Wednesday, February 24, 2016

March Pope Video Anxiously Awaited

It's that time again: the much-anticipated new Pope Video for March is just around the corner. Because "of Francis, there is never enough." The intentions are:

Universal: Families in Difficulty

That families in need may receive the necessary support and that children may grow up in healthy and peaceful environments.

Evangelization: Persecuted Christians

That those Christians who, on account of their faith, are discriminated against or are being persecuted, may remain strong and faithful to the Gospel, thanks to the incessant prayer of the Church.

Evil North American Capitalist

The Bear can envision all sorts of ways these could go bad. Perhaps the first one will simply feature Pope Francis mugging a banker, then walking through the slums of Buenos Aires handing out wads of money to people. They could squeeze some global warming and arms manufacturing in there, too.

The second is very tricky, since practically the exclusive persecutors of Christians in the world today are Muslims. So the Bear predicts this is going to be pretty generic, with the ravaged faces of the elderly, and some Africans in vague distress. Maybe he's got a picture from his meeting with Kim Davis. What the Bear guarantees you won't see are Christians waiting to be beheaded by ISIS.

Chime in with your own predictions, but be quick, it could come out any day now.


  1. I gave up Francis videos for Lent.

  2. Utubeo, you might want to reconsider that. Consider the mortification value of subjecting yourself to these things!

    1. It's a sin to place oneself in the near occasion of sin without a just cause.


  3. His face, boy. When I see it, that rictus of a smile, I feel something wicked this way comes.

  4. I think we can be sure of a few things:

    1. None of it will have anything to do with being Catholic.
    2. None of it will be helpful.
    3. All of it will be critical of our culture from a secular point of view.
    4. The words God, Christ or Jesus will not appear.
    5. I it will sound like something coming forth from the United Nations.
    6. It will be socialistic.
    7. Very few will pay any attention to it.
    8. It will have strong production values (professionally done and expensive.)
    9. It will be boring.
    10. It will nothing to do with the truth.

  5. To help families in 'difficulty' we have to look for solutions such as those once provided by one of Italy's finest, Emma Bonino!

    1. Pope praised a radical Italian politician as "one of the great ones of Italy." She was an abortionist who murdered more than 10,000 children in 1975 alone, according to Gloria TV. (That's 27 every day, including Sundays, the Bear notes, so, he's not sure about that, but at any rate it's a lot.) When a journalist observed that she did not share Catholic values, the Pope answered, "Whatever, you have to look at the person, and what they do."

      He may not have known about her history, and was just impressed with her Leftism. One would think Fr. Lombardi might find his forked tongue to distance the Pope from the child-murderer, but -- let's admit it -- radical politics trumps topics that "we do not need to talk about all the time."

    2. Francis, "Whatever, you have to look at the
      person, and what they do."

      Francis has a soft spot for butchers.

      ***Emma Bonino, butcher of children, fearless, embracing the flames of your evil that burns up children, burns up the commandments, burns up God's presence, your fire and damage to God's world is short while your flame is cast into the pit to burn unceasingly in its naked form. Repent and turn your fire against God to one who is united to his flame. Heaven and hell both have a bonfire, one that scorches and one that blesses.

  6. Maybe the creative types could make some videos of their own...that would be fun!
    I wish I was better at technology...but alas.

    1. The Bear has the expertise (being a professional broadcaster, just like Michael Voris) but he devotes a lot of his waking hours to this ephemeris as it is, not that it shows.

    2. So, can any Catholic off the street have an ephemeris or does one need a certificate or degree in that sort of thing?

    3. You have to be a professional journalist with real-world experience I hear.

  7. Bear had it included in the story with an account of his period on a Bolshevik agitprop train in 1917. This is a leaked copy of the March Pope Video 3. An animated short running 10 minutes, very trippy, with a shocking ending.

    1. So that this adventure may not be lost to posterity, the Bear appends here it as a brief footnote, as it possesses some, if not value, at least curiosity of a historical nature.

      By the 20th century, the Bear's days as an illiterate animal living in the forest were long behind him. For obvious reasons, he seldom mixed openly with humans, however. The new century found him back in his native Germany. His timing could not have been worse. WWI caught him by surprise. He retreated to his old familiar turf around Munich, although he had long been merely a pious legend at St. Corbinian's old abbey. In 1916, he travelled east, with the vague idea of availing himself of the famous Russian fondness for Bears at St. Petersburg, far from the front. But having surprised a group of German riflemen, the Bear was forced to speak (in flawless, if heavily accented German, his trilled R's betraying his Bavarian origins) to save his skin. Countless times, a cordial "Good afternoon, sir, please don't shoot me" has saved the Bear, but always at a price.

      The Bear was handed up the German chain of command until some officer decided a talking Bear would be just the thing to cure General Ludendorff's melancholia. The Bear thought the commander of the Eastern Front was an eccentric, if not a loon, but the General found endless entertainment in our conversations.

