Friday, April 28, 2017

Bear's Novel Released

Finally, the Bear's novel, Judging Angels, is available for purchase! It's a BIG, Bearish tale that begins with a series of crimes that put the criminal justice system on TILT. Does our hero George Able find a Christmas Miracle? Or does his second chance require a pact signed in blood? Whatever the case, the deal comes with one beautiful young redhead who is in love and lethal and clueless about her origins. A fractured family must put aside its problems to mount a rescue.

Red Morgan, as the woman calls herself, seems essential to their efforts. Yet troubling clues convince George's estranged wife Alice that there is only one obstacle to Red's fantasy of her and George's white wedding in Vegas: Alice herself.

The Bear has tried to pack a lot of interesting things into the story, but they are really there to keep the reader's interest during an exploration of common issues faced by everyone, but especially Catholics - and most especially lapsed Catholics - today.

  • How does the Church's apparent waffling on divorce affect a man tempted by a bad marriage and a beautiful new love?
  • What is the right way to deal with near occasions of sin - and the very, very, wrong way?
  • Why is the sin of pride so insidious?
  • What effect do the sins of parents have on their children?
  • Why are some smart people tempted to drift away from the Catholic Church?
  • How can two similar men choose different responses to changes in the Church?
  • How can seemingly weak priests occasionally surprise you?
  • And most of all, how far will each of the characters go to rescue Sandy, the youngest of the family who has been kidnapped by evil incarnate?

This a book where characters have grown-up discussions with one another. And sometimes kill people. Chapter by chapter, the temptations are ratcheted up, and the choices  become narrower.

And in this C.S. Lewis meets Raymond Chandler oddball there are - to paraphrase a line from A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum - plenty of dames, guns and schemes, for those of you who have absolutely no interest in pirates - erm, theology.

The Bear hopes you enjoy. Just set aside all expectations... all of them except the fact that this novel was written by Your Bear, with his Bearish sense of humor.

By the way, it bears little resemblance to the early version sent out to readers. Thanks to some constructive criticism and a major revision, the Bear is proud to release this novel, the first in the Rubricatae Chronicles. Yes, if you enjoy it, God willing, there will be plenty more of some of the most original writing out there.

There are a few instances of bad language, and a some Bearish scenes involving bloodshed, although, for the most part, the Bear toned that down.

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Bears to Church: "We Got This"

Planet of the Heretics

"You bloody fools. Ah, damn you!"

That's it. Bears are taking over. Resistance is... yummy. For a preview, check out the Bear's favorite website.

Why does the Bear feel like Charleton Heston on the beach at the end of Planet of the Apes?

Ann Barnhardt's inaugural podcast was pretty gosh-darn good, and not just because she cites the Bear. She gets the high stakes we are playing for.

The Terrible Truth Everyone is Afraid to Acknowledge

IF we can have a pope who spouts the bull... erm... crap that Francis does; who is elected and reigns unchallenged; diminishing, no changing, the Faith in fact by exceptions and distractions; who one day dies; and 95% of the Catholic Church declares he was a saint among us, who was humble, and truly cared for those on "the peripheries;" whose abominable encyclicals remain on the shelf next to those of great, faithful popes of the past, THEN


There is a PROBLEM with the papacy itself.

And if a problem with the papacy, then a PROBLEM with the Church itself.

And if a problem with the Church itself, there is no logical reason to believe anything the Church has ever declared to be the truth. The Bear means, if you catch your spouse cheating, why should you believe him or her the next time there is reason to suspect adultery? A promise has turned out to be a broken thing. There are things you can do after breaking a promise, but un-breaking it is not one of them.

But God made this promise, right? So it is impossible that Pope Francis is Damien in his old age, right?

Anyway, Bear forgot. Adultery's no big deal anymore. The Bear would think of a better example if he did not run such a slipshod ephemeris.


Now, are you awake? Are  you shocked? Is there a flaw in the Bear's logic? A divinely guided institution is less like a machine than a diamond. A machine can have worn out parts and still function, although perhaps not as well.

A diamond is whole or not. Period. You can't admit a flaw to its integrity or it is essentially changed.

"But we've had bad popes before."

You know, the Bear does not believe that is even worth the electrons it would take to argue, but here goes. Those popes may have been immoral, and they may have been mistaken, but they did not start tearing down the Faith starting at Genesis 2:24. Also, a Medieval pope did not have the ability to wage unceasing warfare against the Faith on a one-to-on basis.

Worst argument ever. It would be fine if Jorge Bergoglio was just a "bad pope." He is far, far worse than that. He is an enemy of the Church. Possibly a major cosmic player, but let's not get carried away. It's like having a Bear rampage through your house and saying, "Oh, we've had pests before."

