BREAKING: For the first time in history, reporters find people to say they are distressed by the negative rhetoric of the campaigns.
"The first president I voted for was Jimmy Carter" said Jefferson Peabody, a voter in Richmond, Virginia. "Back then candidates respected one another. You didn't have all this negativity. And ever since, right up to this election, you never heard a harsh word. Campaigns were kind, peaceful. Now they even have what they call these 'attack ads.' I don't understand it. I didn't vote for any of them. I voted for Fred Rogers. And I know he's dead."
Political experts are mostly at a loss to explain why candidates have taken to criticizing each other for the first time in political history.
One well-known political commentator has quit his job at Fox News in disgust. "I just can't take it," he told SCB News on the condition of anonymity. "It's nasty. Nobody likes it. And it doesn't work. We have had fifty-six presidential elections. All of them were models of decorum and kindness. I don't understand why the candidates have gone negative in the fifty-seventh. And this is just the primary. Why can't everybody just get along?"
Another commentator, speaking under the same conditions, blamed Donald Trump. "The man is a subhuman. He's coarse. Crass. Did I say coarse? He's single-handedly cheapening the whole process. Eviscerating Marco Rubio with a Gurkha knife onstage at the last debate was just over the top. And do we really want a president who promises to use nuclear weapons against Mexican immigrants and has picked David Duke as his running mate? He's an amateur. We need a seasoned, establishment Republican candidate that the people can trust to bring real change to Washington."
In a related story, a recent nationwide poll showed a majority of registered Republicans are "dissatisfied with the Republican establishment," for the very first time. "This is blockbuster news," Richard Price, an independent political consultant who frequently appears on ABC news, said. "Republican rank and file were enthusiastic about Dole and McCain, both of whom were not only establishment, but of advanced age and moderate. And Republican congressional leadership has not been afraid to take the battle to President Obama. Why voters have suddenly lost confidence in the Republican establishment for the first time is a mystery."
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