      Some time had passed when Ludendorff gave me a secret mission of great importance. I was flattered; remember I was technically a German, and was glad to provide a service to my country. Of course, it being a Ludendorff mission, it was completely insane. I was to travel to Switzerland, kidnap, under cover of darkness Vladimir Lenin, and take him to a train to be transported to Russia, where Ludendorff expected him to destabilize the country, removing Russia from the war.

      Lenin was easily persuaded to accompany the Bear (poorly disguised as a large, hairy man) to the train. He was my prisoner, and the 31 other Russians (among them Lenin's wife, who was, if anything, more Red than Lenin himself) had to live the the fact that they were trapped on a train with a Bear. I spent many long hours in cordial conversation with Lenin who was delighted to spread his errors (as he thought) to the animal kingdom. The Bear recognized the danger of his doctrine at once, and considered disobeying orders and biting him to death.

      We went through Sweden, and Finland, and finally arrived in Petrograd (formerly and currently St. Petersburg). The Bear's mission was over. History informs us that Ludendorff's plan succeeded beyond his most terrible nightmare. It does not record the Bear's role, of course.

      And that is how the Bear established Communism in the world.

    2. The Bear shall continue this easter egg, with little expectation that anyone shall read it.

      I neglected to mention to Lenin, or anyone else, that I was a German agent, instead vaguely alluding to "certain revolutionary interests." While Lenin was suspicious (I am a Bear, remember), the proof was in the pudding, so to speak. I was fulfilling Lenin's destiny.

      After his stirring speech upon arrival, I was named a Hero of the Bolshevik Revolution. I secretly sat for a portrait, which was hung in various official buildings of decreasing importance as time passed. (I think it wound up in a London gallery.)

      Sadly, I did not get a medal to hang around my neck, what with things just getting off the ground and no medals having been manufactured. Ironically, the Bear much later learned he also received the Iron Cross, 2nd Class. That was disappointing. You would think taking the whole country of Russia out of the way single-handedly would have worth the Blue Max. But as the only agent, as far as I know, who received medals from both Germany and Revolutionary Russia in the same war, perhaps they cancel each other out.

      Lenin offered me a job in the Cheka, but I knew that was no place for a Catholic Bear. I asked if there might be a position where my revolutionary zeal might be put to good use on the propaganda front. Fortunately, Lenin thought that was an excellent idea, which brings us to the point, such as it is, of this lengthy footnote.

      The Bolsheviks made a couple of agitprop trains, the idea being to bring the ideas behind the revolution to the people. Think of it as a boring circus where people had to watch bizarre short animations (like the linked to) and hear lectures about sexually transmitted diseases.

      They really needed the Bear, and, being the veteran showman that he was, he came through. In fact, I'm sure that after we pulled out of the station, the people were not talking about Marxism-Leninism, but the Bear's performance. In his own way, the Bear was among the first counter-revolutionaries, undermining the Bolsheviks by doing exactly what they wanted him to.

      All good things come to an end. And bad ones, too. Communism ended, but it would be a long time yet. The government had bigger problems on its hands than Bears on trains. Russia was in full-scale civil war.

      Our train was ordered back to Petrograd, being needed to carry troops. However, I persuaded the engineer that we must bring the glorious revolution to benighted souls in Siberia. Anyone who disagreed with I simply pitched off the moving train. Bears can be persuasive like that.

      The Bear's adventures were not over. He would join Admiral Kolchak and the White Russians against the Reds. But that is another story.

  8. I predict it will be a game of "Find the Cross" again. He will cover it by his raised papers (ever heard of a Teleprompter, Francis?) or it will be hidden by the raised writing platform of his desk like last time. Take your pick. Or maybe they will come up with a novel way to hide the cross. It's all about being ecumenical, you know.

    1. Maybe he could sit before an enormous plate of pasta, wearing a large napkin tucked in at his throat.

    2. Excellent idea, Mr. Bear, because it serves the purpose and allows him to multi-task!

  9. It might be too much to hope for a photo or two of the Little Sisters of the Poor. Now, that I can predict will NOT be in the video.

    We should expect homosexual "families" in the video. Perhaps happy Christian bakers making cakes with 2 women or 2 men on top.

    1. Based on the previous Pope Videos, there will probably be the unoriginal montage of faces carefully chosen to present maximum diversity of race, age and religion. This is favorite of Democrat television commercials, and for the same purpose: to demonstrate the tolerance of the candidate to other SJWs.

    2. Do you think they'd find some Muslim baker to make a homosexual cake? Or maybe a Jewish deli where the lunch special is a bacon cheeseburger?

  10. I got it! I have a bootleg of the video for next month. It's perfect. It's the obvious answer.

    Donald Draper was reportedly getting drunk finding out his work had been stolen.

    1. No, that's not it. Too much Catholic content.


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