Saturday, May 7, 2016

Pope Accepts Charlemagne Prize, Tar Baby Alert System Success

For Immediate Release
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Pope Francis Tar Baby Alert System's First Operational Success

The first operational test of the Pope Francis Tar Baby Alert System (TBAS) took place today as the Pontiff accepted The Charlemagne Prize. TBAS detected the award ceremony and determined it defied any rational explanation. TBAS analysis warned that any attempt to write about it carried an extreme risk of completely wasting time, with only a small irony yield.

Br'er Rabbit & Tar Baby
TBAS was developed after Pope Francis released Amoris Laetitia, which wasted vast amounts of time by ephemerists, who attempted to treat it as the product of coherent, rational thought. In reality, the document defied analysis. It was literally a waste of time to read it. The code-name "Tar Baby" was assigned to any phenomenon involving Pope Francis which is devoid of rational content and, thus, a complete waste of time.

The original Tar Baby was described in an Uncle Remus story in 1881. It was a doll coated in tar designed to trap Br'er Rabbit by sticking to him. The more Br'er Rabbit wrestled with the Tar Baby, the more stuck he became.

TBAS intelligence is shared with the entire community of Catholic ephemerists as a free service of St. Corbinian's Bear ephemeris.



  1. Brilliant and fills a need. Your mind works in novel ways.

    This certainly is a tar baby moment. Amoris Laetitia not so much because it was the defining moment when this papacy went off the rails and THAT should have been shouted from every rooftop! I'm still reading about its squalor. It's hard to look away.

    1. Amoris Laetitia was the mother of all Tar Babies. Now, with TBAS operational, we would have been warned and advised of specific threats to the faith without having to pretend the bulky tome was anything but padding to defeat a good-faith close look.

      I know it's hard to get away from a Tar Baby. But the more you engage, the stucker you get. If you are unable to detach yourself, seek help from someone experienced in Tar Baby removal.

  2. I would like to report that the TBAS was successful in this neck of the woods. The Excedrin bottle remains on the shelf and there is one less thing to mention in Confession.

    Getting tar out of fur or feathers? Baring a human with access to solvents and clippers, you don't. Roll around in the dirt and dust to cake it up and eventually the tared up skin/hair will fall out and then regrow.

    In other words, if you get stuck and driven to get yourself stuck more through anger and frustration, use the dust of the Desert Fathers and cake it in there really good. The general clear message of humility, and focus on one's own sins rather than others will allow one to break free.

    Video Idea -- Montage of people getting stuck to papal tar babies and then getting unstuck. This is done to a bearish rendition of "Let it Go".

  3. Past tense of tar is tarred. Let's nip incorrect spelling in the bud. This is a quality operation.

    1. Now, now, make allowances for typos in a non-correctable combox.


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