We really need a new theology of the papacy to logically cover the facts that (a) Francis is Pope, and (b) he is actively destroying the Catholic Church and the ancient Faith. Good luck with that one. You know, though, if you're going to make all these claims about your pope and your Church, you had better be able to explain Jorge Bergoglio. Submitting a dubia did not accomplish anything. And that is charitable.

The solution is... Yeah, Bear's got it here in his pocket...
Oh, wait, Bear doesn't wear pants. He doesn't have a pocket. Uh...

So what is the solution? The Bear's earlier shocking example cannot be simply dismissed unless we are to fall into fideism. Logically, it remains a viable option that can be forensically presented with a reasonable degree of confidence, if one were not Catholic. Right now the Bear would hate to have to enter into a debate with a Protestant about the Glorious Shining Truths of the Unchanging Catholic Church.

"Divorce? We Catholics don't believe all that crap anymore. Can we talk about something relevant, like migrants?"

But do not fear. The Bear is not going to adopt that logical and defendable position today.

But he's got to tell you, we are being so abused by our churchmen, by our theologians, by our thinkers, and by 99% of the Catholic media, and especially by the ultramontanist faction. Why does some STUPID BEAR who can't even shop at a normal menswear store have to sit here with comfort-honey smeared all over his muzzle trying to figure out this crap with his 450 gm. brain?

The Bear isn't going to adopt that logical and defendable position he outlined before, you know, the one that we've been duped all along. That exercise is not the take-away.

He will adopt some other logical and defendable position.

Except he does not know what the Hell it is, and it is apparent none of our gelded darlings who manage what we believe are going to tell him. Freaking do-it-yourself Catholicism by blog. The Bear is sick and tired of it.

Pope Corbinian

Tell you what. If everything's up for grabs anyway, the Bear declares himself Pope Corbinian. Is that any more ridiculous than Pope Francis turned out to be? Would the Bear be a worse pope? Could he? Heck, the world would love him more than Francis. "A Bear! That is so adorable!"

So, great. First act: everything Jorge Bergoglio ever wrote is collected and burned. Second act: every act of Jorge Bergoglio's papacy is abrogated. Third act: Jorge Bergoglio is excommunicated with bell, book and candle and he is banished to the Vatican dungeons in chains.

The absence of microphones will prove fatal within days.

Pope Corbinian. Governing the Church from this ephemeris since April 26, 2017. Because, in all seriousness, the universe is not big enough for the contradictions inherent in there being a Catholic Church and Jorge Bergoglio being its pope.

Happy days are here again.

Pope TED

Everybody loves to hate TED talks. It is an official entry on the "Stuff White People Like" website. Comedian Sam Hyde was spot on when he gave a ridiculously self-congratulatory TED talk on "the 2070 Paradigm Shift" a few years ago, while dressed like a Greek hoplite.

With his "Neo-Earth Good Government League" he should have been the warm-up act for Francis' TED talk.

 Among the gems (this is Sam Hyde):

What inspires me, is teaching African refugees how to program Javascript. What inspires me is finding out how to use MagLev trains to get resources to the moon. These are the challenges that tomorrow's going to face.

It should be no surprise that Pope Francis popped up on a TED to talk about the "Future You."

The Bear finds that phrase ominous, since, actuarially, the future Bear will shortly be fertilizing the daisy patch. But, of course, the future is full of hope for Pope Francis. But what kind of hope?

As the Bear read the bland comments, he recalled the brilliant po-mo generator that assembles jargon into academic essays that have fooled at least one journal. It would not be hard to create a "Francis Generator" that did a quick paste job using solidarity, refugees, migrants, youth, arms dealers, dialogue, and those evil northern bastards who stole everything from the south, etc.

This talk could have been generated by the Bear's hypothetical program. And it is just as hard to write a sensible story about. You can skim it for yourself. It isn't that long. It is devoid of any genuine Catholic insights. The theological virtue of Hope is reduced to an expectation for a better tomorrow - here on earth. Pope Francis actually calls for a revolution. A worldly revolution, of course, that would put in power progressives like himself.

It makes an uncomfortable read, because you realize that this is not someone who is all that interested in souls, or Heaven, or any of that stuff. Jorge Bergoglio was elected Pope to advance the agenda of the Prince of This World. His gospel is the anti-gospel of the Prince of This World.

The Bear will pull one comment for analysis, though.

If there is one parable that is the most abused, it is the Parable of the Good Samaritan. Your Pope makes it sound like it is being declaimed by Lenin while the Internationale plays in the background.

