Only discernment." "Mercy." They say paint covers a multitude of sins, including the sickly face of the raddled prostitute on Francis' arm, and boy, has he laid it on thick. 

The Number One way the Bear knows Francis is offering bad fish is that he is sneaky. Let him forthrightly explain what has changed in our theology of marriage, or Holy Communion. But all we get is hand-waving and buzzwords. Well, the Bear supposes that's all Catholics are capable of understanding, anyway, these days.

But to argue that you may disregard the rules if you can get away with it, is as ridiculous as saying it's okay for Goldilocks to break into your house, contaminate three bowls of soup, and consume one, then wallow around on all your freshly made beds for who knows what vile purposes, as long as she can get away with it.

Here, Dr. Edward Peters says the same thing, but with credibility. Sheep and goats, folks, sheep and goats.

The Amen Corner

In other words, once you step outside the Woodlands, or its allied ephemerical territories, you enter the land of the incredibly stupid Catholic. Whose fault is this? Priests and prelates and the Pope of Rome, and their amen corner, of course. The Anti-Bear. They are dismantling the Church: brick by brick.

The familiar phrase "amen corner" comes from a poem by Thomas Chalmers Harbaugh. It is a good description of well-informed, intelligent Catholics these days. Unfortunately, our choir will never threaten to quit. It is we who will be made more uncomfortable every month, until remaining Catholic becomes an exercise in sheer stubbornness and daily head-shaking.

His voice was cracked and broken; age had touched his vocal cords.
And nearly every Sunday he would mispronounce the words
Of the hymns, and 'twas no wonder; he was old and nearly blind,
And the choir rattling onward always left him far behind.

The chorus stormed and blustered, Brother Eyer sang too slow,
And then he used the tunes in vogue a hundred years ago;
At last the storm cloud burst and the church was told, in fine,
That the brother must stop singing, or the choir would resign.

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

Slo-Mo Baby Goat (Intense)

Pregnant women and readers with heart conditions should not watch this video. Everybody else try it out with the Inception music for sheer menace, Carmina Burana (a.k.a. "Damien Music"), or the epic Goat of Thrones theme. Heck, try them all. Just be sure you start the music before the video, especially before the stirring strings of the Goat of Throne theme.

Watch in horror as the baby goat backs the woman into a corner, threatening to kill her, only to break off the vicious attack, as if toying with her. In the close quarters of the ursine bedchamber, there is no escape.

Because the only thing more fun than a baby goat running amok is a baby goat running amok in slow motion. Not bad for only three days old! The Bear wishes he could sprong and gambol so terrifyingly in slow motion. Love the power slide toward the end.

Baby Goat Tap Dancing

Panda can already get out of her box. Here she is tap dancing like Ruby Keeler.

Sunday, January 8, 2017

[UPDATE:VIDEO ALL THREE! ] Adorable Newborn Baby Goats featuring Panda


Two dilly-dandies
Four stick standies
Two crookers
Two lookers
And a wig wag


Panda is 100% now, thanks to a cup of sugared coffee that literally brought her back from death's door. She lives in the kitchen, now, and we are treated to near constant chattering. (She's a bottle baby.) She has yet to figure out that her legs and her tail belong to her, and is surprised when she
"sprongs" on all fours, or her little nubbin tail goes back and forth.

In other news, the evil chickens are eating all the food we put out for the crows, and Checkers the rooster attacked our yorkie, Buster, terrifying him.

Look carefully for all three. Panda was rejected by his mother, which is why Panda is indoors with us. She almost died. The Shepherdess gave her a bottle of  coffee and sugar to revive her. It was like a miracle. Her momma kicked her out of the group, and out of The glow of the heat lamp, and body heat. She couldn't nurse.

A goat named Panda.

Holly gave us TRIPLETS. She was an ax handle and a half across, and we had about given hope that she would give birth at all. Best of all,  two are girls. Panda could not eat from mom for some reason, and was very cold. That explains the outfit, borrowed front our smallest yorkie. No, I am not choking the, baby goat.

