Monday, June 27, 2016

BREAKING: Pope Says Nutty Stuff In Airplane



For those of you who are still interested in Francis' Papal Mile High Club comments (get your mind out of the gutter), you can read them from Julie at Connecticut Catholic Corner.  The Bear couldn't care less.  He did think it hilarious, however, that the Turks were auto-yammering about Francis the Crusader.  Fortunately, the West is not the only part of the world losing touch with reality, although Islam has seldom been within shouting distance.

Apparently, the Church needs to do some more apologizing.  Ah, yes.  Because nothing makes a person feel better about themselves than apologizing for junk they had nothing to do with.  Big man. The Bear hereby apologizes for the final episode of LOST.  No, really.

The Bear's interest in aviation will be well-known to readers.  He has received confirmation from an Alitalia Airbus pilot who wishes to remain anoymous, that it is a tradition among captains of Pope Francis' airplanes to raise the cabin altitude to induce hypoxia whenever Pope Francis speaks.  Bragging rights go to whichever flight crew can get him get him to say the stupidest things.

Another mystery solved.

12 comments:

  1. The hypoxia angle might not be entirely satire. Airliners don't set actually set cabin pressure to ground level, but at 7000 ft. Hypoxia effects can start as low as 5000 ft.

    Francis is operating on half lung capacity, and therefore would be a candidate for the earliest effects. It may be no coincidence that he makes the wackiest statements during flight interviews.

    Since we are supposed to attribute the most charitable explanation to a person's interior motives for an action (the authentic meaning of "don't judge"), I've maintained that the most charitable explanation for Francis is that due to lack of lung capacity, he is brain-damaged from long term capacity-induced oxygen deprivation. Movement from that explanation leads to greater culpability the further one departs from it.

    As an aside, were one to be cynical, it may be no coincidence that Marx floated the subject first in Ireland, thus providing the opportunity for Francis to weigh in as a response to an expected question by a reporter. But you'd have to be cynical to tie those together.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If that were the case, he'd come to his senses when he reached ground level again, and would retract his idiotic mid-air ramblings. Or he'd recognize the dangerous pattern, like a man with allergies who knows what will happen if he gets a beesting, and he'd take evasive action, like refusing to give interviews while flying. This never happens, so I don't believe it's an honest excuse. I won't give the benefit of the doubt to someone if it requires me to lie.

      Delete
  2. It may seem unprofessional - like the great Monty Python airliner sketch - but as a frequent flier of Alitalia it always seemed that on the ground at least Alitalia pilots taxied like Italians drive. I swear they all want horns for their airplanes. Maybe not Ryanair, but, ;-)

    Now we just need an explanation for what he says on the ground.

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  3. From now on, all flights for pope to be 5000' above sea level at same cabin altitude, adjustments to be made to stay minimum 2500 ft. AGL. Yeah, it will take longer and burn fuel like a drag strip racer, and altitude rules must be suspended, but the pressers will not contain nonsense.

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  4. I just want to take the time to say thank you.

    Finally.


    Some one takes responsibility for the lame final episode of LOST.

    I can now let it go.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Whoa, there! I didn't take responsibility! I just apologized. There's a big difference! Apology is a cheap gesture. Taking responsibility is something else entirely.

      But if it helps a single LOST fan to get over the PTSD caused by that huge let-down, then the Bear is glad to apologize. For something he had nothing to do with.

      Delete
  5. The photo of Francis posted on today's Vatican Insider article is hilarious, with F. Lombardi at his left shoulder, a mixed look of horror and disbelief on his face.

    ReplyDelete
  6. LOST... I feel like we are all on that island and little is making sense these days! Someone get the lever and turn back time before the black smoke devours us all!!! ;)

    Thanks for the shout-out. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah, good memories. I was the biggest LOST fanatic of them all. I thought JJ Abrams would actually tie everything together coherently and explain all the mysteries.

      JJ Abrams is the golden boy today, the go-to guy whenever a franchise needs to be re-booted. Wait... I am having an idea...

      Delete
    2. Huge LOST fan here too! I re-watch the first 3 seasons about once a year! :) Those were the best in my opinion.
      JJ Abrams- awesome! I enjoyed 'Fringe' too, but that got a little too weird for me.

      Delete
  7. Airplane story. I was flying military from Rota, Spain to Valencia. It was probably a C-9, the military version of the venerable DC-9 and a favorite of the Navy, at least in those days. We got an announcement from the flight deck that too much fuel had been loaded on by mistake. (?) Anyway clearance had been obtained to fly at an altitude of 10,000 feet to burn it off. I got a spectacular low-level tour of Spain. (Airplanes are much more fuel efficient at high altitudes.)

    Now, why they needed to burn the fuel off instead of just tankering it, I have no idea. Unless they would have been over-heavy for landing, which just occurred to me after all these years. That has to be it.

    The Navy pilots were all those lieutenants who didn't get to fly F-18s, and, as a passenger you could tell. I recall an interesting dive-bomb descent to Chania, Crete that had everything not tied down sliding to the forward bulkhead.

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  8. Fringe fan here as well. Just getting into it on Netflix.

    Seattle Kim

    ReplyDelete

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