The story of the Good Samaritan is the story of today’s humanity. People's paths are riddled with suffering, as everything is centered around money, and things, instead of people. And often there is this habit, by people who call themselves "respectable," of not taking care of the others,

So far, so not too awful. There are many who put caring for another person far down on the list. Especially rich bastards, but, still, this isn't so bad. But then here's the sting.

thus leaving behind thousands of human beings, or entire populations, on the side of the road. Fortunately, there are also those who are creating a new world by taking care of the other, even out of their own pockets.

"Thousands of human beings." "Entire populations, on the side of the road." But, hey, those who support my immigration policy are "creating a new world." Heaven on earth. You would think his Bible had "The Parable of Redistributing Wealth to Entire Populations By the Side of the Road." If his papacy lasts long enough, yours will, too.

The Bear will let you judge for yourself whether Pope TED has a clue about what the Parable of the Good Samaritan means. But here's a hint: forbid any Marxist interpretation and he would be left stammering.

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Where's That Story?

The Bear reconsidered. If the original blogger thinks it should be dropped, the Bear should respect her wishes, rather than perpetuate a story that - really - was not his. We are a community, and... well, that's all. (Re: Arkansas condemned.)

Monday, April 24, 2017

Interview of the Bear on his Novel JUDGING ANGELS

Please examine the elements of the
cover carefully. They are each there for
a reason. Do not say you were duped by
the Bear into thinking you were
buying a Pooh book.
Q: When will Judging Angels be published, and who is the publisher?
A: If they made wristwatches big enough to fit on the wrists of Bears, the Bear would be looking at his. Hope and Life Press.
Q: Once and for all, who really wrote Judging Angels?
A: The same intelligence, wit and style behind this ephemeris is behind Judging Angels.
Q: What genre is Judging Angels?
A: All of the above. [Audience light flashes: "Laugh."] It has been marketed as a "psychological thriller," and "urban fantasy." But it also has elements of crime, mystery, police procedural, soft science fiction, adventure, and even romance. Perhaps it is best to say that a family and the criminal justice system meet something very difficult to digest. The "secret ingredient" is theological, however. Whatever loud explosions and bright lights are going off to distract readers, the heart of Judging Angels is God. Think of it as a cross between C.S. Lewis and Raymond Chandler.
Q: How would that work?
A: Dames and guns, see, but in the service of the Church and souls.
Q: That seems like it would be hard to make work.
A: Yeah? Well, not for a Bear, see? And not for any characters who are "not from around here" as they prefer to say, wink wink. Mostly it's dark, but it is well-lubricated by mordant humor. The purpose is to throw some ordinary people into the midst of various temptations and see what happens. And laugh at them. Here's a hint: [Bear shakes head sadly]. While the details might be fanciful, the principles are frighteningly realistic. Let's just say, you'll probably put the book down thinking about getting into Confession.
Q: What do you mean by that?
A: There are consequences to every decision. Don't come looking for cheap grace or the kind folks of Bedford Falls to come and bail out poor old George Bailey. There is a reason there needs to be a lot of humor. It deals with serious things like exactly how everyone is going to Hell. That's what's really scary, not a throat getting slit or something. (Hypothetical example... if that means what the Bear thinks; but it happens to people!)
Q: How does it compare with The Brothers Karamazov?
A: A lot more laughs. Um, Bear forgets. How many people got shot in that book?
Q: The Godfather?
A: Um, how many people got shot in that one?
Q: Obviously, you're joking, right?
A: Yeah. Joking.
Q: What audiences is Judging Angels suitable for?
A: That's a good question. A Hell of lot fewer than the Bear thought before this interview. Just kidding, just kidding. It is not as bad as the Book of Judges, to put things in perspective. It deals with things like maybe shooting people, and near occasions of sin. Oh, also strangling people. And maybe a pitchfork. That's it... okay: knife. I'm not going to give everything up. Some of the violence is what we call "off scene." Nothing explicit. Bear took all that out. Actually, some stuff was taken out, and 'explicit' is hard to define, but the Bear will say there is nothing tasteless. No Bear attacks. Although that's a great idea. It may not be too late for that. Maybe fraternizing with supernatural beings of uncertain origin, like redheads. [Audience light flashes: "Laugh."]
Q: Anything besides violence?
A: There are dark themes such as suicide, and human mating rituals, but this is published by a very respectable publishing house, after all. Tough to write about human behavior while keeping it all innocent. Even Goldilocks was a felon. The Bear writes what he knows about, except no salmon, and no honey. It has some language C.S. Lewis probably didn't use too much, but you've probably heard worse in the Marine Corps. Besides, the Bear thinks one character is responsible for nearly all of it. And it isn't the Marine. Sin and damnation is grownup stuff. It's not for pre-teens.
Q: Do you have a favorite character?
A: Sure. The one on the cover. Seriously, the Bear thinks most of them would be best as a meal. Two she-bears eating everyone wouldn't be a bad ending. The 15-year-old has the best lines and the worst parents ever, so you got to kind of like him. There's a six-year-old who is pretty harmless. In this book.
Q: Can you tell us anything about the plot?
A: Sure. The easiest-to-kidnap member of the family gets kidnapped, and everybody nearly sets aside their various issues to try to rescue her. (Watch the trailer) But that is the least important thing going on, which is the big joke that everybody but the main characters get. Oh, I forgot something. Tarot readings.
Q: What about them?
A: There are some, but done by the bad guys. Let's just say, they don't help. Oh.
Q: What?
A: That made me think of something else. Maybe someone else gets shot... at... urm... But there is a strong anti-violence message. The message is violence is bad, and stuff. It doesn't solve anything. Also a strong gun responsibility message. Guns are bad, but if you have to use them, do so safely. And effectively. Also, there is a strong softball bat responsibility message, and same goes for that wicked-looking thing in your grandpa's toolshed whose name you don't know. Look, bad guys do bad things. The author was a death penalty defense lawyer, for Pete's sake! And a Bear, who has, let's call them issues with firearms and humans, okay? And redheads. One redhead, he means. His driver, bodyguard, factotum and lawfully wedded wife under the Munich Bear Exception, Red Death.
Q: Aren't you afraid of controversy coming out with a Catholic novel like you've described?
A: Oh, so you haven't read the Bear's ephemeris! No. Nobody is going to order Judging Angels thinking it was Pilgrim's Progress for Catholics. The Bear believes you have to take risks, and Catholic fiction should not live on its own National Forest Reserve. You would have to reach to find something to be offended at, unless you're a Baptist, but even so, the Bear has always considered Judging Angels a mainstream novel with characters dealing with human problems that have eternal consequences. The Bear certainly hopes no one would have to be Catholic to enjoy this book, or find value in it. It will resonate most strongly with Catholics, though. And Bears. And guys who like redheads and guns. With everyone, really.
Q: Thank you for making yourself available for this exclusive interview.
A: You're very good. It was almost like interviewing myself.
[Audience light flashes: "Applause."]