Friday, January 6, 2017

Beta Reader Tip

The Bear finally discovered Frank's secret. Access Dropbox and read the manuscript. Then when you see something you want to make a comment on, highlight it and leave a comment.  ("Yikes!" "I didnt see that coming." "I don't understand this." "I don't buy this with the character's agenda." Whatever.) Excellent way of providing running commentary that lets me track responses, for those who are up to it. Thanks again.

Thursday, January 5, 2017

Francis and the Marquis de Sade

Look at this face. Is this the face of a mean Bear? A vicious Bear? A Rabid Bear?

The Bear has begun 2017 with a return to blogging with a vengeance. While finishing his dubious novel, he had to ignore a lot that was going on.

Well, sorry, heretics, but the Bear is back.

The days of wondering whether Pope Francis is a good pope or something else are long since over with. The days of wondering why he always seems to say the wrong thing while in the domain of the Prince of the Power of the Air, or fails to correct bishops who are heterodox, are now tiny in the rear-view mirror.

It's 2017. We know who he is, what he believes, what his tactics are, and we have an idea about his dodgy theology. And it should scare the Hell out of you.

Is the Bear provocative? Does the Bear have a certain flair for entertaining criticism? Yes. This is a blog by a Bear. It is not St. Corbinian's Bunny Rabbit (although, for a short time when he was hacked, it was). If snarls and roars scare you, you should not even be here. Sure, the Bear may be on a bicycle juggling the heads of heretic bishops, but don't let the cute act fool you. It's calculated to gather a crowd while the Bear suddenly roars prophetically.

Pope Francis' Revolution and the Marquis de Sade

Here's the big deal. It isn't that Pope Francis has encouraged bishops to depart from orthodoxy in sexual morality and a few other areas. It is no particular issue, or even collection of issues. It's the fact that the philosophical suicide of Western thought has officially been adopted by the Pope of Rome.

The Marquis de Sade: "Morality is geography misconstrued."

Pope Francis: "Truth is the calendar misconstrued."

The Bear has argued that, for Francis, the truth is whatever he says it is, because he says it. It is like the most twisted Jack Chick caricature of infallibility. Francis does not sit confidently on the bridge of the Barque of Peter, sounding the truths of the Faith with a brazen trumpet. He is the captain of a U-Boat, sending torpedoes against the Truth, whose wakes can be discerned by those with eyes to see. He slyly introduces ideas and practices that depart from the Faith as clearly taught in the past,  and relies on heterodox bishops to run with them.

He's sneaky. Underhanded. Evasive. Vindictive. Honest men do not operate in this manner. We know this. That alone should cause even the most nose-deaf humans to smell that something is wrong,

So, what has changed? Why can divorced and remarried Catholics take communion now, when they couldn't before? Why can homosexuals be a "family?" Why can Lutherans take communion? And these all do implicate tenets of the Faith, of course. Communion for divorced and remarried implicates both the Catholic theology - the truth - of marriage, and the Catholic understanding of Holy Communion. What has changed?

We finally got a Pope philosophically dead from the cultural disease of the West. Things change simply because Francis has decided. The Fuhrerprinzip again. Things change because times change. Truth is the calendar misconstrued. He doesn't need to officially change dogmas, of course. That was the past, when supposed "truth" was locked up in musty old books. Now we know truth is mutable. Every human being has his or her own truth, eh? It is infinitely easier to change "pastoral practices," to urge "discernment," to elevate "ecumenism" to the highest good, to make Global Warming a subject of incessant preaching, then watch the parasites on the Body of Christ go to work. The Truth is to be found in the lives of the people: is found, does not form, the lives of the people.

See what a revolution this is? "What is truth?"

Sometimes the Bear fears nobody gets this but him. The fear is that he's totally lost his mind, because he's not really all that smart, and should not be the only one to notice something this big.

Francis is formally divorcing the Catholic Church from the very concept of truth. He acts as if the truth does not matter, or is subject to change, or more modern theological theories, or "mercy." A Catholic Church where truth no longer matters, cannot be the Catholic Church. A Pope who acts as if truth no longer matters, cannot be a pope.

