Tuesday, November 14, 2017
Why are Women Better than Men?
Women are better than men.
Looking back on 41 years of marriage, the Bear can say without fear of contradiction that his driver, bodyguard, factotum and lawfully wedded spouse, Red Death, is an infinitely better creature than her husband.
She makes it look so easy. It's not fair.
Sure, being a Bear with an appetite for ponies is a handicap, but seriously. She's a saint. Are there other husbands reading this that find their wives seem to have a talent for virtue that they could match only through excruciating toil, if ever?
Here's an example. The Bear was at the VA to get his license stamped by the Department of Fish, Game and Wildlife Bureau of Large Talking Predators for this month. That accomplished, he got into the car. (Note first that Red Death had waited for him - always does - with the patience of a saint. Note also that the only place the Bear ever seems to go is to the VA, which says much about what a prize for a hubby he is.)
"Let's go," Bear said.
"Wait. There's an old guy over there."
"So? I'm hungry? Let's drive through Steak and Shake!"
"The clinic is closing. There's nobody in the lot. He could be a crime victim."
The Bear might say there is a reason he calls his wife Red Death. Trust Bear, ballistically speaking, you do not want to attempt to victimize anyone in her vicinity. Her situational awareness and lethality is the real-life model for certain of his fictional characters. The Bear finally gave her a backhoe for Christmas a few years ago.
They are all legally justifiable, of course, but trials get in the way of her good works. But Bear digresses.
It was only then that the Bear even noticed some white-haired World War I veteran teetering next to a battered old pickup truck. Only after the Holy Spirit, speaking through her natural goodness, clobbered the Bear over his thick, furry skull with his utter insensibility to the needs of others, did he jog - jogged, you understand, an action he has not performed without the encouragement of a fat pony for decades - over to assist the old fellow.
Every day she knits hats for homeless people. She makes sleeping mats for them out of plastic bags. She visits the sick. She never misses Mass, even when she has a reason the Bear would consider more than sufficient for snoozing through the morning. She cooks wonderful meals, cleans and runs errands while the Bear pecks away in solitude at his dubious literary endeavors. Not only does she put up with a Bear as a husband, that Bear would blush beneath his fur to admit how she spoils him.
She always puts others ahead of herself. She's a doer of the Gospel, not just a hearer. She burns more calories in a week helping others than the Bear does in a year of pony-chasing. She probably burns more calories saying rosaries for Bear than that.
What's really weird is she has not read nor does she have an opinion about Amoris Laetitia and rarely mentions Pope Francis. The Bear is at a loss how she can be so virtuous without obsessing over the state of the Church.
You're probably thinking, "Oh, dear, the Bear is really in the doghouse and is trying to talk his way out of whatever horrible thing he's done."
Or, maybe, "Women aren't really more virtuous, their corruption is on the inside: spite, envy, jealousy, calumny and gossip with other women when men aren't around."
Or, even, "Well, sure, a woman is better than a Bear, but not a man."
The Bear would answer, no, pretty sure that's not true, and you might have a point. But not with Red Death. You can't be so consistently good on the outside while hiding spiritual decay on the inside. Not over four decades plus.
Helping others, domestic industry, and a tight shot group even with a short-barreled revolver, she is the living example of the Proverbs 31 woman.
But, then again, she's a woman.
The Bear sometimes suspects the "patriarchy" he learned about in his theology courses must have reversed the roles of Adam and Eve.
It seems far more likely there was no serpent, Adam picked the apple because he was hungry, and his wife went along so she would fall, too, and remain with him as a good example.
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