The comments reflect the opinions and humor of the Bear, and his for-human-purposes persona "Tim Capps", and not necessarily those of the publisher.

Thursday, April 20, 2017

Bear's Prediction: Francis Will Leave Little Legacy

A rhumba of rattlesnakes. (Yes, that is what it is called.)
The Vatican may be a rhumba of rattlesnakes, but too few of them are motivated by aberrant ideology to risk a repeat of Sampson's after-dinner show for the Philistines.

Bear predicts there will be the usual polite language when Bergoglio go-goes, but inside, most prelates are going to be saying, "Boy, did we elect the wrong guy. How could we have been so stupid? Let's get back to normal ASAP before the Bear hops a tramp salmon freighter and cleans house, but good."

The Bear does not think the institutional Church enjoys turmoil. Nor does it wish to court schism, however small the risk. And, who knows? Perhaps there are 10 righteous men in Sodom-on-the-Tiber.

The next pope will be a reliable Italian. This whole darts-at-a-map thing has not worked out very well. His job will be to settle the hens down after that fox Bergoglio is gone. The era of the magisterium of the sound byte will be over. Everybody has seen what a disaster it has been.

Nobody likes to be made fun of incessantly.

There will be the usual suspects agitating, but the Bear repeats, institutions do not enjoy chaos. The mainstream plus the faithful will out-vote the cardinals of questionable orthodoxy.

The Bear does not think Bergoglio was voted in over a desire to extend Holy Communion to divorced and remarried persons. The Bear thinks he was elected to be the outsider that would fix things. Perhaps he even ran for pope on that platform. "I'm from Argentina. And if there's one thing that Argentina is known for it is fixing problems with institutions."

Bergoglio is a little man. He has done what many little men have done when given a big office. He has strutted around like Generalissimo Peron while telling us descamisados how humble he is. The last thing the next pope will want to hear is, "...carrying on the reform of the Church begun by Pope Francis..."

There is a contrary scenario, however. While the institution does not enjoy turmoil, it enjoys popularity. If Bergoglio is perceived to be a populist who made the Church relevant again, we might get someone similar in style. Even so, the Bear still has to believe orthodoxy is going to count at the next conclave.