The Bear thinks this is the biggest story in a very long time. Francis doesn't care what the letter of the law is, and need not bother changing it. He only cares about what clergy and faithful actually say and do. And, ultimately, that is all about conforming the Church to the failing culture of a dying West. In other words, at long last, the Church is failing in the exact same way, and at the exact same time, as every other worldly Western institution is failing. The implications are staggering and heartbreaking.

Double Indemnity Debate

Ginger Rogers. Did not appear
in Double Indemnity.
American Thinker has a good piece on the classic movie Double Indemnity, where shady life insurance salesman Fred MacMurray, and treacherous wife Barbara Stanwyck, plot the "perfect" murder (in other words, something one of my old clients would have dreamt up) to score big on a policy. Edward G. Robinson turns in a great performance as the company's investigator. This being a Hayes Code movie, it probably shouldn't be a surprise that the two murderers do not happily drive off into the sunset in their new Cadillac.

While the film is obviously handicapped by the absence of Ginger, the Bear feels there's something else. It's risky to criticize others' favorite classic movies and actors and actresses, because feelings run strong.

It's not the camera work, which is stunning, or the direction. The Bear is reading Ginger's autobiography, and she writes she preferred black and white, and thought it could be more creatively used than color. She's not alone. She also said it took just as much time and care to set up scenes. (Did you know the makeup for early b&w films was a yellow ochre?)

Double Indemnity's story is good, too. The murder scheme is ridiculously complex, with a million things that could go wrong. It's the well-planned-out murders that are quickly solved, for the most part. The people who think they're clever enough to pursue an elaborate scheme get caught. It's the mope who beats a stranger to death with her own shoes that gets away with it.

Raymond Chandler made a similar observation, so the Bear will give him credit, but he certainly endorses it.

It's the dialogue that just sounds off to the Bear's sensitive ears. How can the Bear possibly criticize an Oscar-winning classic written by Billy Wilder and Raymond Chandler? Easy! He's a Bear, and has 1300 years experience in show business (if you count Bear baiting).

Few writers had more fun with the English language than Chandler. (Do yourself a favor and read his short essay on mystery novels, "The Simple Art of Murder.") Even as it calls attention to itself, the reader forgives Chandler's unique voice, because you can't help but join in the fun. Nice-guy Fred MacMurray was off-casted as the easily manipulated insurance agent maneuvered into murder by Barbara Stanwyck in an ankle bracelet and a bad wig. It was a huge success for MacMurray, and all involved.

Wilder and Chandler also wrote Sunset Boulevard, which is one of the Bear's favorites. There, also, you have a voice-over. But, that was a much quirkier movie, which the Bear thinks is the point.

In Double Indemnity, the Bear finds the combination of Chandler's dialogue and MacMurray's smirking, one-note performance distracting. In other words, he keeps being reminded that, "Hey, this is Fred MacMurray reciting Raymond Chandler's distinctive dialogue." It pulls him out of the movie. For some reason, other noir films don't have this effect. Humphrey Bogart sold it, for example. The Bear will stipulate that the dialogue would have challenged any actor.

MacMurray was infinitely better in The Cain Mutiny, as the bad guy. In Double Indemnity - a much different genre, of course - he sounds the same taping his confession (while, for all we know, bleeding to death) as he does when he thinks he's putting the moves on Stanwyck. (The confession in the Dictaphone was very clever writing, by the way.)

"Yeah, see, I'm a smart guy, but I wasn't as smart as I thought I was, see, because I fell for a dame, see, a dame with an ankle bracelet and an inconvenient husband, see, and we killed him for the insurance money, see, me and the dame. Like I said, I'm not such a smart guy, see? Ow, this  bullet wound hurts like a hippo with a toothache, see?"

"But what about silly Fred and Ginger movies?" you ask. "Or screwball comedies, which I assume you like, too, even if they have Katherine Hepburn in them?"

