Thursday, March 1, 2018

Lentblogging Day 17- The Rosary According to Bears

This is Your Bear on Rosaries

"Advice" is too strong a word for anything said by a Bear, except, maybe, "RAWR!" We'll call these haphazard daily observations during Lent, um, "observations."

Most of these observations have been practical. The Bear figures you are getting spiritual nourishment from some legitimate source. (Okay, Woodland Creatures, settle down; Bear heard the jokes). By "legitimate," Bear means time-tested truths of the ancient faith, whether from the original source or faithfully passed on by later witnesses.

He has spoken more than once about the Liturgy of the Hours, because that is the centerpiece of Benedictine prayer. However, today, he wants to say something about the rosary.

The Bear will let you in on a secret. He does not happen to be a fan of private revelations. The use to which even approved private revelations is put belongs to individual Catholics. As for pious tales, they make a point, but who knows if all of them are history? If you find some irony in that coming from a 1300-year-old talking Bear, congratulations.

There are many old stories and, frankly, a few extravagant claims, connected with the signature Catholic prayer of the rosary. The Bear leaves judgment of those up to each of his readers.

Even Better than Yoga!

Aside from that, however, the Bear will say this:

Done properly, the rosary is a brilliant and effective method of meditation that is superior to vaunted Eastern or other esoteric techniques in sophistication, results and safety. Five decades is the perfect length for today's attention spans. It combines a short but varied repertoire of verbal repetition and physical activity with visualizations to which generations of Catholics have contributed to the Aether, Spiritus Mundi, Astral Plane, Collective Unconscious and/or Communion of the Saints, whichever floats your barque.

It is a complete experience that combines the fingers, the voice, the memory, the imagination and prayer. It is one of the last survivors of the ars memoriae in our wiki-age.

At worst, it will make you healthier. As the Huffington Post reports, a study published in the British Medical Journal says it's as good for your heart as yoga.

So much for Jesoga. (Link to Fr. Z on Jesuit yoga.)

The Bear's "Secret of the Rosary"

With apologies to St. Simon de Montfort, here's the secret according to Bear Theology:

Lisa Frank Delicious Pony
The rosary is a state-of-the-art spiritual super-weapon designed by God to make you not only healthy, but holy, and devils hate it.

What really gets devils is the apparent old-womanish bog Irish superstition of it. Devils (and many humans) still haven't figured out how something that looks like a WWI Sopwith Camel by way of Lisa Frank zooms through their infernal air defense command like a B2 Stealth Bomber.

But, that's the brilliance of the design. It embodies genuine humility. That's right. If you look up the word "humility" in a dictionary, you find a picture of a rosary, not a celebrity. You don't have to be learned to use it. An illiterate old crab-widow in backwater Maryland can use it better than the Pope of Rome.

So, the Bear takes out a little string of beads - one of them is a very girly-looking birthstone rosary - with his massive paws and all of sudden he's spiritual Iron Bear.

Sometimes, it's like the Regina Spektor song: nobody laughs at God when the chips are down, but we can laugh with Him. Not devils, though, not real laughter. (Maybe more like evil cackling, although Bear cannot say for sure.)

"Jarvis, tell me the Third Luminous Mystery, again."

When You Pray the Rosary, You Never Pray Alone
(Although You Still Need a Family Member to Get the Plenary Indulgence)

Your prayers are assisted by the Virgin Mary, your guardian angel, and God knows who else, and are very pleasing to the Second Person of the Holy Trinity, Jesus Christ, Who loves to behold His reflection in His mother.

You want to hear something funny?

The moment Bear typed that, his cursor began speeding backwards, erasing the article before his horrified eyes. Weird, huh? That's never happened in almost one-thousand, five-hundred articles. Hey, if you really believe in devils, sometimes you gotta wonder. (Devils especially delight tempting and tormenting poor Bears; maybe it's different for humans.)

To continue, we immerse ourselves in the mysteries as we say the prayers - almost every word right out of the Bible (take note, any separated brethren who have wandered into these charmed Woodlands) with a bit of ancient creed. Time and space dissolve and we are present at the most important moments in the history of our salvation. We see, even as through a glass darkly; we hear, even as though a peal of a distant bells.

Beyond that lies more, but it would be unfit for the Bear to intrude between the soul and the gifts she receives from her God.

1 comment:

  1. The rosary is efficacious because with every prayer of it said, a drop of Precious Blood is allowed to fall onto the world.


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