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Can Francis Destroy the Church?

Bears have a saying: "A bee on the end of your nose is big." Meaning, when we're focused closely on something, it is easy for things to look bigger than they are.

The quick answer to Can Francis Destroy the Church is probably not. This moves us to the second question: Can Francis Destroy the Papacy. That's a closer question.

The tools the Bear has are practical ones developed over centuries to smoke out liars. One of the most important of these is simple the assessment of credibility. It's a seat-of-your-pants skill we all use. It may seem like bootstrapping, because, after all, determining credibility is supposed to be the result of inquiry in court. Yet most people can size up someone pretty quickly and surprisingly accurately. Credibility is the short-cut to knowing if a witness is telling the truth in particulars.

Once you decide someone is not worthy of your belief, his credibility is shot, and you don't need to worry about whether the streetlight was out at the time he said he clearly saw the nighttime murder across the street. Liars lie, buh-bye.

The Bear alludes to the greatest engine for determining the truth known to mankind - cross examination. Exposing bad testimony in particular answers is fine, and a good cross is darned near unbeatable (except by a truthful witness not playing games).

Ah, just the name is charged with drama and tinged with more than a little fear. Cross examination is seldom fun for the witness. Especially when he is being cross examined by a Bear.

You might catch a witness in an outright falsehood. That would certainly put a ding in his believability. You might learn that he is legally blind without his glasses, which were sitting broken on top of his TV as he peered out the window, or he was in Las Vegas when the crime was committed back in Peoria.

Or, you might just observe the witness and listen to the little fibs and accumulation of backtracks. Then, maybe you learn he's a convicted felon who is the best friend of the alternate suspect. A pattern builds up over time and one can can conclude this:

"This person is simply not the truth-telling sort of man I'm going to pay much attention to in this important matter." There is no recovering in the eyes of the jury from losing credibility.

The Pope of Rome is unique among all people in that his job is to speak the truth, and only the truth, but, moreover, he is preserved from error by a whole lot of complicated rules that we can forget about for our purposes. Unless someone cares to explain why it's okay for the Pope to avoid the truth on important matters such as communion for the divorced and remarried as long as he doesn't have his lucky rabbit's foot in his pocket, the Bear does not draw nice distinctions in the age of the magisterium of the sound byte.

So when a sentient Catholic must concede the obvious - Pope Francis is not telling the truth - it matters. Big time. After all, if the Pope can spend his entire papacy running around contradicting Jesus and shoveling untold millions of souls into Hell (maybe), what good is he? And if the signature office of the Catholic Church is worse than useless, what else did those devious medieval clerics dupe us about?

If Pope Francis had not already said Martin Luther was right, the Bear might suspect he was. As it is, the opposite of whatever our Pope says is a veritable rock of the faith.

So, is it time to stock up on Jack Chick tracts and hit the hallelujah highway? This is really another way of coming at a favorite theme of the Bear: cognitive dissonance. Catholics are being required to believe two opposite things at the same time. The Bear doesn't know about you, but that gives the Bear a headache. A headache and a craving for human flesh.

So what's the answer? Stay tuned, but feel free to try your hand.


The Bear has been busy. He will be glad to be able to return to regular blogging.

Editing goes back-and-forth like a tennis match. Bear gets an edited manuscript, marks it up and sends it back, then awaits the return volley. The Bear has just submitted his final edit. In other words, as far as the Bear is concerned, Judging Angels is finished.

Bear will get it back one last time. When he's happy with it (and he should be, by now) that's it. You may fire when ready, Gridley.

Since this is a series, the Bear has been thinking about a name for that. All the ones he wanted were already taken. (Dante Chronicles - taken.) There are "The Red Files," or "The Rubricatae Files." There is also "The Return of the Firstborn," or "The Firstborn Chronicles."

Comments welcome.

More than a few folks volunteered to be readers, but did not get back to the Bear. The Bear wants you to know that's fine. It's a long book, and things are much less rough now than they were then. Not everyone likes urban fantasy. Whatever the reason, the Bear says heavy attrition is expected and  he does not take it personally.

The Bear would hate for old friends to feel they could not post  because of some reason or another.     

Thursday, April 13, 2017

Checkers Lives!

We had thought old Reynard the Fox had inflicted a death blow upon our brave rooster, Checkers. He  did valiantly fight the fox, giving his hens time to escape to safety. However, with some TLC from his girls, he survived. His crow, however, will never be the same. It is now a drawn-out croak, instead of a ringing challenge to darkness and foxes.