Yes. The Bear likes all of that. But Fred and Ginger aren't plotting a murder while dancing in front of some frosted Van Nest Polglase Art Deco background. Cary Grant isn't planning to kill Ralph Bellamy to get Rosiland Russell back in His Girl Friday. You know you're not watching a story from real life. You know real people's lives don't consist of a case of mistaken identity strung together with six dance numbers. You know people don't machinegun snappy dialogue at each other like Cary Grant and Katherine Hepburn.

The Bear admits to being in the minority, if not, indeed, all by himself on this. But here he stands; he can do no other. Perhaps he's missing the joke. Double Indemnity isn't meant to be taken seriously, either, but is a gem of the genre, to be admired and enjoyed on its own, almost tongue-in-cheek, level.

Maybe. But a film that shot a $150,000 gas chamber scene that the Hayes office thought too gruesome is a pretty dark joke.

Burning in a Rainbow Hat

"I love the smell of burning souls in the morning!"

Bishop: Contraception, Communion for Divorced Catholics, and Homosexual Families, A-OK, according to Pope!

According to Lifesite News, an Austrian bishop has publically taught that: 'remarried' Catholics now have the 'blessing of the Pope' to receive Communion, the use of contraception is 'a decision of conscience' for couples, and homosexuals can constitute a 'family.'

The remarks by Bishop Benno Elbs were reported in the German language newspaper, Die Presse on December 23.

Now, the Bear happens to have a bit of experience with that territory. Ever since the Bear took out local warlord, Grimoald (and his horse: yum), who, with his wife, Biltrudis, had put out a contract on St. Corbinian, Germans have had a pathological fear of Bears. They call any of us who try to enter their country a "Problembär" and execute us on sight, like poor Bruno in 2006 (BLM).

There's nothing wrong in Germany that a few hundred Bears couldn't fix. Of course, that would be true at any time during history.

Short of that, Pope Francis' strategy of "a wink is as good as a nod to a blind horse" is working beautifully. Oh, how he keeps his lily white hands clean! He is the religious equivalent of the arms dealers he is so obsessed with. Perhaps there is a psychological reason for that. It allows his guilty conscience to acknowledge that he is injecting heresy into the Church by providing his Fifth Column with weapons.

Unless Pope Francis sharply and publically condemns Bishop Elbs, we will know that he is not legitimately exercising the duties his office. What does that mean? The Bear isn't quite sure himself. He supposes everyone must make up their own minds.

But 2017 may be the year when Catholics must choose between their Faith and their Pope, God forbid.

2016: the year Pope Francis finally showed his hand.

Which brings us to the second article from Lifesite, whose headline gave the Bear a good laugh: "2016: the year Pope Francis finally showed his hand." Um... okay. The writer is probably not responsible for this howler, and the article contains a pretty good bill of particulars relating to the charge that Pope Francis is... well, whatever he is, but who is clearly not a pope we need to still be writing about in 2018.

So, listen very carefully, friends, visitors, and woodland creatures. Suppose some real blogger, say Simcha Fisher, gave an interview to the New York Times, and said, "St. Corbinian's Bear started out being suspicious about the Pope Francis, but all that's changed. He is now a firm supporter."

Unless the Bear corrected Fisher, and wrote a sharply worded letter to the Times denying Fisher's claim, and went on news shows telling everyone that, no, nothing has changed, he remains alarmed by just about everything Pope Francis does, starting with waking up in the morning, why, people would assume the Bear endorsed the libelous statement.

"I'm going to Hell, but at least Satan will give me a red hat!"

"I need another cap. The
last burned up again."
Here we have a Pope who wants bishops to spread his heresies, because we are in a point in history when most bishops hold to error. And, of course, most people refuse to hold with sound doctrine. Francis knows that all he has to do is throw out the AK-47s and RPGs to his Lutherans in purple, stick his fingers in his ears, and they and his pet bloggers will do the rest.

In fact, things are so bad that unless we get a pope who will vigorously combat heresy, even an orthodox pontificate of smiling and kissing babies will not do us any good. The Bear is not certain what "vigorously combat" means to humans, but he is speaking, as he always does, as a Bear. Rawr.

