Tuesday, February 6, 2018

Hottest Pope Video Ever!



T and A Where "T" = "Thighs;" "A" You Know

Hey, guys, you do not want to miss this month's PSA (Papal Service Announcement). Check out the rear end and thighs on that chick in the miniskirt bending down to talk through the car window. The hot B-roll starts (that's right) 14 sex, er, secs in.

Rawr!

The Bear heartily approves of the eye candy in the latest PSA and is confident it will boost sagging ratings. By next February's PSA, the Bear expects some real Game of Thrones sex.


By the Way, What are We Supposed to Be Praying For?

Oh, yeah. So, what is this month's PSA about?

Jorge takes on the Mafia. Sort of. 

The Bear knows this only because of the brief shot of the monument to Giovanni Falcone on the A29 to Palermo. He was an anti-Mafia prosecutor whose car was blown up on May 23, 1992 by the Corleonesi Mafia. 

It is a true fact that the Bear and his mother missed the assassination by mere minutes. The Bear was driving her to Palermo to see the sights. (The sights in Palermo were much more edifying than the ones in this PSA, in case you're wondering.)

The Bear must take away two salmon of five, however, and give it a three-salmon rating due to the lack of action. A scene of Jorge Bergoglio pumping a smoking Remington 12-gauge one-handed while saying "Hasta la vista, Baby," as he blows away Mafiosi would have been welcome. Even GoT does not rely on sex alone, but has impressive battle scenes.

You're going to tell Bear the Pope can't afford those? Imagine Pope Francis riding a dragon and toasting Michael Corleone's Lake Tahoe hideout. Imagine him emerging from the burning hut as Father of- 

On second thought, don't imagine that. Oh, dear, you already did. Sorry.

By the way, did that Vatican banking scandal about laundering Mafia money ever get resolved to everyone's satisfaction?


Mafia Causes Global Warming and Capitalism

The Bear would be remiss not to alert his hibernating friend Oakes Spalding over at Mahound's Paradise of the presence of a black person in this video, although granted it was during the voice-over about "slavery." The Bear thinks he is keeping count. If so, he is not yet on the digits of his second paw.

"Corruption," by which we are to understand "the Mafia," is responsible for unemployment, slavery, and "disregard for nature and goods held in common."

How the Pope missed "loneliness of the elderly" the Bear does not know.

So, just say "no" to the Mafia.

But, say "si" to the eye candy, guys. It's a Pope Video. It's okay.

19 comments:

  1. "By the way, did that Vatican banking scandal about laundering Mafia money ever get resolved to everyone's satisfaction?"

    PF was VERY satisfied! Who else matters!

    BTW, did you notice the Saxophone player was missing?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The Bear did catch a glimpse of Saxophone Man. He was in the guy in the car. Some sultry saxophone music during the scene that starts 14 seconds in would have been better.

      Delete
  2. That's some editing, eh, right after the Pope's first appearance. I wonder, who was the editor and whose idea it was? - Not to mention that generalized dilettantism of the entire thing.

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    Replies
    1. How is this video awful? Let Bear count the ways. No, he doesn't have time. But...

      First of all, who in their right mind would expose Catholic men, many of whom struggle with pornography these days, to an image like that in a "prayer intention" video? That is not just "generic prostitution" stock film. It is a lingering shot of an attractive woman bending over in a really short, tight skirt that barely covers her as her naked thighs move in a highly suggestive setting.

      Furthermore, Bear understands there is a "sliding scale" of eroticism for human males. What you expect from GoT may not be as "interesting" as when you are blindsided by something much milder from an unexpected source. See Bear's rants about immodesty of dress at Mass. That is pretty damned unexpected in a Pope Video, although why anything should surprise Bear by now he cannot say.

      Then there is a principle in film that goes something like when you show something after a shot of a character the audience assumes the character is seeing it. Here, we have the streetwalker after the Pope. Then, even dopier, if possible, we have the Pope apparently receiving a briefcase of bribe money.

      Whoever is making these stupid videos should add the filmmaking term "continuity" to their vocabulary.

      Coincidence the money is U.S. currency?

      Glad someone found the "burning celluloid" transition in their video editing software. What fun, huh? Audiences can't get enough of that kind of thing, can they?

      The formulaic "uplifting" second half just makes no sense. Bear's attention had wandered and when he looked up at the end, he thought a small plane was crashing, maybe a Mafia drug-smuggling airplane. He is not joking.

      Of all the things Pope Francis has done, ruining prayer intentions and portraying Christianity as all about social issues (he is supposed to be the leading figure among Christians, after all, and many outside the Church still take him as such) with these idiotic "Pope Videos" is the most damnable. Amorous Laetitia is inside baseball without much cultural impact. These godless Pope Videos officially demote Christianity from a religion to another worldly humanitarian NGO.

      There is a time and manner for Christianity to address social concerns. It must be done organically, as an expression of Christian charity. The Pope Videos are worse than sterile. They are literally diabolical.

      What an unholy mess.

      Delete
    2. That was one minute of my life that I'm not going to get back, watching the thing. It's so bad, I don't even know where to begin. And I'm not talking about the moralistic point of view, here; just from a film standpoint. Not even a beginning high school film student would create such a mess. Heck, they should give the job to me - I'd produce something of better quality than that thing.

      Delete
    3. Bear thinks he'll start making "The Bear Video." Just shoot some B-roll, set up a camera to speak into and edit it for the edification of the masses.

      Yes they should give you that lucrative Pope Video contract. Then you could find a way to cut me in for a percentage. You could Hand Bear U.S. Currency in a Tight Shot. Seriously, Bear wonders how much whoever is doing those awful things are milking the Vatican for? You can bet it's some of his Argentinian cronies.

      P.S. If you have not seen Pillars of the Earth yet, do check it out, readers. Marcelle made a wonderful four-minute film with the Bear narrating.

      Delete
    4. Whoops. Sorry. My brain is in no mood to worry about details now, if you know what I mean.

      Delete
  3. The "Love Theme" from Blade Runner is especially saxophoney.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Just saw the new one and re-watched the original final truly really director's cut, which is the best, imho.

      Delete
    2. I haven't picked the new on up yet. Hopefully soon. I'm a traditionalist. (Surprised?) I still like the first studio released version with the voice over.

      Delete
  4. I notice the hands that exchange that evil money the Church is always reminding us we need to give them are white, white hands to white hands. Yup, white hands are the only evil hands today, or ever. Sorry Mozart, you did nothin worth anything. None of the rest of you whitey's in history either. Dumb hicks used to call all that progress and culture. Now it's all racism, unless somebody of color thinks of it.
    Hey he's praying for an end to corruption by those who hold political power, so he's praying against himself. I thought Satan could not be divided against Satan?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mozart. Did a requiem that wasn't too bad iirc. One Chopin ballade is worth his entire catalogue. So's the Tristan Chord by Wagner, for that matter.

      It's brown hands when it comes to receiving, though, which is a bit insulting to all non-white people on the face of the Earth, seems to Bear, since they seem to be as capable as anyone in his experience. The Nurse who painlessly draws his blood on a regular basis is Black and his internist is Asian.

      Perhaps Bears see people like people see Bears: one Bear is much the same as another. It is a little-known fact that Bears classify people not by race, which they do not understand at all, but by the color of their fur. Up until a few years ago, the Bear could not tell the difference between Asians and Blacks. It's true.

      Delete
    2. P.S. YOU ALL TASTE LIKE CHICKEN.

      Delete
  5. Stop. You are tempting me to watch the pope video, while I am trying to maintain my record of having viewed only the first one.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He didn't make it for you, Patti, unless... you know.

      Delete

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