Croak with pride, thou Auroura's falcon,
who purpleth the sky with thine enemies' blood,
thou dost not show thy wounds, but singeth.
Chicken thou never wert.

Revolutionaries or Thieves?

When we hear the account of the crucifixion of Jesus, some might be surprised to learn that Jesus was crucified between two "revolutionaries," instead of the traditional thieves.

Let's look at the United States Conference of Catholic Bishop's New American Bible (Revised Edition), the Vulgate, the Douay Rheims Bible, and the original Greek.

NABRE (and Lectionary):
"Two revolutionaries were crucified with him, one on his right and the other on his left." New American Bible. (2011). (Revised Edition., Mt 27:38). Washington, DC: The United States Conference of Catholic Bishops.
The Vulgate (the Latin word latrones means brigands, robbers, highwaymen):
"Tunc crucifixi sunt cum eo duo latrones: unus a dextris, et unus a sinistris." Biblia Sacra juxta Vulgatam Clementinam. (2005). (Ed. electronica., Mt 27:38). Bellingham, WA: Logos Bible Software.
 Douay Rheims Bible (a translation of St. Jerome's Vulgate):
"Then were crucified with him two thieves: one on the right hand and one on the left." The Holy Bible, Translated from the Latin Vulgate. (2009). (Mt 27:38). Bellingham, WA: Logos Bible Software.
Other translations have "bandits" (Revised Standard Version, Catholic Edition) or "robbers" (New Revised Standard Version).

The original Greek is λῃσταί, or lestai. It comes from a root meaning "booty." The Greek word in the original Gospel manuscript simply meant "robber." It is probably closer to our word "brigand," as in one of a band of robbers, not a lone mugger. "Thief," is not the best translation, however, because a thief can be a shoplifter or embezzler. Brigands often killed people. It is quite possible that the criminals crucified next to Jesus were murderers. (In St. Luke's Gospel, one of them -- described as "criminals" -- even admits that they were being justly punished for their crimes, hardly the words of a martyred freedom fighter.)

Some provincial funerary inscriptions from Roman times record that the dead were killed by latrones, i.e. brigands. Starting in the 1950's, leftist scholars began arguing that these well-to-do Romans had been killed by "revolutionaries," anti-imperialist freedom fighters.

Since the Roman province of Judea was a hotbed of rebellion, the NABRE translators decided that these latrones, λῃσταί (lestai) -- brigands -- must have been Jewish zealots who were rebelling against the Romans. They departed from the traditional translation and came up with the eccentric "revolutionaries."

They may have been freedom fighters, or just murderous brigands, or some combination. But the actual Greek does not compel a translation to "revolutionaries." Indeed, there are other Greek words that could have been used had St. Matthew intended to convey that idea.

The NABRE is usually a close and reliable translation from the original languages. The Bear believes in this particular instance, however, translators read something into the text that is not there.

As for why the USCCB would want to put Jesus between two revolutionaries on Calvary, your guess is as good as the Bear's.

Tuesday, April 11, 2017


The Bear knows some have expressed interest in contributing to this august journal, known as SCB.

It's easy. Keep it topical, short and interesting. If you can squeeze a chuckle out of it, so much the better. Just email it to the Bear. Don't pretend to be the Bear. No guarantees, A rejection may only mean that the Bear is working  on a similar piece.

You would be credited with your own name, or any woodland creature pseudonym you wish.

Sunday, April 9, 2017

Pope Lets Down Bloggers Once Again

The whole idea of blogging is that somebody does something and the blogger offers insightful commentary. But Pope Francis is so mind-numbingly stupid there's just nothing to add.

Muslims mass-murder Christians in Egypt and the Pope says this:

We pray for the victims of the attack carried out unfortunately today, this morning, in Cairo, in a Coptic church. I am close to my dear Brother, His Holiness Pope Tawadros II, and to the Coptic Church and to all the dear Egyptian nation I express my profound condolence; I pray for the deceased and the wounded, I am close to the families and to the whole community. May the Lord convert the heart of all those persons that sow terror, violence and death, and also the heart of those that produce and traffic arms.

Sorry, Bear got nothing.

Saturday, April 8, 2017

Bear Francis Cartoon

Insist on genuine AMORIS LAETITIA explosives to get that Adultery Express Lane done on schedule!

Friday, April 7, 2017

So, If Adulterers Can Receive Communion...

ACCEPTING THE FOLLOWING AS TRUE for the sake of this experiment...

If adulterers can receive Holy Communion, then who must not?