If there's anything worse than a heretic, it's a heretic without - excuse the expression, but I am a Bear, after all - balls. At least Francis' hero, Martin Luther had the guts to nail his 95 theses onto the church door. Pope Francis smiles and pretends to be a real pope. (Not saying he isn't technically; not saying he is, either. The Bear has placed him on double secret probation in 2017.). Then he slips his 95 theses , page by page, to quislings, on the sly.

He pretends not to see that dubia, that damns him not for what it says, but for how he ignores it. He pretends not to hear bishops like Elbs, who are not content to go to Hell by themselves, but report down the chain of command to Satan himself, to drag as many people as they can with them, no doubt hoping Satan will at least let them burn in a red hat.

What kind of hat Francis hopes for is hard to say. Perhaps a rainbow one.

Wednesday, January 4, 2017

Mentioned in Dispatches

Beta Reader Frank is doing such an outstanding job, the Bear must call all the woodland creatures to the Big Clearing and honor him in some Bear fashion that does not carry too much risk. He's just peppering the Bear with tiny emails a quoted sentence or two, then his reaction. Plot mysteries, excellent insight into character psychology... this is perfect. The Bear wants to know if he has his readers right where he wants 'em. Like stalking a fat pony.

And, yes, Frank is right on the money, appropriately mostly bewildered.

Good job!

Let the Woodland Creatures Rampage to Aleteia

You know that moment when you realize the Pope isn't one of us?

First all, don't miss the Bear's outrageously provocative, but dead-on, article directly below this one. You'll be happy to know that, with Judging Angels off to the publisher, and 6000 words into the sequel, the Bear is back in the Woodlands, and has lost none of his Bearishness.

The Bear is certain you remember this horrific, but emblematic, picture from Pope Video One. Aleteia posted it with a story entitled: Stunning: Pope's Powerful New Video Initiative Packs a Prayerful Punch

Stunning: Barrister Bear's Beastly New Barrage of Blows Blasts Ecclesiastical Baboonery. Because there's no such thing as too much alliteration.

The Bear will agree that the naked display of syncretism / indifferentism was stunning, all right. He read the article three times, however, and must report that somebody actually thought this was stunning in a good way, like Ginger Rogers in her infamous feathered dress in Top Hat stunning.

The Bear was vaguely aware of the website Aleteia, but it smelled like sulphur, even at a distance, so he never went near the place. But tonight, he got lost and wandered into the swamp. What he found was a truly - how can the Bear put this delicately - an embarrassingly gushing article displaying spasms of intense pleasure at the first, and worst, of the Pope Videos that have been regularly lampooned by the Bear and the Hound. who, between us, have had the best commentary, if the Bear may say so, on these ridiculous and poorly produced non-Catholic commercials for Niceness.

Pope Francis is just so dreamy!

The Bear left a comment here, and were a number of woodland creatures to descend upon their comment section, it would be hilarious. The Bear knows what sharp little teeth you have, my pretties. He can't imagine a more worthy target than the fatuous writers at that gin joint. Your Bear has led the way, and invites you to follow with all the holy glee you possess. Who knows, this could become a regular thing.

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

Pope Francis and the Fuhrerprinzip

The Fuhrerprinzip: the leader's word is above all written law.

The Live Act, to Warm Up the Audience

The Bear suspects some of you think he is wise, and puts much thought and research into his pieces for his ephemeris.

The Bear is at a loss to know why anyone would think this. See his bicycle? See him juggling copies of Amorous Laetsetse Fly? See him beg for salmon at the end of his threadbare circus cum vaudeville act, featuring Bear tricks, happy songs and snappy chatter, and some shaggy dog material thrown it for good measure?

Bear: "What do you say if Pope Francis makes sense?"

Band Leader: "I don't know. What do you say if Pope Francis makes sense?"

Bear: "Police! Somebody's kidnapped the pope!"

Then a rendition of the Bear's famous "Bunny Song," followed by a quick circle around the stage on the old bicycle, juggling bowling balls, after which the Bear crushes one in his jaws, a sure-fire crowd-pleaser.

