Wednesday, December 17, 2014

If the Church Ran Your World...

If the Post-Vatican II Church ran your world...

You would live in an unadorned barn, the largely empty space echoing with amateur recordings of showtunes.

Your kitchen table would be... just the same as it is now. At every meal all the neighbors would be invited in to help serve.

Conjugal relations would subsist in the broader society of marriage, and members outside of yours would nonetheless enjoy certain privileges flowing therefrom. (Your guess is as good as the Bear's, but it sounds weird.)

Policemen would come and make a bonfire of all your books and belongings from before 1965. You would go to work in a tie-dyed suit.

English would be banned. You would be required to speak Esperanto. Actually, anything but English.

The previous president would be confusingly called Mr. President, and he would continue living in the White House.

The Supreme Court would issue a new opinion every week. In anagrams. No one would figure out what they meant before the next one came out, but there would be lots of heated discussion.

Half your kids would disappear overnight. You might see some of them Christmas and Easter.

Just when you think you had things figured out, Germans would change everything somehow.


  1. This was absolutely brilliant!

    I only wish I had the spiritual energy to come up with a few additions for you...alas, getting to Mass is taking everything out of me...I'm afraid to read the days headlines.

  2. This is brilliant Bear. Merry Christmas to you and yours!


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