So, please take this test to see if you should keep reading. For every YES, give yourself a point. At the end please total your score see if you are a
BEARISH HUMAN. (All questions apply to the past three months).
- I have been incapacitated by sleep to the degree that I was unable to fulfill my religious obligations.
- I have growled at 70 decibels or louder. (For comparison, that is the sound of an average vacuum cleaner).
- I have willfully spent an evening binge-watching a TV series to the exclusion of my reading of Holy Scripture and/or prayers. (Add 3 if it was Game of Thrones.)
- I have failed to avert my eyes from a delicious pony*.
- I have used more than two plates (total) at any buffet** OR asked, "Are you going to eat that?"
- I have used one of the seven dirty words in relation to any Roman Catholic Bishop.
- I have walked out during a homily, even if it was for the protection of others.
- I have performed other "church theater," e.g. removing the bowls of empty or sand-filled holy water stoups during Lent and turning them upside down with a puzzle expression on my face.
- I have avoided gainful employment by shameless panhandling.
- I have slacked off during Lentblogging by resorting to lame gimmicks when I realized I have not prepared a new article.
**"plate" meaning the normal quantity of food carried by one plate; precision food engineering to attain greater than rated plate-loads counts as at least two plates
0-2 = SAINT by Bear Standards. You have no further need of Bear.
3-4 = Possible Bear Tendencies that bear watching.
5-6 = If you are not yet a Bearish Human, you are in immediate danger of becoming one.
7-8 = You have an advanced case of Bearishness that must receive intensive treatment.
9-10 = You are not just a Bearish Human, YOU ARE A BEAR and should stay here among your own kind.