The Two-Reeler

Then there's a two-reeler featuring the comedy duo of Cardinal Kasper and Cardinal Marx as two inept German sausage inspectors in,


1st Ginger Pic of 2017
(A real word, which is why Germans don't play Scrabble.)

The Feature Film

That is followed by the feature film: a musical comedy starring Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers. Fred plays Cardinal Bergoglio, who has been elected pope. He says he wants to think it over, and, deep in thought, wanders into a dance studio in Rome, where Ginger teaches him to tango.

He falls in love with her, but sadly says they can't get married because he's the Pope. But some cardinals find him, and say he's not eligible to be pope anyway, since he's a manifest heretic!

Six months later, he divorces Ginger for Ruby Keeler, but says it's okay. Ginger marries the a Bear, no, a man in a Bear suit who is totally not THE Bear, or even a Bear, for that matter, and he says that's okay, too. (Red Death must never see this.)

Everybody lives happily ever after.

Now We Get Serious: the War Bond Pitch - Let's Show the Kaiser!

Look, humans. The Bear is not snarling at divorced people, or Lutherans, or whatever. At least not all the time. But, what Pope Francis completely fails to understand is that this is the 21st century. We know what he's up to. We have opinions. Yes, we - most of us, but the Bear is looking at you, Seattle Kim (mwah!) - recognize him as Pope, although a rather dubious specimen. You can't say, "Divorce & remarriage," and hit us sheep with the Pope stick. You can't say, "Lutherans take Communion," and never teach us what changed all of a sudden.

Frankly, these are the actions of a humbug.

Pope Francis does not feed the sheep. He beats them. Amorous Laewithwhoever is not food. It is indigestible Styrofoam kibbles with zero nutritional value, and probably laced with cyanide at that. Great teachers are succinct. Great Popes said it all in short encyclicals that all who run may read. So, then, what is it? It's a smokescreen for his cabal to hide behind as they dismantle the Catholic Faith.

We Riders of the Purple Page - what did one of his Liars for Hire call us? Murderers or something? (Because calling writers "murderers" is such an effective rhetorical device.) That is the language of a man who has decided to make himself the Bear's enemy. But we're not going away. You can't arbitrarily change stuff and quiet the peasants with hand-waving. Some of them are Bears, who cannot be frightened or bought off (except with lots of salmon, wink).

You Can't Just Make Up Stuff and Not Justify It

The Bear is sorry, but you can't just sit on the Humble Folding Chair of Peter, in the Humble Corner of the Vatican Garage, and yell crazy stuff like a street preacher without justifying it. The Bear - and his readers - want a cogent explanation of why, after all this time, divorce and remarriage is cool. And why, after all this time, Martin Luther was one of the greatest heroes in Christian history. Instead we get mutters of "pastoral," and "discernment,"  and "ecumenical." Seriously?

BOP! Hit with the Pope Stick again. Baaaaa.

When you don't offer real explanations, we are pretty sure you're lying to us, and abusing your office. Just sayin', the Bear's Judgment Day is iffy, but at least he didn't completely destroy the Roman Catholic Church.

The Bear knows what you're going to say. "No, he can't do that. No it's not so bad," Yeah, well, maybe technically he can't, because maybe there will be a Pope Billy Bob, in Del Rio, Texas, and the Church will have thirty members, or some other hypothetical situation. But all it takes is for the Church (the one in Rome) itself to officially say: "All that crap we used to teach in the past? Forget it. Now the Church is run by The Amazing Bergoglio, who channels Teilhard de Chardin with a Ouija board from one day to the next."

And that, loyal readers and visitors, is the problem in a nutshell. It's even not hard. A dubia was submitted. It resides in the Humble Outhouse of the Humble Cardboard Box in which Francis lives, serving the only purpose he deems it fit for, page by page. Because he sure as Hell isn't going to answer it.

If we were in court, and he were on the stand, and the Bear were cross-examining him, and he refused to answer the Bear's question, he would look worse than Captain Queeg. Yet, that is where we are at, isn't it?

