Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Who's Really the April Fool?

This is April Fools Day, and Mark Shea has a hilarious piece on Pope Francis authorizing a "Disney Mass." This is based on the reaction to other hilarious blog articles about a new "ecumenical missal."

To understand why these jokes are so very, very hilarious is that some silly people have taken the more serious-sounding jokes seriously. So, a really clever blogger like Mark Shea can make fun of these silly people by taking it to the extreme, and writing an April Fools piece satirizing the hysteria these articles produce in foolish Catholics who are too dumb to get the joke.

The Bear wonders what is funny about the fact that many Catholics could read about a new "ecumenical missal" in the works and not see any reason to think it is a prank. After all, its not like liturgical abuse hasn't really happened. It's not like the Church is not infatuated with ecumenism. Why wouldn't you think it could be real?

So, the Bear offers some of his own April Fool jokes, although they might not be as hilarious as Mark Shea's "Disney Mass."

  • April 1, 1968: the liturgical committee at St. Mary's Church in Madison, Wisconsin announces they have decided to destroy the beautiful baroque altar, take a sledgehammer to the marble rail and set up a table. Everybody laughs.
  • April 1, 1980: a priest in Fargo says that from now on, everyone must grab the Host in their own hands instead of receiving Him on the tongue. Everybody laughs. "Good one, Father." When he says the broom closet has been turned into a "Eucharistic Chapel" people literally roll in the aisles. 
  • April 1, 1986: plans are read for an interreligious conference in Assisi, Italy that include placing a statue of Buddha over the tabernacle of St. Peter's church. Hilarity ensues.
  • April 1, 2014: a Mass with Wiccan elements in the "Native American tradition" is proudly celebrated at a major Church conference. There are scattered polite laughs, but the joke has been done to death now.

That's all, because the Bear doesn't want you to hurt yourself laughing, and any joke carried on too long grows tiresome. These things never happened, nor clown Masses, nor cowboy Masses, nor dancing girls, or any of the crazy things reported at the outrageously hilarious Catholic satire site here. Yet conservatives continue to get suckered in and become hysterical.

Frankly, it makes us look bad and gives Mark Shea an excuse to make fun of us in totally hilarious ways.

Remember, you can always tell something completely ridiculous from the truth by looking at the date of the article. If it is April 1, it's probably a joke. Otherwise, it's true. The Bear wished he had a better method, but, unfortunately, it's the only way.

Here are some Photoshopped prank pictures to help you laugh some more.

Collections hit an all-time high LOL. Fake.

Yeah, right, like this could ever happen.. Obviously faked.

"Just clowning around." LOL. Fake. Look: Jesus isn't even nailed to the cross!

Chief say, "How!" Could anyone believe this actually happened? Faker than an F Troop Indian.

Tiki church in Dresden. Sure it is. "Volcano god angry!" LOL.

Do you see a Giant Rabbit? I don't, Jimmy Stewart. LOL.

And, finally, one of the Bear's favorites! This hoax has been making the rounds of the internet for years, and has been exposed many times as a joke, but still dumb Catholics see it and get all up in arms about "liturgical abuse." How anyone could -- sorry, but it must be said -- be stupid enough to fall for it is beyond belief. People use your heads. There is not a priest in the world who would participate in travesties like these, nor a bishop who would tolerate them. If any of them were real, the Vatican would have made an example of the perps and put a stop to them long ago. 

Seriously? Giant Puppets? Relax and get a sense of humor.

So for the gullible Catholics who seem to have forgotten how the Church really does things, watch this and take comfort. This is the Church, and it hasn't changed. Honest Injun! LOL.


  1. Devastating, Bear. Devastating, and deserving of a very wide audience.

  2. I agree. I'm hoping for double digits on this one LOL.

  3. just. so. spot. on.

    I just found this site...already one my favorites. Don't know who the bear is, but he's very, very bright :):):)

  4. Thank you, Susan. I hope you join our merry band here. The Bear's story is summarized in "Further Adventures of St. Corbinians Bear" if you want to know who he is. And Jane, you are eerily prophetic!


Moderation is On.

Featured Post

Judging Angels Chapter 1 Read by Author

Quick commercial for free, no-strings-attached gift of a professionally produced audio book of Judging Angels, Chapter 1: Last Things, read...