Frequently Asked Questions
Q: Are you really a Bear?
Q: Then how do you...
A: The Bear has had 1300 years of practice, so can out-human most humans.
Q: Were you really a lawyer?
A: Yes, the Bear spent most of his career defending citizens accused of crimes by their government.
Q: How can you do things like get a passport, or drivers license, or law license, for that matter?
A: The Bear has yet to find a rule saying, "this does not apply to Bears." Call it a technicality.
Q: Were you really in the Army, and also the Navy?
A: Yes. The Bear served in Operation Desert Storm. He held the rank of sergeant in the Army, and lieutenant in the Navy. The Bear enjoyed being a lieutenant better. His time in each branch was militarily undistinguished, although he played key roles in many prior conflicts in history.
Q: "Red Death," the goat farm, and family references -- true?
Q: Is this a parody site?
Q: Is this a serious commentary site?
Q: Then what is it?
A: That's a good question.
A: It is a creative matrix where Catholic facts and opinion co-exist with a rich and ever-evolving mythos of the Bear, all expressed through prose, satire, agitprop, serialized storytelling, short fiction, fables, song, film, shortwave radio broadcasts, intercepted diplomatic cables, and sometimes morse code. It began as a regular blog, but became An Entertainment for Discriminating Catholic Ladies and Gentlemen. The Bear hopes even his serious essays are enjoyable, but if not, next time you can watch him juggle a stick. That's the beauty of it.
Take that OnePeterFive.
Not the Bear. The Bear is a brown bear, ursus arctos.
Q: How do I know when you're being serious and when you're pulling some Bear prank?
A: When you visit this ephemeris, it is like entering an enchanted woodland. Most things are obvious. Occasionally, you might have to make your best guess. Things are sometimes not what they seem. The best advice the Bear can provide is to look at the context a questioned item appears in. Fact and fantasy are almost never combined in the same article. If something does not have a link, it may very well be a joke. Sometimes, even jokes are true, however. Most of the time, however, it is pretty obvious. To put it bluntly, the Bear is an accomplished forger.
Q: This sounds really confusing.
A: Indeed it does. Unlike most "blogs" you never know what you're going to get next.
Q: But I like to know what to expect.
A: Expect something different. Then again, not everyone's the Bear type.
Q: What's the reason for all this?
A: There's a lot of bad news. The Bear's clowning might mitigate it. Also, it keeps him from becoming bored and quitting. Bears easily lose interest.
Q: What is an "ephemeris?"
A: A word to replace the vulgar "blog." It means fleeting, which is perfect for what we do. An article may last a day or two, then it's buried in the archives, never to be seen again. The Bear has given up hope of it catching on.
Q: What is "salmon?"
A: Money that people donate to support this unique production by providing material and moral support. It is easy to give the Bear salmon via convenient PayPal buttons on the sidebar. The Bear is very grateful to those who donate. Think of salmon as the reward a performing Bear is tossed when he performs his trick.
Q: What kind of Catholic are you?
A: The Catholic kind.
Q: Are you a --
Q: Why do you hate Pope Francis so much?
A: It is manifestly true that Pope Francis is a threat to Catholicism. But the Bear does not hate him. The Bear used to spend many careful words criticizing him in creatively snarky ways. He's not proud of it. Since the Bear has concluded Pope Francis is irrelevant to the Bear, he is less angry.
Q: Why should anyone take someone who thinks they're a Bear seriously?
A: Would you want to not take seriously a man who thought he was a Bear? But see first question and answer. You will enjoy this ephemeris more if you always take the Bear seriously, even the fun bits, but recognize when he's pulling your leg.