The Bear is Tired of Scorpions, and Asks for a Fish

Pope Frances, the Bear is all ears. He has a modicum of intelligence and will respectfully listen to a real explanation. And don't throw a thirty pound, poorly ghostwritten piece of garbage at him and expect him to sift through it for the next ten years until he realizes it was written as a weapon, not instruction.

Explain what's different now. You're Pope? Wow. That would be a very, very bad reason.

The Bear would think it was great if Lutherans and everybody else could all be Christians with us! He knows people have suffered as divorced and remarried Catholics. Nobody wants to see that. The Bear is perfectly serious, here. He wishes we didn't have to worry about a bunch of old rules, and could be as laid back as Christian Scientists or Unitarians. The Bear wishes the Catholic Church could be all ice cream and helicopters.

So does Pope Francis, apparently. But, in the immortal words of Ricky Ricardo, "Lucy, you got some 'splainin' to do."

Francis Out on a Limb, Sawing, Expecting to Remain Suspended in Mid-Air
While the Vine of Christ Falls Away

Pope Francis enjoys what he views as the absolute power of the Papacy. He likes that part of the Faith. Everything else, though, is up for grabs. He foolishly imagines he can sit on the great limb, which comes from the True Vine, Christ, and saw it off. In his imagination, it is the Vine that falls, while the papal limb on which he sits remains suspended in mid-air.

It doesn't work that way. It's never worked that way. The Papacy is not run by the Fuhrerprinzip.

Will Francis really destroy the Church? No, the Bear doesn't think so. The Church is not just in Rome, and not confined to the person of the Pope. God sees it in an instant, stretching back in time, and forward to the future (which is probably the shorter line). The Bear reads his Bible more, these days, like a good Baptist, and pays less attention to an increasingly odd and out-of-touch Pope.

Let's stay in the Church in 2017, and the Bear means the Church that is saddled with Francis. He's a blip. So are you. (The Bear has been around 1300 years, and doesn't plan on going anywhere soon.) But let's complain. Let's be malcontents. Let's keep reminding each other - and Francis, because we knows this gets under his skin - why Francis owes us an explanation, or he's no good. Not out of ill will, but out of love for the Faith.

He's been approached privately. He's been approached by a few elders. The only thing left is for him to answer before the whole Church, or be treated as a tax-collector. Yeah, we got your Vatican II Powers of the Laity, remember those? Cuts both ways, doesn't it?

We're not reformers. We're preservers. If you want to change important, well-established things in the Catholic Faith, you had better be ready to justify yourself. Francis may be humble. A Bear doesn't know. But what a Bear sees is someone acting like the most egomaniacal, megalomaniac, full-of-himself, Nixonian-Saturday-Night-Massacre-paranoid, I-know-better-than-anyone, little jumped-up Jesuit poster boy for the Peter Principle (the other one), who thinks the Church is governed by the Führerprinzip.

The Bear hopes Pope Francis proves him wrong in 2017. He also hopes he wins the Pulitzer Prize.

Sunday, January 1, 2017

New Years Message from the Bear

Tiberius Caesar was emperor of Rome. Pontius Pilate was governor of Judea. Herod was Tetratch. And Caiaphas was the high priest. From top to bottom, the authorities, in Rome, in fortresses, in palaces and in the temple, were about as rotten as men get.

That is the way the third chapter of Luke begins.

Suddenly, we are far from the centers of power - in fact, in the wilderness. A nobody, a strange hermit, all hairy, and subsisting on bugs and honey (that almost sounds familiar) receives the word of the Lord. All the powerful, the rich, the well-connected, are ignored, as crowds flock to this prophet. Is he the Messiah?

No. He tells them to stop sinning and do good. He baptizes them with water, for forgiveness, if they are willing to repent, but points ahead to Another.

No matter how corrupt our government and religious leaders are, God does not forget us. You can't stop God's truth. You just can't. It doesn't matter who you are, or what office you hold. Because you can't stop the ordinary, the empty, and the simple, where God is found.

The coming year will be a test, which was what the Greek word translated "temptation" really means. May the word of the Lord come to you in 2017, bringing healing, courage, and love, and may we all pass the coming tests in the sure faith, handed down to us in purity.

