Wednesday, February 28, 2018

Lentblogging Day 16 - Are You a Bearish Human? Take the Test!

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The Bear's special apostolate is to Bearish Humans. He does not wish to waste precious, er, resources by going outside this highly limited ministry for which he has been anointed.

So, please take this test to see if you should keep reading. For every YES, give yourself a point. At the end please total your score see if you are a

BEARISH HUMAN. (All questions apply to the past three months).

  1. I have been incapacitated by sleep to the degree that I was unable to fulfill my religious obligations.
  2. I have growled at 70 decibels or louder. (For comparison, that is the sound of an average vacuum cleaner).
  3. I have willfully spent an evening binge-watching a TV series to the exclusion of my reading of Holy Scripture and/or prayers. (Add 3 if it was Game of Thrones.)
  4. I have failed to avert my eyes from a delicious pony*.
  5. I have used more than two plates (total) at any buffet** OR asked, "Are you going to eat that?"
  6. I have used one of the seven dirty words in relation to any Roman Catholic Bishop.
  7. I have walked out during a homily, even if it was for the protection of others.
  8. I have performed other "church theater," e.g. removing the bowls of empty or sand-filled holy water stoups during Lent and turning them upside down with a puzzle expression on my face.
  9. I have avoided gainful employment by shameless panhandling.
  10. I have slacked off during Lentblogging by resorting to lame gimmicks when I realized I have not prepared a new article.
__________
*or whatever

**"plate" meaning the normal quantity of food carried by one plate; precision food engineering to attain greater than rated plate-loads counts as at least two plates

SCORE:

0-2 = SAINT by Bear Standards. You have no further need of Bear.
3-4 = Possible Bear Tendencies that bear watching.
5-6 = If you are not yet a Bearish Human, you are in immediate danger of becoming one.
7-8 = You have an advanced case of Bearishness that must receive intensive treatment.
9-10 = You are not just a Bearish Human, YOU ARE A BEAR and should stay here among your own kind.

5 comments:

  1. Even in retreating to the desert as to avoid social media, I found myself tempted this morning to all seven words in relation to a bishop from the Bluegrass State.

    ReplyDelete
  2. "Possible Bear Tendencies that bear watching"

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ignoring my score, i profit greatly from Bear's writings, and i was no saint.

    ReplyDelete
  4. ls always resorts to lame gimmicks so that's a given, but doesn't understand what's so bad about #8? ls once chunked every copy of Matthew Kelly's books in the church can, and then blamed it on the janitor.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I scored 32........on question #6 alone. Guess I need to keep reading.

    ReplyDelete

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