  • Murderers
  • Child abusers
  • Active Homosexuals (just kidding, but of course!)
  • Um...

The list seems pretty short to the Bear. Who really needs the sacrament of confession? If it all comes down to the interior forum of your conscience anyway, and Francis has set a pretty low bar of adultery, why should a Bear or anyone bother with going to confession? (It was not very much used anyway, if you compare the confession line to the communion line.)

There is a line in The Caine Mutiny where Fred MacMurray says the ship was "designed by geniuses to run by idiots." With no offense to the Petrine Office, the Bear thinks the Church is pretty much the same. It does not take a lot of talent to avoid totally screwing up everything. The dumbest pope in history could fake his way through a decade or so. "Where is il papa?" "Oh, he's around here someplace, praying, I think."

Most of us have had the experience of finding the end of a loose thread and pulling. And pulling. It just never stops. At the level where most Catholics live, do you really believe most of them are not going to find the logic of "if adulterers, then..." compelling? Where does that logic stop? You cannot ignorantly or wickedly fool around with complex equipment with many interacting parts, or even a sweater.

The question of communion for adulterers was answered long ago. Now, Francis has not just messed up our theology of Holy Matrimony, he has attacked at least two other sacraments, as well: the Holy Eucharist and Confession. The Bear says "at least" because the more Francis throws well-established truths into what he views as the dustbin of history, the more challenged the credibility of the Church itself becomes.

Francis may or may not realize he is sawing off the limb upon which he sits. The Bear believes he doesn't care. The Bear thinks he wakes up every morning saying, "What good is being Pope if I can't change everything?" He won't be around for the drop.

"If adulterers can receive Holy Communion on the whim of a pope, what good is a pope, anyway?" Let's just make it official and become Lutherans.

Monday, April 3, 2017

Judging Angels Ready

[UPDATE OUT IN APRIL] It won't be long now. Judging Angels is all set up for printing and looks fantastic. The Bear could not be more pleased by the early reviews. Now the Bear must walk through the valley of the shadow of edits and submit his final comments, pleas, and rawrs. Bears can work pretty quickly. The Bear will try to get a publishing date and details about how you can get your own autographed copies through this ephemeris.

If you believe you have a free copy coming to you, please remind the Bear by email to . Please put "FREE COPY" in the subject and remind the Bear of the circumstances, plus your mailing address.

The sequel is rolling along nicely, too, anywhere from a quarter to a third finished. The Bear will toss out some chapter titles when he gets some more. Of course, it will be hard to beat "Hotel Blocks Cops, Tots Chopped," but the Bear will do his ursine best.

New characters, and the domestic drama becomes a full-fledged conspiracy with favorite old characters take on roles of cosmic significance.

Soon, Woodland Creatures! Thank you for your encouragement.

Sunday, April 2, 2017

Wicker Man Midwestern Edition

Awake Woodland Creatures, Awake and sing the ancient lays,
Dance the ancient dances, hunt the sacred eggs of fertility laid by
magical rabbits!  Awake, awake, for Ostara has come to brighten the Woodlands.

11 Days of Compassion as we roll into Ostara. The Bear doesn't know about your parish, but in his parish, Ostara is a very busy time to make sure you're seen at all the right events so people will think highly of you. This looks very complicated, however. Perhaps we could substitute Eleven Days of Random Bear Mauling. It would be simple, cheap, fun for the Bear, and exhilarating for survivors.