What a Way to Start the New Year

On January 1st, 2017, we turned over the ticker at One Million all-time views. Thank you. May most of them have been edifying.

Beta Reader Roster [Closed]

UPDATE: Due to the gratifying response, the Bear announces he has all the beta readers he needs. If you think you are a beta reader, but have not received a way to read the manuscript, please email the Bear.

Thanks to three readers who have volunteered. A couple have followed my previous stupid instructions to use the link on the right, and that doesn't work the right way for this. So if you have not received an email inviting you to my Dropbox, you need to email me at:


Dropbox may ask you if you want to install it. You don't have to if you don't want to. Unless you share large files with people, there's not much point.

Thanks to my longsuffering wife, Red Death, who has endured much growling and even snarling, and even, a roar or two, in addition to being a novel widow.

Thank you again. A new year, and a seven-year project launched. The Bear is sharpening his claws for the resumption of usual programming featuring gleeful evisceration of error and falsehoods, to the extent his 450 gram ursine brain can detect them. But, it's really the smell. Did the Bear ever tell you that Bears have the most sensitive noses in the animal kingdom? It's true.

Especially for heresy.

It smells like an old-fashioned wooden match when struck. And it is unsafe to do that in an ancient barque with dry timbers being loaded with dynamite by an old guy in a white dress.

2017 !

JA Submitted in 2016: Note To Volunteer Readers

JA is finished and submitted. You'll all be glad to know you won't be hearing about it anymore. Until Judging Angels the Movie, with an All-Bear Cast. And the Bear can get on his bicycle and start pedaling around juggling copies of Amorous Laetitia. (Did you know "Laetitia" is the name of a symbol in the Medieval occult divination system called Geomancy? Coincidence?)

The Bear still needs your input though. Previous beta readers welcome - skim until you get to new stuff, but it is very, very different. The Bear isn't sure what the mail link does, but it apparently does not send him an email from which he can extract your address. So if you have emailed a response, to the previous request, you're going to have to do it again, and a little different.

In order to get in on this good deal, you're going to have to send the Bear an actual email to:


I will give you the link to Dropbox, and you can take it from there.

You can enjoy all wry 46 chapters, 162,000 words, from A Day of Very Last Things, all the way up to the shocking and surprising climax covered by The Sweet Metallic Tang of Blood, A Murder of Crows, and, finally, Stone Cold Killer in a Zebra Suit. You'll laugh. You'll cry. You'll say, "What the...?"

You'll learn all sorts of practical lessons you can use in your everyday life, too. Like how to avoid demons, what a brush ax is (and can do), the rate of fire of a Remington 870 pump shotgun (hint: way faster than you think), how fingerprints and DNA work in the forensics lab, and how chain of custody is maintained on evidence, what to expect in your next police interrogation and why you should never, ever allow yourself to be interrogated, why you shouldn't trust crows, what government agency is in charge of supernatural incursions (you'll never guess in a million years, but then you'll go, "okay, that still makes no sense at all") and why Romanian is the lingua franca in Hell. (Maybe some of you might want to start brushing up, hmm?) That last actually makes perfect sense.

If C.S. Lewis' Space Trilogy were funny, it would be sort of like this. Sort of Catholic Terry Pratchett, Neil Gaiman, Dean Koontz - ish.  The Bear wanted the tagline, "Even Funnier Than the Brothers Karamazov," but for some reason the Publisher said, "No." Even so... the Bear will just say it: it is. And much more exciting.

All you have to do is tell me how you liked it. No tedious proofreading. Just, "yeah, I liked it, I think it worked," or, "what the Hell were you thinking, Bear?" Of course, suggestions and comments appreciated.

What a deal, huh?

Ciao peeps. Told you all this was a 2016 project. Oh, and Happy New Year! 

Featured Post

Judging Angels Chapter 1 Read by Author

Quick commercial for free, no-strings-attached gift of a professionally produced audio book of Judging Angels, Chapter 1: Last Things, read...