Perhaps you'll feel like doing a little mauling yourself after reading our Ostara events.
  • Compassionate Community Teen Photo Exhibit
  • Compassionate Community Photo Exhibit
  • Unity in Community Fast ("in your tradition")
  • Read "12 Steps to a Compassionate Life" by St. Karen Armstrong (not sure about the "St.")
  • All Species Puppet Workshop (WTF?)
  • Peace Coalition Monthly Vigil, Theme "What Does Compassion Look like?" (Like Pope Francis, dummies!)
  • Non-Violent Direct Action Principles and Practice, "when traditional advocacy and protest fail." (Um, once traditional advocacy and protest fail, doesn't sound like there's much left besides throwing bricks at Trump supporters.)
  • All People's Walk (sponsored by United Nations Association Southern Illinois Chapter, etc. (Guys, it's more fun if you at least jog. For the Bear that is.)
  • The Sultan and the Saint, SIU Law School Auditorium a docudrama about Muslim-Christian Peacemaking. Sponsor Dr. Zahoor & Sumera Makhdoom. (It will either be full of crap or the shortest movie ever.)
  • Potluck and Healing of the Nations Prayer Service, Epiphany Lutheran Church
  • Family-Style Story Time - children's books and activities exploring compassion and getting along. (Kids would like the Bear better, and might actually learn something useful)
  • Bystander Training for Teens - how to safely respond to conflict and stand up for others (get those cell phones out kiddies)
  • SIU Law School, "Upstanders: Are You One?" Dr. Ralph Anderson interfaith dialogue program includes a panel discussion on being "Upstanders" with representatives from oppressed groups: Jews (seriously?) African Americans, Muslims, and LGBTQ. View WEAPONS OF THE SPIRIT video. (Wait, no Bears? Lucky for us we don't need any help.)
  • Transpoetic Playgound: Sexual Assault, at Gaia House. Spoken word performances on the theme (for the poetry-challenged)
  • Intro to nonviolent communications. "Nonviolent Communications shows us a way of being very honest, without any criticism, insults or putdowns, and with any intellectual diagnosis implying wrongness blah blah blah." (Sure it does. We've seen what the left actually does, so not interested in watching them stroke each other.) RAWR.
  • Preventing Ideologically Inspired Targeted Violence, i.e. against marginalized populations. (Note: "WE do not have an ideology, we're just right, so this doesn't apply to us.")
  • Random Tokens of Kindness.(Make junk out of clay to deter people from ever being kind to weirdoes again.)
  • Immigrants in our Community (Bear will be there with video, ICE on speed dial)
  • All Peoples Walk (DISCRIMINATION!)
  • Restorative Practices (peace-keeping, communications and conflict resolu... (What? Bear dozed off. But he may have discovered a great way to fall asleep.)
  • FISH FRY! The Bear enjoys this one the best, and it is at least recognizably Catholic! ("I still don't understand. If I BOUGHT all of the fish, you have to GIVE ME all of the fish.")
  • Feed Your Neighbor 5k Run.( Sometimes the Bear is still hungry after the FISH FRY and he is, after all, a neighbor. Hi neighbor. No, just keep running.)
  • All Species Puppet Workshop Puppet Hike. Sponsors; Beloved Puppetistas. Bear promises only to eat the puppets. Wait. There's what inside them?
  • The Bear (1988) - (they thought they were going to screen The Crash, but this is better.)
  • Race Unity Fishbowl and Interactive Dialogue. (Bear will be there with his fishing pole.)
  • Hymns of Love and Kindness - Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. (Man, have the Mormons lowered their standards or what?)
  • The Quran - The Environment for Developing and Maintaining Compassion. Fatih-based presentation o the Quran's recurring theme of Compassion. Sponsor: Carbondale Muslim Center. (Make up your own joke.)
  • Face 2 Face: a dialogue of compassion. (Bear stuns other person with earsplitting roar and when the victim wakes up his head will be covered with catsup, Everybody laughs.)
  • Compassionate Response: Mental Health First Aid (Ounce of prevention and all that - don't put any of this crap in the Bear's bulletin and he won't need mental first aid.) 
  • Step Into My Shoes - Improv for Understanding ("That Bear's hogged the stage for 45 minutes and we can't understand anything he says." / "Are you going to tell him to leave?" / "RAWR RAWR rawr. Rawr? RAWR!" / "I think he wants us to laugh." / "But how do you know this isn't the wrong time?")

Saturday, April 1, 2017

Berogliologo for Chrisloslems

The Bear assumes everyone is used to the blasphemies of the current occupant of the Vatican. Therefore you will not be surprised by the latest misuse of what is, after all the Cross of Salvation, in a FrancisLogo that combines the Cross upon which Our Lord died for us with the Crescent that has historically flown over armies and fleets hostile to Christ.

It's two great tastes that taste great together!

The Cross means no more to Francis than the Nike swoosh or the bitten white Apple. Just another corporate symbol which the Marxists and homosexuals that apparently run things cheek-by-jowl with Francis the Merciful may mix together with in an astonishing display of ignorance.

Especially is now the wrong time to be awarding cred that has not been earned. The one message Islam needs until they progress in civilization is,"No, you're not doing well at all. You will get a visit from the Pope when you've earned it. He's just going to have to get his virtue signaling fix some other way."

Pope Francis, I am a Bear. You're not fooling me. It is not just the Bears. Everything down to the field mice are onto your racket. Leave. Retire. Go home to all your non-Catholic besties.

Or better, think of the ground-breaking ecumenical-interfaith funeral you could unleash! A Jew, a Muslim, a Buddhist, then the evangelicals, Lutherans, etc. This would be your biggest moment in your life. Homosexuals, Masons,!

Don't worry about me Jorge. I'll be okay. Just thinking about it gets me excited.

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